Sinnesspiel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sinnesspiel) wrote2014-03-28 09:21 pm
sinnesspiel) wrote2014-03-28 09:21 pm
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Shiki Novel Translations 2.10.6
6
While fighting with a strange sense of intimidation, Natsuno quietly filled his notebook. He'd long since given up studying vocab or tangling with math drills. With that something outside the window putting a strange pressure of sorts on him, he couldn't focus on his work. Like this with his attention focused outside the window, he had just been absently transcribing the names of historical words and names. It his hand were able to remember what it was writing that'd be fine. He thought that while moving his hand, suddenly noticing that in the sidelines of his notebook the words "Tohru" and "Shimizu" appeared. He erased them each time but the name that appeared more frequently was overwhelmingly "Shimizu." And as time stretched on, the difference grew more pronounced.
He remembered feeling like this---like he currently did, like he was under a bizarre surveillance. He also thought he knew the source of it. But, Megumi should have been dead. That she was sealed away in a coffin wasn't something Natsuno confirmed with his own eyes but she should have been made up like Tohru and buried in the ground.
But, someone was outside the window. From the darkness they were looking at the window---at Natsuno. Through the curtain, at Natsuno's shadow, fixedly staring at that.
After erasing "Shimizu" who knew how many times, he gave up on that and took out the post card from his holder case. Natsuno had an emotion he couldn't understand. The letters and the picture, all of it looked like it was trying not to be self-serving while contrastingly overflowing with self-appeal. It looked to maintain an appropriately formal distance but it was blatantly getting closer. There was nothing written aside from words about the lingering summer heat. Nonetheless, there was an all too clear intent of the sender there even if unwrit, so clear that it betrayed her true feelings. ---That defined Megumi, he realized.
It was the same now. Obvious surveillance. But the observer hid themselves, it was clear they were trying to hide themselves. That much was just too obvious, so instead it only made him more certain he was being watched.
(......Shimizu.)
But, there was no way.
Natsuno stood up. He opened the curtain and the window. The light from within the room flowed outside but the darkness between the tree trunks and thickets only grew darker. And an obvious gaze. Someone was in that darkness---and he was confident he was being watched from somewhere not far off.
Natsuno surveyed the darkness. He couldn't see anyone. It's not that no one was there but just that he couldn't see them. The other could see Natsuno. Without a doubt they were watching.
He didn't turn towards the darkness and demand who they were, nor did he have a mind to. Staying silent, Natsuno held out the post card in one hand. To be sure it was visible in the light, he slowly turned it over with his fingertips several times. He had the feeling he could hear someone nearby gasping for breath. And, the faint sound of someone moving about.
The gaze was strong. He had such a feeling. Thinking such he moved the post card from the right hand holding it to the left. Slowly, doing it so that his observer could see, he tore at the corner of it. Again, a faint noise.
With both hands he tore the postcard a second time and a third. Once it was in tiny scraps, he threw them outside of the window. The white scraps of paper danced, literal confetti, raining down in the darkness.
Surveying the darkness--their hiding place, Natsuno closed the window. Closing the curtain he returned to his desk and listened intently. There was a faint noise. This time it was too obvious. The sound of underbrush swaying, someone's footsteps. They were coming directly closer to the window.
---Here.
Someone was there outside the window, and that somebody let out a soft voice. The voice that didn't convey any meaning sounded both like a very faint wail, and like a muffled outburst of a sob.
The soft sounds continued. Almost like a small animal was scurrying about on the earth. Right now if he stood up, if he opened the curtain, he had the feeling he would see them. They wouldn't be able to hide themselves fast enough, he felt. Natsuno bore out the temptation to do it. He didn't know why. He had a feeling he must not see it. He must not peek outside.
That may have been because he thought there was something forbidden that existed outside of that window, or possibliy that he was just plain afraid of what he would see. He had the feeling if he saw it he couldn't go back, and at the same time if he saw it he would be disappointed. And in his depths, what Natsuno truly feared was that he wouldn't see anything at all.
And if he were to throw open the curtain so quickly they would have no chance to hide? He didn't think that it would have any immediate impact. What was scary was being suspended between recognizing that there was something there he couldn't see and the recognizing it as something merely hiding.
He listened closely and bore it. The presence outside of the window crept about in the area and at last passed. Natsuno returned to the tasks in his notebook but as expected his hand kept bringing about the word "Shimizu" when he wasn't attentive.
The next morning, not having gotten much sleep, Natsuno went out into the back yard. In the faint blue light, the earth with sparse weeds was black. There there were two or three white droppings. When he picked them up, they were pieces of the psotcard.
He could only find three fragments. Any fragments beyond that were nowhere to be seen.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2014-07-01 01:08 pm (UTC)(link)My opinion differs in this; I think Seishin knows Toshio more than Toshio him. Not because of some special cause but mainly just general stuff: Toshio doesn't strike me as that private of a person. Perhaps because he's extroverted, and I think extroverts tend to be way more open than introverts. Toshio isn't even ashamed of his supposedly failing marriage (I think he does realize deep inside that his marriage isn't going so well; he just keeps the status quo without giving it much thought, perhaps because he doesn't think of it as that significant) and isn't concerned about what people think of it. He is what he is and he's proud of that, for better or worse. He's very chatty with Seishin, and so he tends to whine more and hides very little. Naturally Seishin will know a lot.
While Seishin, aside from 'his hiding lots of things because he doesn't want to be judged', I think he's also a very private person in nature. He's introverted, and usually introverts are more than happy to be secretive. I think Seishin's case is more like a mix of these two aspects. He exposes very little, and naturally Toshio will not know much, unless for those rare occasions where Seishin lets himself known unconsciously. (but whenever these happen, Toshio's pretty awesome to correctly understand what he actually is. His conclusions seem usually spot on. But I think Seishin is also like that too, regarding Toshio. That's why he leaves, because he knows they've gone separated paths completely. They've come to understand one another so easily because of their deep friendship which is as old as their age.)
Seishin is spiritual in nature, and what he wants the most is something he can connect with and follow. Once he actually finds this he'll be the most faithful follower. Unfortunately it's fruitless, that's the impression I got. I still don't completely understand his speech to Sunako (rereading Seishin chapters is in order) Toshio, though, I don't really think of him as excessively religious. I somehow have a feeling that Seishin is a big factor that ties him to Buddhism (the way he's fond of the temple and its incense, and Seishin) if it's true it's kinda ironic, that they're what tie one another to Buddhism.
Ah, Tatsumi. I really admire his loyalty, despite his being hundred times stronger than Sunako (Yoshie too). Someone had an interesting opinion, in that unlike Seishin Tatsumi will let her die in the fire and follow her, perhaps also jumps in the fire with her (a bit unsure about the latter but sure about the former) -- because he knows it's what she actually wants. He's witnessed all the struggle and the pain, and thus he'll understand that Sunako too will someday have had enough. She's a Shiki, but while she has a second chance at life it also brings her great pain -- she becomes a murderer even if she doesn't want to, and that all of this distances her from the God she loves most. Not saying that Seishin doesn't understand her, but unlike him Tatsumi will make a decision based on her best interest, not his own.
Strong and independent, I also believe so -- but as Shiki is not a happy story, I think Seishin will not exactly live a happy life, as do other survivors. I do entertain an idea that while he becomes stronger, he'll also become more evil as in more selfish and stuff. All he's done while in Sotoba is following orders, so I think it'll be interesting if his jinrou self will do an exact contrast of it. While Toshio... I don't know, but I have a feeling he'll be haunted by memories of the past -- Seishin is what comes to my mind. He doesn't know that he also survives (and becomes a jinrou at that, what a surprise) and so he recalls a lot, saddened to an extent perhaps. And some years later he's older and encounters Seishin again -- who still looks like his 33 year old self lol.
I'm elvent on tumblr, and I already followed you~ 8DDDD
Re: 8D
Haha okay, yeah it is pretty hard for anime or manga to portray Seishin's monologuing. I think most of his characterization comes from those monologues rather than his actions, and he doesn't do a whole lot (compared to other characters). So have you read the entire novel then?
I'm actually starting to get kind of pissed off at the anime and manga for not following the novel more closely. I'm naturally biased towards the idea of "wah, no adaptation can be better than the original"...compared to the novel, the anime now seems kind of basic, putting Natsuno and Tohru and Megumi more into the spotlight than Ozaki or Seishin, the true protagonists of the novel, for the sake of fanservice. I have to remind myself that there was a reason I got into Shiki; Natsuno and Tohru and Megumi's roles are all still well done regardless, as is the creepy atmosphere and the OST. I'd still want to see a straight adaptation of the novel but I don't know how well that would go considering it's so long and has so many monologues and thoughts that might be lost in transition. It would need a lot of funding, maybe preparing for over 50 episodes...and then it would have to go very slowly too; it's hard enough to keep track of who's who even if you're reading the novel. And possible viewers would probably drop it because it's so slow, so in the end it would have to cater especially to novel fans, and there's not enough of us for them to profit from making such an anime.
Regarding who knows who better, I agree with the introvert/extrovert characterization, but also paradoxically I think that by revealing a lot, Ozaki reveals very little about himself. Ozaki complains and chats a lot, but it's about very superficial stuff; he's not very introspective. But that doesn't mean he hasn't got a personality. Often when people are feeling unhappy but don't want anybody to know something's wrong, they'll act cheerful and talk to things that aren't related to anything. So when Ozaki does talk, I imagine he'd rarely reveal his inner thoughts (He would say "My mother's such a nag, hahaha" even if he's feeling "My family's been oppressing me all my life, maybe if it wasn't for her I wouldn't have had to ruin Kyoko's life by marrying her and giving her a husband that doesn't love her, what kind of a man am I").
For instance, in the anime it's shown that Ozaki was somewhat intimidated by his father and didn't want to end up like him. If I'm not mistaken, he's alone at this time and it's never shown that Seishin even knows about those kinds of thoughts. We have yet to get to that part in the book, but perhaps it's just that he doesn't see his personal problems as important enough and pushes them aside (which is also kind of heartbreaking in a way).
Whereas although Seishin talks perhaps less, when he does talk it's more about morality and personal feelings, stuff that reveals his true feelings and beliefs about the world. Therefore, if the one he's talking to listens closely and perceptively, they can perceive a lot about Seishin as a person just by hearing his opinions on the world around him. Ozaki doesn't seem very perceptive, but then again he does have a sense of the emptiness inside Seishin and never lets him know that he knows. So I got the idea that Ozaki's hinted to be more perceptive than he seems. But then the reason that Seishin ends up being more understood by Sunako rather than by Ozaki is probably because after she figured out parts of his personality, she discussed it with him and helped him come to terms with himself, whereas Ozaki probably didn't think it was necessary to bring it up, or didn't feel comfortable entering into a conversation of that sort.
And since Seishin is more introspective and has thought a lot about human nature, there's no doubt that he understands 'people like Ozaki'--he kind of talks about it during the seme chapter (ie, everyone wants to be the center of everything) but that doesn't mean that he understands Ozaki himself. And finally, Seishin is constantly being surprised by Ozaki whereas Ozaki is never really surprised by Seishin. It seems like Seishin knows more about how Ozaki 'should be' and looks up to that, but fails to see who Ozaki really is.
I feel like Seishin will gradually start doing what he wants in the future, now that he's not being judged by God, and I think that'll actually make him happier. All his life, he's done what's expected of him and is also afraid of bringing down divine judgment on himself. He essentially won his own happiness at the end when he went after his own whim and spared Sunako, so I think there'll be more where that came from. Yeah, he's a great foil for Tatsumi; Tatsumi puts Sunako first, and Seishin finally learned to put himself first.
And I followed you! :D
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2014-07-17 02:55 am (UTC)(link)I definitely share the sentiment. In my eyes, the original version will always be the best. Most canon too. So even if I find that the adaptation is better, or that I apparently like it more, I'll still refer to the original version because it's like, an absolute truth to me (lol). I respect canon very much. But in this instance, the manga/anime adaptation isn't as good as the original, which makes me even more irritated. (Though I take immense pleasure in the OSTs, because they're that awesome)
I think, just like how people in real life are, however extroverted they may be there will always be some things they keep to themselves, even from their best friends. Perhaps Toshio thinks of his determination to not end up being like his own father as something like a vow, and not something Seishin actually needs to know. As for whether Seishin knows about how his relationship with his father is or not... I think he somehow knows to a certain extent. Seishin is also pretty sharp at many things, and he grew up alongside Toshio. But this is only a guess.
Toshio is definitely perceptive, and I know he's not as shitty as he lets on. I think Toshio does notice things about Seishin, but he doesn't really understand their roots (he will over time though), unlike Sunako who thinks she can relate to Seishin on many things. She's already interested in Seishin as his own self, as the writer of the books she read. She deliberately makes aggressive moves towards him, and is happy to make lots of conversations with him. (though I somehow get the impression that they're not as alike as she initially thought) I agree that Toshio doesn't think it's necessary to make conversations like this, but I think it's also because he doesn't really know how, as he doesn't understand the roots of these things he notices about Seishin.
I do think Seishin actually knows Toshio as himself aside from knowing how humans work, but I agree that he perhaps become so used to the idea of ideal Toshio that it can blind him on occasions. But deep inside, he knows how Toshio really is.
Re: 8D
I bet Shiki would be hard to read even for a Japanese teen. So do you still read light novels and manga? Reading is one of the best ways to develop one's knowledge of a new language.
Same here, I'm definitely an original adaptation snob! I see the novel as the way the story actually is, and the manga and anime are both creative adaptations of it, but still not the real thing. I hate myself for it because I absolutely hailed the anime as my favorite, but now I'm not so sure since it's not direct; its focus on Natsuno and Megumi rather than Ozaki and Seishin seems trivial now whereas I never minded it before. Maybe I should rewatch it to get myself back in the groove.
Yeah, also I think that part of the reason that Seishin and Ozaki aren't on the same page is because of Ozaki's method of dealing with Seishin. Like okay, he knows that Seishin is melancholy and depressed and contemplative about many things, but as a friend, the way he tries to deal with it is by trying to bring Seishin outside of himself, if that makes sense. Instead of leaving Seishin trapped inside his own thoughts, he tries to get Seishin to help him with work and suchlike and introduces him to outside problems (also could be a reason as to why he came to him with his vampire theory, despite that he's his go-to person in general). Because he isn't as introspective, he could be like "I bet Seishin doesn't really want to be burdened with those issues--they're only in his mind, they'll go away if he just won't think about it". I'm not making him out to be a horrible person because it's not a faulty method; people do feel better if they can take their mind off what's bothering them sometimes. When my friends have problems, my first order of business is to see if I can help provide a solution, and the next is to drag them out to hang out somewhere so they can cheer up. The problem is, Ozaki misses the first order of business. I think Ozaki's distracting Seishin by bringing him 'outside himself' works too, though, because Seishin does like to be around Ozaki. Where he failed and where Sunako succeeded, however, was that Seishin did want to talk about it too, and Ozaki thought it was unnecessary.
People can be perceptive but not know how to help others deal with problems, too. And Ozaki's method of helping Seishin would probably work if Seishin was more like Ozaki himself, it's just that Ozaki might not know how to approach Seishin too. It may be that since they're so close, both just kind of assume they're past that, and Ozaki tries to subtly help Seishin as much as possible by teasing him and spending carefree moments together.
Sunako is much older than Ozaki, so of course she would be a lot better at it. I imagine that she's read a lot of books on philosophy and psychology, so her natural perception is aided by what she's picked up, and she understands human nature well as a whole, and that means understanding Seishin. I think she knows very well how people work, and I'm actually looking forward to some novel-only Sunako material that shows this. There has to be a reason why she's gathered such a large following over the course of her life.
Shall we agree to disagree over who understands who better? XD It's definitely clear that they have the greatest bromance, though.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2014-07-29 12:55 am (UTC)(link)The manga and anime used to be my favorite, because they were the ones I could get. Now that I'm able to read the novel, that status is quickly thrown out a window... I sometimes feel like an ungrateful brat for this, but usually I'm just meh. But I still admire some qualities of the manga and anime; I love the black-and-white drawing style of the manga and the anime OSTs. But regarding changes, the anime and manga just took it toooo far for my liking.
The impression I get is though, Toshio probably doesn't even realize that Seishin is having issues. He's able to sense that there are strange things within Seishin, but it's just that. For example, the suicide attempt: it's been 10+ years but Seishin is still fine and he hasn't repeated the attempt, so perhaps Toshio thinks Seishin's over that. He doesn't know that it's still in Seishin's mind... because Seishin is so private about it. He guards his own issues so strongly that it doesn't even show on the outside, so people think he's fine. Of course as you said, there's perhaps also the matter of Toshio kinda dismissing Seishin's issues/problems because that's what he'd do to himself. (If his marriage is any indicator. Imagine Seishin being in his position; it'll be all over his mind, where he contemplates about the meaning of his marriage, its effects on his person, perhaps also to his kids if he had any, and perhaps possible solutions even, etc etc) I think it's in his personality, but I don't think it truly applies to his going to Seishin because I think he doesn't really realize that Seishin's having issues. He perhaps gets that Seishin has something in his mind, but he doesn't get how deep of an issue it is to Seishin. I think Toshio goes to Seishin not because he wants to drag him out of his mind, but more for his own self and for Sotoba (because Seishin is one of the village leaders). Not to say that he's a bad person for this, but it's because aside from him not knowing, he also doesn't approach things like Seishin does so he doesn't know how to approach Seishin even if he does know about his issues, like you said.
Ah yessss I'm all for Toshio/Seishin relationship. One thing that kinda pisses me about the anime/manga is they aren't shown to be as intimate as how they're in the novel lol.
Re: 8D
I suppose it's better though if you read slow but take time paragraph by paragraph to get the full meaning of the work plus your interpretation of it, rather than going through books super fast without getting anything out of them. The best books are the ones you can read over and over and get more out of them each time. The key to novels is perseverance! Even if it's long, if you keep up a good pace, you'll get there in the end, plus you'll get that satisfaction of having finished it. My favorite type of book is either a long, long work like Shiki, or a long series of shorter works. This isn't a recommendation because I'm not sure why I like this work anyway, but I...I am a big fan of Warriors, or Warrior Cats. They're like light novels.........in English! I've read them since I was in elementary school, and, uh, I'm still going strong. It's about cats, but it's very dark and deals with a lot of real life issues such as diversity and acceptance; it has a lot of gray and gray morality. Kieli, a light novel series by Yukako Kabei is also good. It has 9 books, and all of them have an official translation, but of course I read them in English. I'm trying to learn Japanese too, but I never have a lot of time to so my knowledge is limited to basic vocab and grammar. I'm hoping to eventually (like a decade down the line >_<) be on your level, or, dare I hope, Sinnesspiel's.
Yeah, I feel like I can't fully appreciate the anime now...I started rewatching it, and within a few minutes I felt like yelling at my TV, "what the hell is this, there is like 500 pages worth of material BEFORE the first episode. And where's the episode where Atsushi trespasses by the Kirishiki house? (because I would have REALLY loved to see that. Imagine if they included the scene in the anime, along with the OST music---it would be glorious!!)" I scoured the internet hoping for a novel translation that would give me a deeper appreciation of the anime...yeah, be careful what you wish for.
I wonder what would happen if Seishin and Ozaki did switch places. Setting aside nature vs. nurture (because I'm sure nature really formed their personalities more than nurture), but I think it makes sense that Seishin would turn out how he did, and how Ozaki would too, because of their backgrounds. Both of their positions are very demanding, but the most demanding are their families. I think it's easier for Ozaki to be sassy and outgoing precisely because his parents were so overbearing; he has a fighting spirit, so since their family is very verbal, Ozaki would very often have arguments, but he would form his own opinions about practicing medicine. I think Seishin cannot do the same because his parents are more vague about what they want out of him; whereas Takae is all "you have to do this, this, and this", I imagine that Seishin's parents want him to "be a spiritual leader, and kind and understanding all around". You can't argue with that, so Seishin is more subdued. Ozaki's parents seem more specific, so he can think, "I don't have to do it quite like that", or "I can have the same effect if I do this differently", so he is overall a good doctor, but on his own terms. Strict parents are so much easier to rebel against. Seishin's parents are demanding too, yet gentle so that one can really feel that they want the best for their son---for that, one would feel guilty NOT trying to be a good priest, because there's no satisfaction in disappointing well-meaning parents. I think that's why although they both have very demanding positions, Seishin is more resigned to his role, while Ozaki takes liberties with it. I bet if Seishin was in Ozaki's place, he wouldn't have taken a wife at all. He's rebellious in his own way.
To be more specific about Ozaki understanding Seishin, I think he can accurately deduce the problems, but he can't relate or respond the way Seishin needs him to, so that's where he falls through. Actually, that got me thinking, when Seishin slit his wrist, it was probably Ozaki that patched it up. I think Ozaki's the type of guy that would think that what would work for him works for others too---he may be afraid that talking about it would make Seishin feel even worse, and Ozaki's the type that makes a problem go away by taking action or taking his mind off of it instead of contemplating it like Seishin. I'm kind of like this in that respect because I like to kind of ignore past events by doing something else, and when I think back on it, the problem seems more trivial. Obviously, said problem isn't as serious as self-harm, but thinking about problems in the heat of the moment disrupts your ability to think rationally so it is logical to cool off first. I think part of why Seishin was so taken to Sunako was because she didn't shy away from sensitive topics, even actively brought them up. To someone who is used to thinking them over by himself, having someone to talk to provides a new way of looking at it and is good therapy.
I wish there were more Waka moments too. Still, after starting to rewatch, I like how they subtly made it apparent that Ozaki and Seishin are good friends, such as the ease with which they work together gathering information, as though they've had a lot of practice as a team. Seishin seems more relaxed around Ozaki, and Ozaki also speaks more conversationally, putting aside his usual bedside manner.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2014-08-03 12:18 am (UTC)(link)I have faith that once you have the time, you'll be able to be fluent in Japanese quickly. You seem to have the discipline, and that's important. Talents are one thing but discipline is what ultimately leads to success.
It's okay if now the anime/manga will never sit well with us. I think we're not the only one, and people have their own style. We'll just revel in the beauty of the novel then. 8D
Everything is a mix of nature and nurture, in my opinion. They were born in certain way but ultimately shaped by environment, so I think there are parts of their nature that lay dormant because it's not really developed thanks to that environment, and there are parts that are more developed and have perhaps undergone modification several times. Seishin and Toshio kind of resemble their own parents, so I kind of agree with what you said. Seishin's parents indeed look extremely private themselves, even they don't show much emotion like Seishin does. I bet they actually rarely talk to Seishin, so Seishin perhaps kind of learned to not talk to anyone from them. Toshio's parents are outwardly demanding and opinionated, so in turn it also helps shaping Toshio. But in the end, these 'development' or 'modification' will not stray very far from their nature. People have their own limits too. I kind of want to see this too. Seishin is arguably just as rebellious as Toshio, even if he does it more silently.
Uhm, when Seishin slit his wrist, he was currently not in Sotoba. It was in his dorm when he's around 20 (I think it also said about sophomore year at uni?) so he was taken to the nearest clinic. And when he tried to return to his dorm, his parents were already there and caught him (having been contacted by his friends I think), and he was taken to Sotoba, where he was then interrogated by the temple people and the Yasumoris. I think perhaps at this time Toshio hadn't been notified, med students are busy and all and since this is a sensitive matter, only those who are directly related to the temple are notified first. Or I could be wrong and Toshio was also notified at the same time, since he's Seishin's best friend, but as far as I'm aware he wasn't among those who interrogated Seishin. The probability is he was also there at Sotoba but we've been shown about how he didn't understand Seishin's attempt himself so he didn't try to interrogate Seishin about it, or he had also been notified but was currently outside Sotoba. I think the latter is more likely/closer to canon since in that reminiscing chapter, as far as I'm aware he doesn't mention Toshio at all.
Toshio's very confrontational but regarding Seishin I think he investigates more than confronts? He confronts, yes, but from what I've seen in the novels it's when it relates to other stuffs they need to get done. When it's about Seishin himself, Toshio observes and analyzes more. He perhaps kind of thinks of Seishin like some sort of complicated and weird puzzle. But perhaps this is also the problem -- unlike Sunako who's much more upfront about it, Toshio doesn't. He perhaps notices a lot about Seishin, but for some reasons, he doesn't talk about it. Perhaps because he thinks that he doesn't qualify for therapy sessions. Perhaps, he thinks he doesn't have any right to bring sensitive topics up because he's aware of how private Seishin is.
Sunako is... a stranger, so she wasn't exactly aware of what kind of person Seishin really is, but it all turns out good for both of them because Seishin apparently needs the discussion. I'm kinda like him, in a sense that I'm a hella secretive person and all but when I'm already in conversations, it suddenly spills... it happens a few times with my friends. I didn't find for solutions, but it spilled because I just wanted to talk/already in a suitable mood for it. To unburden myself a little. The whole time it rather felt like I was making a statement tho, not exactly pouring out my heart. Sunako perhaps senses that that's what Seishin needs, she's strangely perceptive. At first Seishin also doesn't mean to talk about private matters with Sunako, but Sunako cleverly goads him little by little. Seishin also perhaps doesn't mean to talk about stuffs with Toshio, and Toshio perhaps knows.. more at a loss he is, the more he situates himself to just investigate. Both Toshio and Sunako mean well.
But they erased all the bedroom scenes, I'm so displeased >:(
Re: 8D
The first step to accepting your weird tastes is realizing you have them! I know what you mean, most of the works I've enjoyed have been those that just jumped out at me unexpectedly; I rarely go looking anime to watch or manga to read in general because I don't want to be distracted from my other stuff, like school obviously, and then I'm also working on an original book and I want to learn cooking~ XD haha My motto is 'aim high'.
Well said, I also think a big dose of determination is more important than any natural talent. I'm really against anything that says "Oh, this is due to genetics and other natural factors" (that is, personality traits, I don't extend that into genetic illnesses and the like). I firmly believe anyone can make themselves be the kind of person they want; it could be up to fate, but your options aren't limited to the ones given by birth.
The novel is all we need. <3
yeah, they do resemble their parents a lot. I like how for instance, Ozaki is outspoken like his folks, but still there's a part of him that's purely "Toshio". He knows the kind of person he wants to be, and he goes for it. I also like how the similarities with parents are brought out--against his will in Ozaki's case. He spends the whole anime (maybe novel) angsting about how he doesn't want to be like his father...but towards the end, he's definitely taken some actions that would have made his earlier self recoil. By this, I'm not contradicting my earlier statement a couple paragraphs up by saying that he's doomed to be like his ancestors, but it's really putting Ozaki's dad in a new light, and his understanding too. Ozaki always disliked his father for taking some measures he disagreed with, and yet he had to do the same later. Now he can't chalk it all up to his dad being a 'bad person', because really sometimes it's circumstances that drive people to take action, and his father, like all people, would have had a drive other than just being a nasty guy.
Seishin is more understated, but he's a lot like Shinmei , at least in the way that they both crossed over to the life of the okiagari despite being priests, and having been married late. (Obvs, Seishin's not married, but if he were to marry now, it would still be marrying rather late). Perhaps Shinmei was another rebel like Seishin. ...That leads me to wonder, what would Seishin's wife be like if he had one? I wouldn't be surprised if she was a chain-smoking lady with messy hair and dreamy brown eyes~
Ah okay, thanks for clearing that up. But still, I do think Ozaki would have known early about his suicide attempt. Seishin would have had to actively keep it a secret, and there's even rumors going around in the village, and since the whole village goes to the Ozaki clinic, he'd know eventually. He definitely knows, but what would the situation be like if Seishin was hellbent on keeping it a secret, and Ozaki found out from listening to the villagers' rumors? Then, he'd know about it, and he'd also know that Seishin doesn't want him to know.
I think it shows how much Ozaki cares about Seishin that he investigates rather than confronting. One way to determine that you have feelings (not even necessarily romantic) towards someone is if you change your normal behavior towards that person. A possible explanation is that Ozaki knows that he's normally very straightforward--and Seishin isn't. He knows that he shouldn't outright ask him about issues Seishin's not comfortable with, so perhaps he investigates to find out how he can probe the issue. He doesn't want to accidentally damage relations by being too direct; Seishin's the kind of person that would close up and insist it's all right when really he'll be emotionally distancing themselves from Ozaki. Simply because Ozaki is normally brash and confrontational doesn't mean he can't be otherwise, but anything that makes him be otherwise should be pretty darn special to him :p
I'm like that too, where it takes the right stuff to get me to say anything. Usually, I would complain about trivial issues like Ozaki, but when it comes to things that really matter, I usually keep it to myself, sometimes letting it out though. Sunako's a very perceptive individual...you know, I think it's likely that by reading all of Seishin's essays, she could gauge his personality and worked off that during their discussions. Although they're strangers, sometimes you just 'click' with people, because you're kindred spirits. You can be very different from each other, but all it takes is a similarity at the core, and that's something you can perceive remarkably easily sometimes. One of the things I think both the novel and anime do well is showing Seishin's growing connection to Sunako; it happens quite fast and it's not like they talk alll the time, but it's enough and you can see the impact that it's making on Seishin at least. Perhaps in the novel they'll go the other way too and show the impact Seishin made on Sunako (apart from the church scene at the end).
(as for bedroom scenes) There there, that's why fanfiction exists XD
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2014-08-18 12:38 pm (UTC)(link)My parents have always said that med school requires discipline first and foremost. If you have a high IQ, that's good, but it's not going to be enough. There are people who weren't born with inborn talents but are highly determined, and there are people who were born with one but lack motivation. I do think the former tend to be more successful than the latter. My parents and sister are the former, and according to my Mom, I'm the latter. Obviously my situation has frustrated her several times, that I could be more but is downright lazy. I perhaps have 'talents' but because I lack determination, they get me nowhere really. I really admire people who are determined.
I think Toshio is the former, Seishin is perhaps the latter. Toshio is very diligent, definitely the type med schools want. What I get from Seishin is he understands stuffs easily. He doesn't get Toshio's babble to the smallest details obviously, but he gets the big picture. He's an author and has to research a lot of things on his own, so he must be pretty smart. But he isn't really the ambitious type from the looks of it. He can be a perfectionist, but isn't really ambitious. Toshio is more of an ambitious type. But if we look at other causes -- at times it's hard to stay motivated when it's regarding stuffs you yourself don't actually love to do. There are people who want to be the very best even if they don't actually love what they do, there are people who are less inclined to if they lack passion.
That's one of reasons why i love Shiki. New understanding on things. Not just the main characters, but basically everyone. The whole Shiki ordeal changes everyone's life, and because it's Shiki, it's all spiraling down. I know some spoilers from someone who've read the novel, and they are in my opinion quite terrible. Shiki is not a happy story, everyone's got a sad ending.
Oooohhh I really like the mental image. Seishin/fem!Toshio looks really awesome. 8D
I do think Toshio is among those who found out early. Perhaps from Miwako, or from his parents... (I imagine Takae would perhaps mock Seishin and Toshio would be absolutely enraged) Since Toshio is one of the village heirs and higher-ups, I think it makes more sense if he knew it from the other higher-ups. At that time the higher-ups would try to keep it a secret from the other villagers too. Definitely not from Seishin, and since he heard nothing about it from Seishin, he would've known that Seishin intended to make it a secret. I really want to read about this certain matter, if only Ono-sensei also wrote about it. While the news were still raw and Toshio's feelings were mixed and complicated, what did he do? Did he try to outright confront Seishin, something that would make the man close himself up even further? Did he use a more subtle method?
Ah, you just made my shipper heart happy~ but I think there's no argument that Seishin's not, arguably, the most important person to Toshio (among those in the village really). Whether he admits it or not (likely not really), whether he has deliberately put some thought on the matter or not (I don't really think so). Could be not romantic in nature, could be one (but he doesn't know it -- I don't think Toshio will easily recognize love even if it bites him in the nose).
I have a suspicion that Seishin is generally a person who easily gets attached to people. He's a romantic after all (all the more if he happens to click with them). Sunako is definitely attached to Seishin because she identifies strongly with him. People like Sunako definitely know how to get under people's skin, I think. Even though I don't doubt that there are quite a lot of things about Seishin that will surprise her (I think it'll be apparent the longer they're together post-Shiki. People change, and the whole Shiki ordeal will definitely change people), Sunako's managed to solve a big deal about Seishin when others cannot, including Toshio. Toshio only gets glimpses about Seishin, but then again he doesn't actually read his novels (where people will know more about Seishin than if they know him in person). As his best friend for 30 years, I'm sure he'll reach a new height in understanding were he to read them as well. Though I don't doubt that they'll also shock him. The novels are full of metaphors, but I'm sure in time Toshio'll be able to solve them too.(I'm pretty sure he read his essay, but I don't think he's read his novels. There's no indication in canon too)
Speaking about post-Shiki period, I think Toshio will buy 'Shiki' when it's already out. I kinda don't want to imagine that he'll age when Seishin will not. (Imagine what will happen if they'll meet again years later?) Sunako clinging to the idea of Seishin that she idealizes, that basically only exists in her mind because the current Seishin has undergone a lot of change. In my fantasies there's cancer involved too (there's actually a Toshio/Seishin fic where Toshio ends up dying from lung cancer. Gdi I'm so afraid for him)
But sadly there aren't many Shiki fics :(
no subject
I'm interested in going to med school, too. Anyway, don't be too hard on yourself! I doubt there's anyone that is so strong-willed that they can't let themselves do anything other than the subject at hand; obviously such a person would be successful, but really unhappy. I think people need 'lazy time' to be healthy--that's exactly the same logic as taking study breaks or snacks, except applied to days instead of minutes. If you've been working hard for a few days, you should also take the time to give your mind a break over the next few. If not, your focus would waver just because you're human. Everyone works at their own pace; don't sweat about being 'determined', I think it's more important to do what you set out to do while remaining comfortable and unstressed. As for motivation, what always works for me is studying far from anything...whenever I study, I don't study in my room, but in the dining room where it's always louder, mostly because my laptop and music aren't there to distract me. I tell myself, 'you will NOT unstick your butt from this chair until you finish THIS!'
I'm ranting about personalities and habits more than I usually do today XD. Best of luck in school! My own school year's starting in a few days...*holds back tears*
A big reason why I especially love the novel Shiki is because although the events are pushed forward by the Shiki and the things they do, it still has strong (and not so strong) and well-rounded characters that make it all the more entertaining to read and also push the plot forward. I guess the anime does this too, but I adore good characterization; the novel made me see a lot of characters in a new light.
As tempting as it is to ask for the spoilers, I wouldn't do that to myself! I actually love sad endings, lol. Or if they're happy, I want them to be bittersweet. I would say Shiki is bittersweet, actually? Because although Sotoba is gone, the Shiki are gone too. I would have liked it a lot less if at the end, Sunako triumphed, or if Ozaki triumphed (despite that he's my fav character).
I would like to see a fem!Ozaki! I'm wondering, if in the story, fem!Ozaki was canon, and was pressured to get married, what kind of a husband would she have? Assuming she doesn't get together with Seishin, ofc. I think Takae would try to find her good suitors and marry her off, and...actually, she would probably consider Seishin a good suitor. But then fem!Ozaki would have to go live at the temple (or vise versa) and I don't know if that would be acceptable.
Oh man, now I really wish Ono would have written about that too! D: It's definitely right that Takae would mock Seishin (she's already jealous because the temple outranks the Ozakis), gosh what an annoying mom...my parents also sometimes make fun of my friends, and it makes me really furious.
I think it would be in character for Ozaki to talk to Seishin about it openly; as he's different from the rest of the villagers and not all that bent on delicacy, he would be more upfront.
But even Ozaki would maybe realize it's nothing to joke about, and unlike normal people that he teases, he really does care about Seishin's feelings here, so he may be subtle like the rest of the villagers. I wonder if this wouldn't make Seishin resentful, though, and disappointed in Ozaki because he'd expect his friend to treat him different from the rest of the villagers.
That's another reason I really enjoy Shiki; it explores all kinds of relationships, not just romantic ones. If you go to the movies or even look at other anime, all of them feature romance as the default relationship, whereas there's so many variations of them to explore. Even if Ozaki and Seishin aren't romantic, they still have an interesting and deep friendship that's lasted for a while, and starts fraying from the tragic events around them. It's absolutely heartbreaking. Also, there's Ozaki and Kyoko--not In Love although they're husband and wife, but they still have mutual respect and a lighthearted partnership in banding together against Takae. Or even Natsuno and Tohru. Akira and Kaori (sibling love). Masao with his family. The nurses and Ozaki. I could go on all night, but the point is...they're all unique relationships, and I like em ^^
I feel like the writings that Ozaki did read, he didn't take them that seriously, unfortunately; he did put them out for clinic visitors to read. I wonder about Seishin's reaction to this. I imagine him thinking wryly "I knew that'd happen. Well, I did want to reach out to a wider audience", or something. But by doing that, the writing also lose some of their privacy and personal-ness. Instead of something that Seishin poured out of his heart, they're now just abstract works about his hometown that most people have read.
I also imagine Ozaki reading more of his works and thinking about them over a cigarette for a while, and then saying that it's Seishin all over, kind of like how he accepts Seishin's "betrayal" at the end.
Lung cancer...Toshio...nooo! Shiki needs more fanfics. And art ;-; Maybe we should collaborate on something.
8D
(Anonymous) 2014-09-02 02:20 pm (UTC)(link)Haha, the problem is I'm not even the slightest bit hard on myself! I'm too lazy. I'm a person who's moved mainly by interest, but the problem is my interests can evaporate in mere minutes. When that happens, I'll move like a ghost. I really need to work on being more diligent. (what kind of a (med) student I am?) Interestingly, like you, I also seem to make more progress when studying at loud places. Preferably public places. The whole atmosphere just prompts me to make as much progress as I can manage. It's weird, but thinking that I can only be there at a few hours at most makes me more fired up. While being all alone, all relaxed, with my laptop nearby will kill my mood to get things done. Best of luck for you too!
If you're interested in going to med school, you should totally go for it! My lecturers often ask us students "what are you even here for?" because most of med students here (probably in other places too, haha) go to med schools not because they actually want to. And that's not really good. Interest will undoubtedly make people last a while, and why should you do something you don't want to do? You'll probably end up screwing med school anyway, like that. If you're only going for money, be a businessman. Doctors aren't as rich as them, they're just above average financially, and so on. There are indeed people who eventually find passion in medical professions even if at first they didn't, but med schools are just too demanding unless there's some degree of determination even if lacking interest.
In the end, everyone loses -- I think it just suits a work like Shiki very well. I actually don't really like sad endings, but perhaps like... define sad. If it means my favorite characters dying, it'll be downright frustrating to me even if I love serious and deep works which often include tragedy. Shiki isn't as distressing to me because Toshio and Seishin don't end up dying. (There's a time where I was Natsuno-biased and was saddened when he died, and glad when he came back -- but then my bias dissipated and then I was displeased because it was a bad move for the plot) but I think, for every survivor there's a sad and terrible future waiting. Probably true mercy will be death when the whole ordeal happened.
I think the households Ozaki and Muroi are meant to stand separate, and a marriage between their children will be unacceptable. Probably if both households have more than one child then it'll be considered, but if not, it's just not happening ever. Say if either Toshio or Seishin is a woman, and they end up getting married, the woman will need to change her surname and can no longer be a successor to the hospital/temple. And there's the rule of both households to find suitors for their heirs from outside Sotoba too. Both households have to stand separate so both the hospital and temple can go on.
According to Sinnesspiel, since one doesn't talk about suicide in Japan Takae will perhaps be more discreet about it. Not saying the word 'suicide' directly but perhaps she'll imply things and making references to rumors that have already spread, but Toshio will definitely be able to pick it up anyway. But since she completely ignores Seishin's existence she'll perhaps not bother with it largely, unless she's truly pissed off. About Toshio; he largely doesn't bother with anyone's private matters (now that I think about it, Seishin isn't special because I can picture him doing that to others too) and Seishin's suicide attempt is one thing he still can't understand anyway, so I don't think he'll confront Seishin about it. I think Seishin will prefer people to just lay the matter to rest because he himself doesn't understand why he did that, and so he'll also expect Toshio to. He's uncomfortable when a stranger (Sunako) points it out, so when people he knows also do that, he'll really not like it.
Speaking about relationships, I actually don't like fluff all that much but probably, remembering that Toshio and Seishin's fluffiness will not last makes me cherish it even more lol. I somehow want them to try to kill one another post-Shiki for a mere fact that Shikis and humans cannot coexist even if they don't actually hate each other. Or it could go even more 'distressing' given the nature of Shiki. If there's ever a sequel to Shiki though, I think it'll be unavoidable that now Seishin and Toshio will end up dying.
Actually, there's one scene of that-- looks like Seishin is indeed annoyed. Since Seishin writes for publication and all, logically he'll want to reach out to people, but perhaps the reaching out to people thing is more subconscious for him. He primarily writes because it gives him comfort, and like you said, to pour his heart out. Probably also a method of working on his issues.
Post-Shiki, I do imagine he'll want to read more of Seishin's works even if before he didn't really do that. Admittedly I don't think fantasy-supernatural genre is his thing at all (he'll probably prefer factual books ). He probably doesn't expect that Seishin will survive at all and I can just imagine his shock when finding out that 'Shiki' is out published, one thing I think that prompts him to buy it, among many. After that he'll probably try to get his other works if he can manage that.
Especially novel-related fanworks are... down to zero, perhaps. Collaboration is a nice idea. The novels definitely need more recognition.
Re: 8D
I know, I know, I should take it easy more often. I've been trying to work on accepting things as they come, but that's haaard. It clashes with my personal philosophy of trying to control the outcome of anything if possible so that it's always in my favor. Architect is a good way to describe my writing; I actually wish I was more of the 'gardener' type. Whenever I have to write an essay for class, we usually use outlines, and that does make it easier to be precise and organized, but the downside is that the writing doesn't flow that well and sounds stunted. As long as I get a good grade it doesn't matter, but with fiction it does. ...I guess the reason I enjoy writing is because you can't measure how well you did with a grade. It's just for me, nobody has to read it, and that's really comforting. I do listen to relaxing music...sometimes the Shiki soundtrack, haha. Thank you! I tend to psych myself out with my own attitude, so it's good to have friends to balance me out.
I don't think you should be hard on yourself, would it work if you were motivated by rewards? Such as, 'If I do all my work for today, I can treat myself to ______'. It can be tangible, like going out to eat, or just a positive emotional reaction. You know that great feeling you get after accomplishing a hefty task? You could think of that as a reward too! Uhm...another thing that helps is making a to-do list, just to keep your ideas organized if they're all over the place. Haha, my school hands out homework planners for us every year, and at the beginning of the year I dutifully write all my assignments down and check them off as I do each one, but after a few weeks, I decide that it's too much work.
Laptops are evil. You need them to do work, but they're so distracting... ;A;
Never fear, I do want to be a doctor because it's what I want. I can't pretend money isn't a factor, but I do have inspiration and a solid interest in it. You're so lucky you're already in med school, it seems so far away for me. Do you know what you want to specialize in?
I suppose I like endings that are satisfying and make you think a lot. Leave a lasting impression. For me, those are usually the sad ones. If an ending's badly written but sad, I wouldn't like it, say if everyone died just for the sake of ending the story. I like bittersweet endings that still have some hope, but something's just fundamentally changed and the characters are different people...like in Lord of the Flies (one of my absolute favorite books, btw), at the end the boys that are stranded on an island get rescued, but they now have no innocence and a cynical view of their society and human nature. In short, I like characters that drive the story. I like watching them change and react and sympathize with them. Ironically, in Shiki I guess it's Natsuno that I sympathize most with even though I don't like him. I agree that his death was more effective if it was actually a death...I'm glad the novel killed him off for real--not because I want him to die, but because it's a more satisfying conclusion. Plus, I'm excited to see Ozaki kick butt all by himself.
Even if people don't discuss suicide so easily, it's still kind of up in the air whether Takae would discuss it. She's too proper to openly talk about it I suppose, but she's shrewish and hates the temple, so she'd probably drop discreet hints. She already doesn't approve of Ozaki's friendship with Seishin, so I think it's a given that she'd imply it more towards him. I can easily imagine that's the kind of thing she'd do, and it would piss Ozaki off even more. I wonder if, at the point in the story where Sunako mentions Seishin's scar, if it were Ozaki that mentioned it what would Seishin's reaction be?
Going back to when we discussed something earlier about sometimes being able to more easily confide in strangers than close friends, I'm guessing he'd probably wave it off as not a big deal. They're already such good friends and so used to being around each other that maybe he'd think it would ruin their easy friendship if they discussed a bomb like that out of the blue. I guess, if it's a stranger you'd reveal more because you're just getting to know each other, but if you're already friends both parties just kind of assume they already know everything, and new information would feel weird. There's also the possibility that Seishin would disregard it just because he would think Ozaki wouldn't understand (buuut, seeing as Seishin himself doesn't understand, perhaps he's afraid of Ozaki making him understand, not wanting to face the truth. Well, Sunako makes him eventually).
Aww, it brings me pain thinking about Seishin and Ozaki dying. Well, if mostly everyone already died, what would it hurt to have two more kick the bucket? Out of the two, post-Shiki, I bet Ozaki would be the one trying to find Seishin and reading all his books. I can imagine him going into bookstores looking for copies and then reading it over coffee and a cigarette. (Actually, wouldn't it be interesting if he was so traumatized he stopped smoking? And the last scene in the anime is his last cigarette?) I'm sure that out of the two, Ozaki would be the one more likely to go back and look for closure on what happened. While Seishin finally discovered his true self and achieved the freedom he wanted, Ozaki has to deal with the fact that he lost (he said he lost in that last scene too, because he didn't save the village) and everything he's known in his life is now gone. Unlike Seishin, who really didn't have any ties to the village or his profession, Ozaki certainly did.
A post-Shiki fiction would be fun to collaborate on! Like a series of one-shots about Ozaki and Seishin's lives after the events of Shiki. Maybe one of them visiting the charred remains of the small mountain village... I think it would be way harder to write about Seishin than Ozaki. I have a pretty good idea about what Ozaki would be doing, but Seishin is a different story. He's a different person too, so his character prior to his Shikification doesn't stand anymore.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2014-10-19 05:38 am (UTC)(link)Ah, please don’t worry. =w= Speaking about to-do lists though, I really need to work on being faithful to them. I think I’m better at adapting to things as they come rather than planning out things ahead in long term. The latter tends to make me more anxious of the future, which I don’t like. I prefer a stable state of mind, even if I think my mind can be somewhat detached from outside matters this way? I always need something to busy me from the inside though, usually by thinking or meta-ing about a manga/anime, or working on original works. (Not a day passes without me thinking about Shiki as well). Admittedly I hate being overly desperate about something, even if this kind of mindset does make my life flat. Though a portion of desperation is always, always needed. I guess we just have different life philosophy... I’m not the ambitious kind but I desire stability mentally and physically. Having ‘audiences’ also helps keeping me on my track, knowing that others set their eyes out to assess you, but the downside is this makes me too submissive at times. Self-doubt is a nag. On one side I’m independent, but on the other side I’m depending on others a bit too much.
Then it’s good for you, go for it! Unfortunately, it isn’t exactly like that for me. It’s not that I dislike med school, as I happen to like it too. I guess my heart just isn’t fully in it yet. It also has to do with self-doubt about whether I could be a good doctor or not, but I mostly keep myself from getting too wired up thinking about it. There had been lots of inner battles about whether I wanted to enroll in med school or not too. I came from a medical family, so there’s some sort of expectation and hope... not that my parents are very hellbent on me about it like Toshio’s parents, but you could say that I’m a child living in my parents’ shadow. I’m too anxious to get outside of their influence.
I think if not an internist like my Dad, it would be a cardiologist. And you can totally do that – I know you can! You also have to be a better med student than me. ;D
Of course Toshio would kick butts – he’s the deuteragonist of the story. (Typically it should be the protagonist, but alas it’s just not the right time for Seishin to shine yet. He’s admittedly kind of a dim protagonist lol) It’s really interesting seeing him move about too. Toshio’s admittedly quite reckless, tending to jump into whatever it is immediately without caring about who he fights and execute things without long term, proper and detailed plans. I wonder if he’d blame himself somewhat for this post-Shiki. Granted he’s already so regretful at the Setsuko incident...
I initially dislike sad endings, but I also approve of good writing leading to satisfactory, even if sad, end. With Shiki, it’s easier for me to accept sad ends knowing that Shiki is, well, just not a happy story. But it does take me time to accept the idea of Seishin and Toshio dying. Now I can accept it more, but perhaps not fully yet. Just like how it took me time with Natsuno. I love serious, deep and dark works, but when it includes my favorite characters dying I’ll dislike it immediately. It’s like I’ll accept anything done to them except them dying. I also love exploring characters’ personality traits – particularly their negative ones. What I mostly do is exploring Seishin’s negative traits too. I love seeing and learning about these imperfect people. I think that’s why I tend to sympathize more with the antagonists the protagonists, except if the protagonists also happen to have demons inside them. Well, all of this is once I can get past my initial judging of them.
Ah, I also really like Seishin and Takae’s interactions. They are so apathetic about one another it’s amusing. Takae still whines though, so perhaps inside she’s still reeling. Seishin is the one with pure apathy. I think people would be shocked by Seishin’s hidden capability of not-caring. I can see her ‘picking fights’ with Toshio about Seishin’s suicide. I’m still wondering about Toshio’s feelings about this matter. I’d imagine a lot of shock and bewilderment. Wondering if there’s also anger and sadness somewhere (logically it is). Since I think Seishin’s attempt could be seen as somewhat a traitorous act towards Sotoba, I’m wondering if somehow, Toshio would also see it like that since he represents a system that’s Sotoba. I’m wondering if it could also be seen as an attempt to wrench himself away from their bond. It’s like an act of gaining independence and being his genuine self, and he cannot do it while he’s still trapped in their bond – trapped in Sotoba. I also like the idea that while he didn’t mean to die, eventually the attempt killed some parts in him, and gave birth to other new parts like a new him. That all of the Shiki ordeal began with his attempt years ago. It’s all so symbolic.
Toshio mentioning Seishin’s scar will make him revert back to his shell though, so Toshio has to be real careful. I somehow imagine Seishin being irritated, which would perhaps escalate into a fight... By the way, I also agree with your ‘good friends’ part. Toshio and Seishin’s friendship is a constant thing to both parties, a picture of stability and familiarity. Talking about a kind of bomb like Seishin’s suicide will perhaps taint this sort of bond, since it forces them to think and consider things outside the realm of familiarity of said bond. Toshio also said about how it’s as if he didn’t recognize Seishin who tried to attempt suicide – perhaps that’s why he shies himself away from the matter, knowingly or not (rightly or not). He prefers the familiar and perhaps he isn’t ready for a ‘different’ Seishin. The suicide matter is something that pretty much exists only in the background, even if sometimes Toshio indeed takes time to think about it. Fortunately for Seishin, this kind of attitude is in his favor. Perhaps Seishin also feels this way, which is why he also refrains from talking about it with Toshio on top of his not understanding it. Could be because he isn’t ready to face the truth yet too. (speaking about this part, I didn’t think of it before.) Sunako is the one ‘lucky’ enough to see a real glimpse of Seishin, but too bad she doesn’t appreciate it as it is. When she sees Seishin, she pretty much only sees herself.
I have a feeling that Ono-sensei keep them alive just to make them suffer more. (I still love you and respect you very much though, Ono-sensei <3) By the way, I just had my exam about pulmonology... and I once more thought about Toshio as I studied. (Cancer isn’t the only threat, COPD too. Not to mention cardiovascular disease) I’m perhaps even more afraid for him post-Shiki than Seishin. I’m afraid he’ll be even more into smoking and drinking in this period, on top of mental wounds and scars. Because like you said, he has deeper ties with the village and his profession unlike Seishin, which would leave him even more scarred. Granted, reading Seishin’s works will likely make him regret things more, and then continue to beat himself over stuffs.
I think for me it’s easier to write Seishin. I feel more confident writing him because I relate to him quite a lot, but even his post-Shiki self is still lost to me. Perhaps I’ll be able to slowly work through things as new chapters come, but I also feel inadequate with the thought of writing about adult life and all that jazz... instead I want to write about what I’ve been curious about them, which is their childhood and adolescence. I don’t know yet about adult life (with jobs and all that), but I know about being a kid and teenager. But I like your idea too, though it’ll need more researching. 8D
All the best of luck in school! 8D