Shiki Novel Translations 3.15.4

[sinnesspiel]

Kanami was cleaning the tableware. Lately, Motoko hadn't been coming in to work. In terms of practical matters, her husband had died, her daughter had died, it was hardly the time for work. And furthermore it wasn't as if they were so shorthanded, nor was it that much of an inconvenience to Kanami, but.

(I wonder if she's okay......)

While washing the silverware, Kanami thought of Motoko. Tomiko was clearly acting strange. None the less, Motoko didn't seem to pay Tomiko's condition any mind. Since then, she had tried several times each day to call, and each time she would try asking about Tomiko's condition, but she had never heard back from Motoko. All that was on Motoko's mind was Shigeki. All thoughts went towards the safety of her surviving son.

(It can't be helped, Motoko has always been like this.)

The memory of her carrying Shiori on her back to the Ebuchi Clinic came to mind. If she hadn't been her friend, she would have been taken aback. That was how strayed from the norm Motoko's demeanor was.

She was always worried to this extent about her children---she had thought. But on the other hand, it had also felt funny. In the first place, why was Motoko so anxious regarding her children?

It couldn't be for fear of losing her children, could it? It wasn't that the national highway had made her nervous, rather it was that she was nervous and so she hated and opposed the highway, it felt like.

Thinking of that, a heavy regret rose up in Kanami's chest. She had never asked Motoko, but she wondered if she herself was the coal to the fires of that fear.

When Kanami had been raising a family in the city, she was sure Motoko hadn't been like this. It was something that came on gradually.

When she had divorced, her two children were left at her husband's house. This wasn't what she had wanted; it was her husband's parents who had taken them.

Her husband had worked for a major brokerage firm. Graduating from a famous university, he was a diligent, hard working man working for a famous company, Kanami had had thought. Kanami couldn't see how empty his relationship to women was. He presented himself to the woman he had chosen to marry as a proper gentleman but towards any other women, her husband's conduct was inappropriate. She could not escape the realization that to this man, women were nothing more than play things, not people. While she was jealous, she was also filled with sympathy for her fellow women. "They're basically whores," he had said, and so it was fine to do as he wished to them; she had an anger towards the man who could so naturally say that. Unable to bear it, she sought to divorce him but neither her husband nor her in-laws would allow it. She was told time and again that if she was going to leave, she would have to leave behind the children, and for a time she bore through it so as to avoid that, but the limit had been reached. She had doubts about her husband's very humanity, and the rift only grew greater, unable to be buried. She had sought arbitration but nobody would take her case. Kanami wept as she stamped her seal on the divorce papers.

The full events were something she had never told to Motoko. Kanami didn't speak to anybody about it aside from her mother. She didn't want to hear some perfunctory line about how "At least he treated you, his wife, properly, so it's not something to get that upset about." It was hard to understand Kanami's insistence that she couldn't accept the psychology of somebody who didn't even think of people as people, writing them off as mere playthings. At the very least, the arbitrators couldn't understand it; it was enough to keep Kanami silent on the matter.

So what she told Motoko was that when she decided to divorce her husband due to his affairs with other women, her relationship with her mother-in-law went from bad to worse, and due to the divorce, they had become bitter enemies, and as a result her children were left behind, and nothing more.

Lately Kanami wondered if that wasn't necessarily for the best. For Motoko who likewise had a bitter relationship with her mother-in-law, it may have been the start of her anxieties. She couldn't help but feel that what Motoko feared most, more than anything else, was her mother-in-law stealing away her children.

She realized she had told Motoko that she had better get along with her mother-in-law. That if it came down to it, whether or not Motoko ended up in her shoes was dependent on her day to day relations, she remembered saying as a joke. She never thought she would be divorced, it was a thoughtless joke but it may have driven Motoko into a corner. If she thought back, she could think of so many similar occasions. The regret built up in her stomach.

Finishing the silverware with such painful thoughts, she hesitated before closing the shop. There weren't many customers at night lately. Depending on the day, one or two was a good day, and it wasn't unusual to have none at all. Once the sun set, people flowed on back to their houses. Almost like they were fleeing.

She closed the shop and returned to her mother's house. She would consult her mother about what she could do for Motoko. When she entered the living room, her mother was lying down in front of the television.

"Say, Mom. Can we talk?"

Kanami tried to call out to her, but oddly there was no response. Wondering if she was asleep, she went to look at her face, finding a Tae with a hollow look there as she gazed at the screen.

"I'd like your advice," Kanami implored again, though Tae only blinked and offered no response. When she told her she seemed strange, as if being bothered she closed her eyes and turned to sleep. It was as if she were too tired to bear it, there in body but not in spirit. ---It was quite a bit like Tomiko's condition.

"....Mom?"

Tae's color was poor. And it didn't seem like it was just the florescent lights. When she reached out to touch her forehead, she did seem to have a light fever. Even when she pointed that out, she didn't respond.

Kanami swallowed her breath. For a while, she stared at Tae.

---Since summer.

Something was happening in the village. Something clearly abnormal. It was eating away at it. It's finally come here, Kanami thought.

And it had seized Tae.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you so much as always