Sinnesspiel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sinnesspiel) wrote2015-02-21 08:22 pm
sinnesspiel) wrote2015-02-21 08:22 pm
Shiki Novel Translations 3.7.6
6
"How'd it go with Tokujirou?" Seishin was asked as Toshio entered his bedroom, to which he shook his head.
"He seems against being hospitalized. Indeed he was talking as if reciting lines according to instructions."
And so, he was asked, to which he explained that while he didn't know if it would have an effect or not they'd moved his body into the altar room, spread incense and placed juzu beads on him, with sacred scriptures put at the porch entryway.
"You think that'll be able to repel them?"
"I don't know. ...The house is already open to the Shiki. The only room blocked off by scriptures is the drawing room, so we might not be able to depend on their effectiveness very much."
If they were going that far, transcribing sutras or mandala or the like on the sliding screens might have been effective but it wasn't as if they could try it. ---As he said that, Toshio gave a wry smile.
"You said it. It's not like we can act too crazy here. Even without all that they're already having a hard enough time trusting me in this situation, if I start doing anything eccentric on top of this, people who would've come won't anymore."
Seishin nodded.
"Other than having him say that he doesn't want to be hospitalized, it doesn't seem they've had Tokujirou-san do anything else then? It's tough, making him refuse hospitalization. With everyone who lived in the same house with Tokujirou-san dying off like that, even though they've gone that far, if there were family there, they couldn't do anything to help."
"Aa......"
"By the way, you heard the talk about the Kirishiki family's Ebuchi-san opening up a clinic?"
No, Seishin said, eyes opening. "---They really are?"
"There was the convenience store in Shimo-Sotoba right? Seems they remodeled that into a clinic. But the question is for what?"
"You don't think it's as a base to spread the infection do you?"
Who knows, Toshio murmured. "In the first place--To start with, what made the bunch of them decide to move here to this village? Strangely enough I haven't even tried thinking about that until today. I was just thinking of it as they're here so they're here, but."
"Wasn't it you who said this place is prime for multiplying the Shiki's numbers?"
"Yeah. ...That's definitely right. Here even now we still bury the dead. Cremation'd be inconvenient for the Shiki. But how did the bunch of them know that the village still buries, I wonder, huh?"
Indeed, Seishin started to say back when he remembered that he himself had written something himself for publication. Indeed, it was in the spring of last year. Hadn't Sunako said that she had read that essay?
"......It can't be."
"Hm?"
Could it be that that was to blame for all of this? Cremation was inconvenient for the Shiki. Cremation was sure to be a major obstacle in increasing their numbers. Toshio may have been correct when he'd guessed that if Shiki existed, the reason they weren't known to this day might have been entirely due to cremation.
--But if there was a place that buried, that would be where Shiki could multiply. Seishin's essay caught their attention. Seishin had memories of writing that the village even now did burials, that the graveyards were in the mountains.
"What's wrong?"
"It might be because of what I wrote."
Toshio gave a suspicious expression. "The village is surrounded by death, ---That one?"
Seishin nodded.
"But the village's name's not written anywhere in it, right?"
"If you read it, you'd know it's the village where the author lives. If you reference the author's CV, you'll basically know where it is, then if you take into account the geographic conditions and search a map, it'd be possibly to find it," Seishin lowered his eyes in shame. "......She said that. The Kirishiki's daughter herself."
"......Oi."
"I think that's indeed what happened. She read the essay. She looked for where it is. Then---"
"Consulted someone related, or otherwise confirmed the real state of things. Before there was that talk about some kind of strange resort wasn't there? A surveyor came out, stayed at the Tokuda house for a while while snooping around here and there."
Indeed, Seishin murmured. Toshio seemed to be further searching his memory.
"The results of investigating the real spot also showed it to be a favorable location. They made a plan to infiltrate the village. They got ahold of the Kanemasa house---" Toshio started to say, then spitting out a sigh. "The predecessor of Kanemasa died suddenly. Without a word to anyone, he arbitrarily handed over the lot to Kirishiki-shi."
And that's where it all started, Seishin thought somberly. Perhaps taking on that same mood, Toshio's expression became all the more distressed.
"They're scrupulous. More than we'd been thinking. On our end we've only just now recognized that they exist, I mean we've confirmed that Nao-san and Shuuji-san aren't in their graves but we haven't found any way to repel them or to dam up the situation. While we're completely in a fog about all this, they've had everything accounted for and planned out for over a year beforehand now. ---But the thing is, why?"
"Why?"
"They calculated nifilstrating the village. But what's that for? The preparations took more than a year, It's not something they just thought up. There's got to be a goal to it, something to make a plan over, to put steadily into place. But what is that goal?"
"Like we'd said, isn't that to increase---"
"What'll they get propagating the species? Cremation's certainly staved off the Shiki from growing in number until now. So in a way, Sotoba might be a beneficial place for the Shiki as a species. But what would the Shiki themselves want to increase their numbers for? For humans, wanting to spread their influence is like second nature but to pointlessly increase their numbers just increases the number of carnivores and that's it. The bunch of them are eating up all the people in the village.
Indeed, Seishin murmured.
"And on top of that there's the Ebuchi clinic. That contamination point---if it's a point to increase their numbers, then they really might just be able to grow even faster than they are now. But even now they're overdoing it. If people are dying off any more than they are now, somebody is definitely going to notice!"
"An undertaker......"
"Eh?"
"It seems we have an undertaker now. They were able to bring one in. The carpentry shop in Kami-Sotoba's been remodeled into a funeral home."
"Contracting burials?"
"Most likely."
Toshio groaned.
The Ebuchi Clinic, the Sotoba Funeral Home, both painted a similar picture. He couldn't think they were unrelated. If the Kirishiki family had a hand in the Sotoba Funeral Home, what was the goal? They would be the ones doing the funeral, doing the burials. One thing that could definitely be said to come from that would be lessening the work it'd take to dig out their rising allies. The pain of secretly digging up a grace was one that permeated deeply into Seishin's own body. They must have been continuing to do that. Somehow or another they were confirming whether or not the dead body beneath the tombstones would rise or not, then if they rose they were digging them out, then burying the grave back. If they could be the agents carrying out the burials, they would be able to take measures to lessen that hardship. It's also quickly decrease the odds of their current activities being found out. They would multiply faster. ---But it was just as Toshio said. What were they trying to do, increasing their numbers like this?
"They've got some kind of goal." Toshio's eyes were sharply concentrated. "They had a goal, that's why they scrupulously made a plan, one they're acting out. In the mean time, we can't even find out their plan."
Toshio remained silent after that. Seishin's back was tense in anticipation of Toshio saying "That's why we need to hunt the Shiki," but fortunately he didn't say a thing.
In fact, Toshio himself wanted to say it but he knew his childhood friend's temperament, so he didn't dare say it. That wasn't all, saying they didn't know what the Shiki were thinking, to hunt them, was easy enough in word, but they still had to think of how to actually go about hunting them. They were exceedingly scrupulous planners. As if they were something that Toshio and Seishin could stop by haphazardly working together.
Seen off by Seishin who looked to him guiltily,Toshio spent time thinking in his own room. Toshio stood up. A shelt, a desk, he heard the sound of something like that falling. He left his own room towards the living room at the same time his mother was coming out in her night clothes down the hallway looking consterned.
"What was that noise? It sounds like something fell?"
"No clue," Toshio answered, peering into the nearby room. Not seeing anything out of the ordinary he went up to the second floor. The room closest to the stairway--formerly Toshio's own room---currently a room with a bed in it, for the married couple in pretext. When he opened the door, with a very strong whiff of cosmetics, he saw Kyouko's form fallen prostrate over the dresser.
"--Oi!" Toshio hurried in. Kyouko had fallen forward onto the dresser, gripping at the front chest portion of her night clothes. They must have been scattered out when she fell, the cosmetics bottles spilled onto the floor, several with the lids off spilling a stain onto the carpet.
"Toshio, what on earth?"
Moving before the shrill voiced Takae did, he turned her towards the light and peered at Kyouko's face. He could tell at a glance cyanosis was occurring. Her breathing was labored. Ensuring her airway was open, he observed her breathing. Her breaths were spontaneous. They were shallow, mixed with wheezing noises. ---She's fine, he breathed out faintly. It wasn't to the point where her condition was a race against time. It was within bounds where Toshio could treat her himself.
"Mom, take her legs. We'll take her to the treatment room."
"I will do no such thing!"
Toshio shouted as his openly repugnant mother. "Carry her! You want her to die?!"
Takae's eyes widened with fright as she took Kyouko's legs with a resentful look. Sufferingly working her down the steps, once taken to the hospital portion of the building she was put onto a stretcher.
"Toshio... How is Kyouko-san?"
"I don't think it's serious but I can't say for sure. I'll treat her, so call Yasuyo-san for me. Tell her the situation and that I need her help ASAP."
Takae nodded, flustered. "Hashiguchi-san, yes?"
Watching Takae head to the main wing as if she were fleeing, Toshio looked down at his own wife. He'd noticed it when making sure her airway was open. There were two bite marks on the vein on her neck.
Why didn't he notice? Come to think of it, lately Kyouko had been strangely moderate. Whenever she came back her fights with Takae would be unending, but not this time. Almost as if she weren't here, confined to her room, Toshio himself lost sight of the fact that she was.
It was that. --And it was entering the later stages.
Why, he thought, wanting to blame himself. Why did he think that they would keep this up while avoiding them? However it was that they chose their victims, even just as a matter of probability, there was no way they should have gotten by safely. It wasn't strange at all that the harm would come to one of their own. No, it was in fact lucky that they'd gotten by safely this long.
But thinking that, Toshio glared into space. ---Was it really true that they'd gotten by safely to this point?
"There's Tohru-kun......"
Yes, Mutou's son had of course been a victim of theirs. And then?
"......They got us."
Sudden resignations.
Shimoyama the X-Ray technician, and also Towada. What would you call them if not victims and losses?
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-03-02 02:32 am (UTC)(link)I think I'm going to whine about math a bit, if you don't mind... Not only I have zero interest in it, my brain doesn't exactly do well with numbers. People around me were probably right when they said that the reason I was bad at it was because I lacked practice, but I really don't feel talented at math. I hate it when people say that if you don't do well in math, then you must not be smart. Everyone is smart, but in different areas. I may not be smart at math, but I'm smart at some other areas. Thank you very much.
It's admittedly been years since I last touched Demon Child, but from what I remember it didn't include many stuffs from Twelve Kingdoms. It has different genre too. If Twelve Kingdoms is fantasy, Demon Child is mystery/horror. When Ono-sensei wrote it, she probably didn't really think to have it interconnect with her later works too. So if you want to read Demon Child first thing or later, either is okay, I think. If you want to read Twelve Kingdoms, you have to read Shadow of the Moon, Sea of Shadow first which is the first installment of the series. It covers about Nakajima Youko. Hope you'll find the series enjoyable!
It sounds like you share some traits with Toshio, to be honest. You said you were like Natsuno, but it sounds like you resemble Toshio more! Unfortunately, medical ethics is a must-learn. They also cover how doctors could avoid problems too, so it really is about what's best for doctors as it is for patients. I could get a bit intense when I think others are being stupid, but thankfully for me (and badly too) I lean much more towards 'It's your business so I don't care'. This attitude honestly will spare you some stress too, as being a doctor is already stressful. At least you've done your duties. Speaking about my doctor role model, it's my Dad. He's very positive and easygoing, a thoroughly un-arrogant doctor who treats everyone like colleagues and is also very helpful and attending to patients' needs. He can manage stress very well too, something which still escapes me how. It's likely because he knows where to place himself. He's neither too distant from nor too close to his patients. That speaks about his emotional management.
I'm okay with my life as it is, but that doesn't mean it's good for me and people around me for being all closed-up like this. Given my temperament though, I rarely feel guilty about that... for better or worse. At the very least, I think a bit of practice will do me good, but I'm very bad at explaining myself. Most of the time, I don't feel there's reason to (ha). I'm the kind of person who prefers to deal with problems/emotional turmoil on my own, even if it'll probably be better if I share some with others. Given that, I hardly complain, though that doesn't mean I'm not breaking inside. But once I decided to blurt things out, I could get very shameless at it. Sometimes I also cry shamelessly, even if usually I feel humiliated when people see me cry. The reason I don't open up is also because I have certain secrets that I think could get me into problems if I let them out. I'm wary, and this is much more the case when it comes to people who matter more. I still don't know how to balance between wanting to shamelessly be myself and preserving a good image. I'm concerned with image, but people only see me as a weirdo anyway so I don't think I'm very successful at it. Deep down I'm very unapologetic? My high sense of self prevents me from being something other than myself, even if I sometimes question if being myself as it is is a damned good idea or not.
Given how empathetic Seishin is regarding others, I think it'll be logical if Seishin is also empathetic regarding Toshio. But I also think that probably the way Seishin is is also because he views Toshio as someone strong. When you look up to people, you sometimes forget that they aren't invincible. I think, just like Seishin often seeks out guidance from others he also wishes it from Toshio. It's a bit hard to think they can do wrong then, unless it's morally against Seishin's values.
Yes, I agree that once Toshio has set a goal he certainly is goal-oriented. It's only that he cannot really figure out goals that don't have anything to do with Sotoba's system in my opinion. While Seishin is trapped between following system as it is and wanting to become himself, which means stepping out of system. However, Seishin has a very high sense of self. I think this makes Toshio to be more system-oriented than how he appears and Seishin less than he appears. It's ironic that Toshio, for how much he may wish to be something other than system (given that he hates Ozaki) in the end he's still a man of system. While for Seishin, for how much he wants to be something of system, in the end his own self prevents him from doing so.
I seriously think that Sunako will be miserable being with Seishin, if only for the fact that this is Shiki, and in Shiki everyone ends up miserable. That includes both Toshio and Seishin.
Re: 8D
I completely agree about math! Everyone does well in different areas, and who chose math to be the baseline for 'smart' anyway? Why can't it be, "if you're not good at history, you're not smart" instead of "if you're not good at math, you're not smart" or something?! What really gets me with math is especially once you get up to higher levels (I'm currently taking a course in Calculus...I rate it 0/10 I hate it) a lot of the problems require you to figure out how to apply your knowledge to solve a particular problem. I can memorize formulas and use them when the instructions tell me to, but I can't just magically figure out when and where to do it myself! Besides, learning a lot of math is usually just for bragging rights unless you study physics or something. And even then, those people just won't shut up about how much math they know! "I was calculating the velocity for this, and then did a derivative of that to find the volume of this chair. Teehee, I'm an engineer!" Nobody likes those kids.
Did you read Twelve Kingdoms in English? Because if so, I was wondering if you could recommend me a translation. I saw that there's an official translated version sold online, so I thought I might buy it and support the author while I'm at it. Or is there a better fan translation online somewhere?
Demon Child sounds awesome! I mean, just reading Shiki I can already see that Ono is extremely good at writing mystery/horror. I love that genre. In fact, I've actually written some original fiction on that topic...I'm not sure if people besides me would find them scary, but I mean, I do, since it's based off of nightmares I've had xD
It makes me happy hearing that I'm like Toshio, my favorite character!! I don't think I'm like Natsuno in personality, but I do relate to him a lot because we both study really hard to try to get out of where we're at. Also, my parents never give me privacy, and neither do Natsuno's. The part where Natsuno's dad barges in and tears all of the charms off his walls really hit home because my parents never bother knocking and take stuff out of my room too (granted, it's not charms that could potentially save my life, but...)
I don't think I'm quiiite outgoing enough to be like Toshio, but I do also have a "make the best out of your situation" attitude. Maybe if I was stuck being a doctor in a sleepy little village for the rest of my days, I'd decide to have fun with it and start snarking at everyone left and right as well.
Just from your words I have a lot of respect for your dad already xD I really admire discipline in general, but in a lot of ways having discipline over your emotions is more important than being disciplined in the sense of being organized. In fact, I guess being disciplined emotionally leads to being organized-disciplined too? Well, he's probably had years of practice too, learning what kinds of approaches work for patients and what kinds don't. I know already that it's really important to perceive the individuality of each person. I have a part-time job at this store (it's a lot more serious than it sounds. The store is pretty classy and puts a lot of emphasis on customer service. The customers expect help with EVERYTHING) and probably the most vital thing I've learned is to gauge each customer's attitude so you can decide if they want you to kind of leave them alone, or if they want you to help them a lot, or if they want you to just talk to them. I'm always hoping it's the former, but. I'm beginning to develop my bedside manner u_u
I don't really know what kind of advice to give for your situation...let's see, I said already that if you want to be more open, if you start doing it more then it'll come naturally. I personally believe that anyone has the power to make themselves act the way they want themselves to, up to a point. So if you decide that you're fine with not sharing some information, you're perfectly in the power not to. If you decide that you want to share more, then just start sharing some personal feelings more than you usually do--take baby steps. A good way is to share a personal detail about yourself after someone shares a personal detail about themselves. But it doesn't have to be calculated like that, and there's usually no harm in just feeling it naturally and if you think you want to blurt something out and there's no good reason not to, then go ahead. I really like the feeling of bonding with someone by taking turns sharing feelings, personally. I also don't think there's any shame in crying, but maybe people cry more if they've kept more stuff bottled up, or they're not used to sharing feelings and the whole act of sharing feelings, plus the novelty of doing it causes more emotions? I'm not sure. I'm not an open person exactly by any means, but I'm not sure it's good either to be completely open, right?
I also think that if Seishin worries about Toshio, it's probably not on a fundamental level like Toshio worries about Seishin. It's also like, Toshio is usually very vocal about his problems and likes to complain about the world a lot of the time, so it's easy for Seishin to assume that if something's bothering Toshio, he'll reveal it himself sooner or later. So he doesn't try to dig deep. But I think it is odd that Seishin, someone so analytical of the world around him, wouldn't analyze Toshio. But does Seishin analyze people, come to think of it? Maybe more like the village in general. I think he considers Toshio to be a part of the village, incidentally (maybe that's also a reason why he resents him?).
Oh, I hadn't thought of that: that Seishin wants to be a part of the village. I think it is fitting; Ozaki never really wanted to be a part of the village, but he's kind of accepted it now. Seishin wanted to be at peace with himself and part of the village, but he's accepted that he'll never be at peace while he's a part of the village, too.
Shiki's ending is very open to interpretation. I almost can't wait to read the ending to see if it's any different, except...it'll be the end of our journey, and that's sad.
You can either see it as depressing for everyone involved because Toshio 'lost', a ton of people died, and Sunako and Seishin's lives are totally different now, or you can see it as kind of uplifting because the village was kind of like a cesspool of bad feelings, and now it's gone. Toshio is now free to lead a life outside of the village, without his wife or mother or obligations holding him down. Seishin finally is comfortable with himself. Sunako found a new companion.
But that's very optimistic. I think of the ending as very dark, if only because realistically the kind of experience that the survivors went through is going to stay with them forever and will most likely damage their relationships and mental health in the future.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-03-03 11:33 am (UTC)(link)Speaking about math, it very nearly wrecked my life too when I was in high school... ugh. I also hate memorizing and am bad with details. As a result, I'm not really good at (and quite dislike) Anatomy. Every nook and bump and crevice and so on of the body has a name. It's crazy.
Speaking about memorizing though, a great deal of medical studies requires memorizing. For people who are bad with details like me though, we need certain tricks to help us to.
I read the fan translation ones. I usually read them here: http://eugenewoodbury.blogspot.com/2009/04/twelve-kingdoms-novels.html
For the ones I couldn't find there, I'll search here: http://cantok.freehostia.com/01links.html
This one includes CD drama translations (I haven't read them though) and Demon Child links: http://mokolicious.hollow-hours.net/maj-mers/12k-trans.html
Happy reading! 8D
Being a hardworker is really admirable. I admire those who work hard because I honestly lack motivation/focus/so on to do so. I act on interests first and foremost, and will only do the bare minimum (or average/above average if I could manage it, for safety measure) to get by if my life actually depends on it. Well, I do wish to continue on to another program so I shouldn't get slacked!
Thank you! Yeah, he's had lots of practice for a few decades already. He really is well-disciplined when it comes to work, being a hardworker himself. As for his emotional management... his own temperament honestly makes things easier. He cannot remain angry for more than five minutes and is basically unable to hold grudges. He doesn't get angry at patients because 'what good will it bring? So there's no reason to'. He never gets arrogant for this exact same reason. As if doing so would be too much work for him. This is his exact opinion when it comes to lots of other things. As a result, he still keeps his hair mostly black and his overall sanity intact. I honestly long to be more like him.
Your part-time job seems to be difficult. To be honest I'm also not looking forward to the whole patients consulting with me stuff. I really need practice, to be more patient at least. I'm going to be so doomed. Dad, please teach me D8
For me, the more things matter the more I'll get closed up about it, especially if it's about some raw feelings/emotional turmoil. It's in my nature, so changing it will get me uncomfortable. However, when it gets less intense/I've solved it/I want to share with people, then I'll start looking for people, even if I do talk about myself less often than a lot of people, I guess. My friends said that I was quiet (and my family straight up complained about my being closed up). I'm also the kind of person who's not comfortable with showing too much emotion. However, I rather love sharing personal facts/details about myself, and likewise love knowing about other people's. Birthday, country, what they like and dislike and so on. I often get a bit disappointed when people's tumblr don't include 'about' page, and whenever I want to share more about personal details with people I often get afraid they'll end up getting annoyed... which reminds me; have I ever annoyed you with useless personal details?
To be honest, the whole 'never seems to be thinking about Toshio' also makes me consider Seishin not actually liking Toshio (probably same as you do?). Actions do speak about some things, but logically people will think/ponder about everything that's important to them. Seishin rarely wonders about Toshio, while Toshio often wonders about Seishin, to be honest. For someone who worries about a lot of things, it's just weird, in my opinion. Though I also noticed that everything that Seishin ponders about is pretty much what is included within his 'self'; what's important to him and so on. So if Toshio is hardly included, it means Seishin deems him outside his realm of 'self'? Seishin does divide a lot between his 'self/inner world' and 'outer world'. And whenever he does worry about something of 'outer world' (village), it's because they strike some empathy string within him. Which means, sometimes he'll make 'outer world' business his personal business/'self/inner world' business, but this rarely includes Toshio too. So I have to wonder... probably it's all habit. Habit would mean that it's the realm of body. As our mind cannot control our body, Seishin's habits would be outside the realm of his mind (what he perceives as 'inner' and 'outer'). Probably Toshio is also the 'border', what separates 'inner' from 'outer'. The 'border' will sometimes be thought as 'inner' but other times as 'outer'. Often, this 'border' gets abandoned because one might get too concerned over what's in the 'inner' and 'outer'? But what would differ 'inner' from 'outer' if not the 'border'? What would define a shape of the 'inner' of not the 'border'? So, a 'border' would be something that logically still lingers in the back of mind... 'border' can probably also act as 'filter' or some kind of 'net'. Like a cell wall? Given the duality of 'border' though (as it could be 'inner' as well as 'outer') one might be cautious of it, even if subconscious. One moment it's a safe place, one moment it could turn into something that threatens you.
I think Seishin honestly wants to. Actually, I think Seishin's feelings regarding Sotoba are like a ball of jumbled strings of different colors. Even he cannot tell where one string ends and where it begins, and it's difficult to separate one from another. When he was young, I think Seishin would quickly notice that he was 'different'. 'Different' in a way that he couldn't blend in with the system. However, he loved the system anyway because 1) It was all he knew 2) He probably wanted to seek out guidance from it 3) Following a system meant safety and comfort 4) Becoming a part of system, a part of whole means that you could have a place to belong to 5) Also meant that you could be acknowledged, validated and have a purpose 6) System also provides you with your needs.
However, it kind of backfired because Seishin's fundamental self is just too different from the system. Following system means the death of his self, and following his self means losing everything a system could offer him, things which he wants. His inability to balance these two things out, to compromise, (his own nature prevents him to compromise. Seishin and compromise doesn't mix. It's technically his enemy) led into 'separating' the two, forming 'inner' and 'outer'. He travels back and forth between the two, between 'the cursed older brother' and 'the kind younger brother'. It's actually killing him. Because he's unable to balance these two sides out, he then develops hatred for 'outer' for 1) not being able to properly provide for the 'inner' by giving it some tolerance 2) since for the life of him he cannot cut ties with it, given reasons mentioned above 3) he technically views 'outer' as something perfect, to look up to, but for the life of him he cannot properly become it 4) since his 'inner''s existence feels intimidated and threatened 5) looking at the perfect 'outer', compared to his 'cursed/different' inner, he feels extreme envy and despair.
But in fact, he also develops hatred for 'inner' too 1) for being unable to blend in 2) internalized phobia (honestly, he has a great deal of it). All the resentment ends up making him destroy both sides, probably because 'inner' wouldn't exist without 'outer' and otherwise in the first place. He loves, honestly loves. But he also hates, and ends up destroying himself. Well, this is only one theory among many, so it's not set in stone.
I hate endings so much. Shiki's ending left me in such despair too. I think Shiki and the word optimism just very well don't mix.
Re: 8D
Thank you so much for the links, you're the best! (=^.^=)
Some people with parents rich enough do get forced to go and become doctors, probably! I hope your parents didn't force you? D: I suppose the criteria here do kind of filter out the kids that don't actually want to be doctors. After 4 years of college classes having to do with biology, anatomy, chemistry, all the medical building blocks, if those aren't working for you, you'd know pretty fast. There's not a large chance that people who were originally going to go to med school but hate those classes, will decide to plow through anyway. I just dislike the paradox that in order to get a high paying job (as a doctor), you have to have parents with a high paying job to pay for your education. There's probably other, harder ways but they're so difficult that lots of poorer people are probably discouraged from it.
I'm taking anatomy and AP biology in school right now, and I can already feel the struggle of memorization. I hate it! The only thing I can do to learn is get a diagram, have my mom cover up the words, and then name each part. But I still like it better than math because it's like, either you know it or you don't. If I'm taking a test and I know what the body part is called, I'll know it's right. There's no room for silly mistakes like in math. (I had a math test just yesterday, in fact! It didn't go so well. My tests are timed, and the teacher is fond of making the tests really long, so more often than not I never have time to finish all of the problems. But yesterday was particularly tough.)
It sounds like your dad is the kind of person everyone should aspire to be, even if they're not doctors! Being able to leave people alone and to not be too angry and bitter is a really good trait, and not a lot of people have them. My grandpa was kind of like that, he never held grudges and was really open-minded to everyone he met. Unfortunately, he wasn't what you would call disciplined, and just mostly did what he liked. My attitude towards work is that it's something I need to get out of the way before I can keep going, I guess? Like mostly what motivates me is thinking that if I do everything and if I do it well, then I won't need to worry about it later, and only then I can relax and pursue my interests. For instance, I can't haphazardly do a math assignment just to get it done, I need to make sure I understand it or else I'll have to study and stress over it later. I mean, I guess it's good but it also has a big downside in that I can't manage my time well because I think I need to get everything done TODAY. Sometimes it's better to just leave things for later or space tasks out, but I have a hard time doing that and often end up frustrated with myself for not being able to balance work and life. I get frustrated at myself a lot, in case you couldn't tell :p
I think practice really makes perfect, as far as consulting with patients goes. Do you have a job? It might help to do some volunteering or other kind of service work to develop some of those skills. (that's why there's a requirement for lots of volunteering and internships to get into medical school here) Obviously, you'd learn eventually after working as a doctor for a while, but it'll be a lot less stressful starting if you've already got some experience.
You've never annoyed me with personal details, rest assured! I love meeting new people, and you're so pleasant to talk to XD. I was sort of worried about the same thing tbh, I was like "ahhhhh, maybe she wants to have a discussion about Shiki and here I am talking about medical school and part time jobs!" You don't seem closed up when I talk to you on here, but then people online and irl are often different. I like connecting with people about superficial stuff, but it takes me a while to get personal too. Well, I'm kind of wary of sharing information online where everyone can see it...I don't have an About Me page guilty. If you want to know something about me or stuff I like, just ask. But in fact, people who are too open take me aback a little bit? Like if I just meet them and they start talking about deep personal issues (again, you've never done this. This is more of a irl thing). Personally, I'd never get annoyed if someone I've talked to for a while wants to tell me about something; just the opposite, I'd be flattered that they wanted to share something so personal with me and I'd try to help any way I can. And most people I've met have said the same. So if you're choosing not to confide in certain people, don't make that choice because you think they don't want to hear it. The only deciding factors on whether to share something should be a) do you want to share it? b) do you trust them not to go around telling other people? There's a bigger chance that the person would be flattered and concerned rather than annoyed, I guarantee it.
The idea that Seishin has a 'border', I like it. I think it also shows how much their relationship is different with each one how while Toshio worries a lot less than Seishin, just being overall less introspective, you can say that he has less 'room' to worry. And he devotes a nice chunk of the worry room to Seishin, which shows that he's obviously a person of importance. Meanwhile, Seishin's 'room' is flexible and includes anything and everything--but almost no Toshio. Perhaps Seishin considers Toshio to be in the 'outside world' because of his self-hatred. Him and his world he probably sees as being depressing: he's trapped, and the world around him is a trap. He's always haunted by his suicide attempt. But Toshio is a bright village doctor, who doesn't share the same feelings and although they're both tied to Sotoba, Seishin perhaps considers Toshio to be more 'free' because he doesn't mind staying in Sotoba. Therefore, Toshio is like a ray of light that doesn't match up with Seishin's dark inner algorithm and is thus outside of him. Or maybe it's that Toshio just doesn't present a mystery to Seishin; I think I've said before that what you see is what you get with Toshio. Seishin is so disquieted by his life because he doesn't feel like he fits in, or can make sense of anything around him. It's like his life is floating around him, and he can't seem to put it together and calm down. So this fits because he worries about himself--and he's struggling between his identity and his expected role in the village--and the village--the thing that's keeping him trapped. Toshio's not something that he feels he needs to figure out, and perhaps that's why he doesn't think about him a lot.
It's an interesting idea; maybe Seishin's problem really is all in his subconscious. From a young age, he knew he was different, like you said. So then he might have started using that idea unintentionally to distance himself from the village. That also explains why he's so detached; if you think about the world around you being completely unrelated to you, something totally different than what you want for yourself, then it's easy to try to shun it as much as possible. And I believe that Seishin does try to shun the world; he kind of shrugs off his responsibilities like marriage, and he doesn't even consider how he'll be head monk. And (this is kind of a dark way to view Seishin, but) when Ozaki invites him to take an active role and annihilate the vampires--in other words, make an impact on the world around him, something he hasn't really done up till now--Seishin leaves that responsibility too. Seishin escapes into his writing and goes walking in the abandoned church at night because night is the only time when the world seems to pause and he has time to catch up with himself. In fact, doesn't that make him similar to a Shiki, if night is the only time when he can really be himself? He writes at night too, and by writing he's expressing himself, so...
That would explain why he's so detached from the village; it takes the arrival of Sunako to tell him that he just doesn't fit in with the system, something he knew all along. But it takes Sunako to get him to accept that.
I couldn't have explained the brother theory better myself--you know, you're the only person who I thought has a good understanding of it, I mean I never really understood how the story about Cain and Abel was related to Seishin's life until you talked about it, and most Shiki reviews I've read were just kind of like 'wtf' about the whole thing (and the rest didn't mention it at all). I think it also shows that Seishin does have a really good understanding of himself, even if he thinks he's lost. Does this also mean that Sunako didn't really help Seishin understand himself, because Seishin understood himself all along? Perhaps Seishin already knew what he really wanted, but it was the arrival of the Shiki that was a catalyst to make him act on his desire to change. Sunako just offered him a way out. If so, this kinda decreases her significance in the whole story.
It's also a really clever thing for Ono to think up--it's like, Seishin has a split personality, but they're united into one! So they're just the two faces of his personality. I've also sometimes thought of my personality as having separate faces, but never really thought about expressing it like that.
I actually like my stories to be as depressing as possible XD I enjoy comedies and heroic fantasies too, but it's the dark stories that really make me think. I like bittersweet endings. I don't like completely depressing endings, though--they're just as unsatisfying as happy ones. I like it when the characters' world gets fundamentally changed, nothing can return to how it was, and you're not sure everything will be okay from now on. Even if it does make me get hella feels ;-;
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-03-05 06:36 am (UTC)(link)My parents didn't force me to go, no... but like all parents, they wish for me to have a stable and decent paying job. And since being doctors and stuffs related to medical world is something they know better than any other job, they want me to be one. While for me, while medical studies aren't my favorite (my favorite is Psychology, actually) they're familiar, and I take comfort in that. I don't have any exact goal and pretty much don't know how to set one. And I'm not ready to be held responsible for my bad decisions, so I turned to my parents to guide me. Even if I like any other stuffs like Psychology or Japanese, I don't know if I want any job related to them and they're not familiar to me which makes me reluctant. I also don't think I love them enough to want to formally study them. The bad thing is, in all honesty I don't feel like I truly belong here, being a med student. I don't know if I could be a good doctor as well.
When I was younger too, I was frequently undecided whether I wanted to be a doctor or not. Being a doctor means to me that you'll witness a lot of pain. When I was in grade school I had to see my younger cousin screaming and crying when a nurse put an IV on him, and it had me sobbing too. I don't fear blood and gore for their sake, but thinking about what pain people have to go through seeing them distresses me. It was much worse when I was a kid. Doctors are also closely linked to death, in a sense that you will witness a lot of when life is taken away from your patients. I'm afraid of death, so...
I rather like getting to learn a bit of Latin though, studying Anatomy. I think the best method for me is reading the Atlas/textbooks frequently and implant it on my mind, and getting used to the real thing (cadavers)... but I kind of hate being in Anatomy lab. Oh well. I also have an Anatomy exam coming up. I hope you'll pass your test!
I think in some parts, yes, but in other parts, not really. My Dad is kind of idealistic (I inherited that from him lol) and as result he's often not very wise. He often argues with my more rational and practical (and in turn wiser) Mom. Whenever I catch them arguing about something like this even I think that my Dad can be pretty funny sometimes (as in 'your views are weird' funny). But he feels strongly about them, so he'll hardly back off. Reading about Toshio and Seishin arguing kind of reminds me of them, though the difference is my Dad is more assertive and can get more heated, and my Mom trying to be calmer and less condescending of his views, though in all truth she's also got a certain temper. They are awesome partners overall though.
Now you sound like Natsuno to me, though in all honesty Toshio is also studious and serious when it comes to work. It's just, I think Toshio wants to show people as if he was a lazy, no-good doctor when his own senior mentioned that he was as studious as ever. He kind of strikes me as a person who brags about being bad and hides good things he's done (when admittedly he's done a LOT of that), and will probably get flustered if people mention some good things he did.
I have never done volunteering before, but speaking about it we'll do some social work this year so I hope I'll be able to learn and contribute a lot! I'll also enter internship next year so I hope I'll also get to learn and practice some. But before that, I have to complete my degree...
Ah yes, remembering how wary I can be myself of sharing information, now I feel a bit guilty... I'm sorry D:
Thank you! Though I suppose this being a written communication kind of helps me open up more. IRL I cannot even look at people directly in the eyes for a long time if we're situated close. I'm also an introvert and thus most of the time I just want to be left alone, but I guess it's also because I already like it here? And thus I want to talk to everyone here. When I like certain people I can even surprise myself for approaching those people more often than I usually do people. I also find that when I'm not so concerned about image I can interact better with people. Me and my sister recently went to meet her friend, and we meet other people too. I played the self I usually am: the bossy and bratty younger sister, and it just flowed naturally from there. But that's because my sister is present and the focus is on her and not on me? When I'm at uni, what people focus on is me, and thus I don't think being 'bossy and bratty' is a good idea. I don't think it's a good idea overall to bring up the self you are at home in public, and my friends pretty much do the same too... though I become more awkward and probably less of a natural at 'splitting up personas' than my friends. At uni, I'm this introverted friend who tend to follow my more extroverted friends.
I agree with your idea that the reason Seishin never seems to think about Toshio is also because Toshio is much different from his 'inner' and thus is excluded. We did discuss about how Seishin seemed to 'worship' Toshio, and I think your opinion is linked to this. I think of Seishin as seeing Toshio as some kind of 'pillar'. Pillar of what, kind of a lot of things? Toshio is constant. He'll be able to provide some direction for Seishin when he's lost, reminding him of what he's supposed to do and so on. I think Seishin views Sotoba, its system and pillars as a 'God' (well, one of many interpretations of God according to him), which obviously don't include him because he's 'cursed' and 'different', but then it'd mean that he also includes Toshio in this definition of God. I think even if Seishin doesn't explicitly say it, Toshio is kind of included within the Hill in his novel. Toshio is a pillar, and the leader of Sotoba defense force. You cannot get anyone who screams Sotoba more than he does, and I think Seishin gets that in the first place. He gets it, and starts to symbolize Toshio as Sotoba, Sotoba as Toshio, probably. Toshio can be the 'outer'. But then it's also in my opinion that Toshio is also quite the 'bridge' between Seishin and Sotoba, so Toshio is a 'border' as well as 'outer'. If he does things for Toshio, in his mind he's doing them for the village. He tries to blend in with the system also through Toshio, who's like the representation of system itself.
Seishin feels separated from system, which factors in his feeling detached from it, yes. But I think he actually wants to properly bond with it. It's kind of never-ending battle within him: does he follow the system but lose himself, or follow himself but lose the system? He both loves his self AND the system, both are important to him, and it breaks him that he'll never reach a point where he's able to balance and marry the two. If we look at this, then his entire relationship with Toshio resembles his entire relationship with the system, symbolized by their ultimate separation. Being separated from Toshio results in him being turned into a Jinrou and loses Sotoba altogether. These events are interconnected. So while in the end he's able to find himself, he also loses another part that's also important. I think it's fitting; no one in Shiki doesn't lose something. Because when you have an 'inner', you also have an 'outer', and both define yourself. If 'outer' disappears then it's just as good to say that 'inner' also disappears. Well, this is also only one theory...
I think Seishin subconsciously 'knows', but cannot exactly put it into words. Or knows most of it, but not the rest. He's also getting fed up from not being able to balance his self and the system. While he loves the system, he also probably hates its dark side (no system is perfect). He also wants to assert his self more. If he could find a place for himself within the system, all the better. But he couldn't. I think Sunako is still significant in that she's the key to Seishin 'pursuing' his self, though on the price of losing the system. Sotoba, Toshio.
I think deep down Seishin wants to separate himself from the system. Being 'different' would mean that he wants to assert himself as it is. He doesn't want to yield to system. But there's also a part in him that equally as big, which wants to yield to system. He also knows that deep down, he's the kind of person who's unable to live without system. Rebel or follow. He has both these instincts. So yeah, never-ending battle. (in the end though, he's probably more 'rebel' than 'follow')
I can accept any work becoming as depressing as it can be. EXCEPTING my favorite characters end up dying.
Re: 8D
To be honest, I think that anyone could be anything if they really tried to, regardless if they want to or not. You know what I mean? Even if you're not cut out to be a doctor or it feels uncomfortable all the time, you can still learn the vocabulary and the materials and still treat people successfully, even without liking it. That being said, if you really feel that you'll be unhappy working as a doctor, it's best to turn back now rather than regret it all the time later, I'm not someone whose advice you should base your decision on at all, because it's something serious and even though we talk I probably don't know enough facts to give you advice that would lead you on the right path for yourself.
I think picking out a career is a lot about balance. People say, 'do what makes you happy', and while this is true, it's also true that in life you always have to do things that are unpleasant, that you don't like. You don't want every waking day at work to be torture, but if it's a high paying job, you'd also be 'happy' if you have the financial stability and freedom to create the life you want for yourself and have more time to pursue your hobbies outside of work. If you're really passionate about psychology, you could try doing that too, though. I'm not sure it works the same way in your country, but my friend wants to be a psychiatrist (you still need to go into medical school for it) and it's similar but pays more than being a psychologist, and also you get to prescribe people medicine. I'm not the person with all the information about that, but maybe that's something worth looking into?
For me, both of my parents wanted me to go into computer science. We've never had a doctor in the family. I thought I would do just computer science, but then a few of years ago I decided that I was really passionate about medicine, and just basically told everyone I was going into medical school, and that was that. Nobody really protests anymore, because medicine is a high-paying profession too. What I'm most frightened about is starting lessons for that profession, only to discover that I hate it...but I think even if that happened, I'd still continue plowing through if only out of pure stubbornness. But I've dissected animals in science classes and never even felt queasy, so that's got to count for something, right? (In fact, this week we're going to begin dissecting a cat!)
I've always thought about doctors being connected to life most of all! It's interesting seeing someone with the opposite opinion. Part of the reason I want to become a doctor is to make people's lives better. I don't know if there's any profession that helps people's lives as much as medicine. I see life as something important--regardless if one believes you have just this life, or if you'll have many lives after this one, the fact is that you're living life NOW, and you're not fully living it if you're sick, and nothing's more unfair than having all those possibilities be snatched away from you by a premature death. (I think that's one of the reasons I'm on the human side in Shiki, I'm all "who gives them the right to end someone's life just so that they can feel full?) Doctors prolong life, and improve life (erm, if they do their jobs correctly, that is!), and that's something I absolutely want to be a part of. And depending on your specialization, you don't necessarily have to see people die. Say if you're a doctor that sets people's broken legs, then there's less of a chance you're going to see death than if you're like an emergency room doctor.
Good luck on your Anatomy exam! (If it hasn't passed yet...if it has, I bet you blew it right out of the water!)
It's nice that your parents balance each other out so well! I hope I can have such a stable partnership with whoever I end up marrying ;-; That's like, the leeeeast of my worries tho.
I am Natsuno after all? Dx Well, I guess since opposites attract, then the same types of people must repel, which is why I never liked Natsuno. As much as I like Toshio, actually, I really don't like people who are very studious and get excellent grades but then always claim that they're disorganized and dumb, or try to seem so. I don't mean that you should always brag, but it's irritating to have someone say they're a bad student when everyone can see that they're actually very good, or worse: better than I am. Natsuno doesn't really bring up his studies (as far as we see in the novel), but we can still tell they're important to him. That sounds more like me. You relate the most to Seishin you've said, right? Does it have to do with you both kind of being obliged to continue with a career you're not sure about?
There's nothing wrong with being an introvert. A lot of people act differently in different situations, but it's good that there's times when you can 'let go'. The most important thing is to be comfortable with yourself; don't think of yourself as a follower like that's something bad, you're PART of that friend group, right? It wouldn't be fun being friends with people who are all exactly the same. I'm sure your friends hang out with you because they want to, not because you follow them around. Introverts get energy from being alone, right? so that doesn't mean that they can't be outgoing or loud sometimes, it just means that they need quiet time to recharge afterward.
I bet Toshio wouldn't like that Seishin considers him as screaming 'Sotoba'! I was thinking today, though, and I realize that Seishin DOES worry about Toshio: that scene when after Toshio yells at him, he confides to Sunako that it's so sad seeing his friend lose it like that, even saying that Toshio usually tries to keep his emotions in check. So we know that he's perceptive enough about Toshio to realize that he has to really try to keep calm a lot of the time, and thus he's really disciplined. If someone who's really disciplined starts to lose it, that's a sign that something's wrong. Since it affected him deeply enough to seek out the church and then to confide to Sunako about how he's worried about Toshio, I think we can safely say that he was concerned about his friend there. It actually says a lot about Seishin, too, that he doesn't get mad at Toshio for yelling at him, but instead recognizes that Toshio didn't mean to hurt his feelings without Toshio having to explain it.
But then, it's also bad that the only time we see Seishin thinking of Toshio is when he's acting out of the norm. Normal Toshio is comforting to Seishin: perhaps he sees him as part of the surroundings. Sotoba is unchanging and, let's be honest, Toshio doesn't really change from when he was a kid to how he is as an adult now. So if everything's fine, if there's no vampire attack, then what we said still stands because when everything's normal Seishin doesn't think about Toshio that much.
Maybe Seishin is actively avoiding thinking of Toshio for some reason? He usually thinks about the village and how it's surrounded by death, and that makes him more depressed about his current situation and his place in the system, as you said. So if he thinks about Toshio, maybe he starts associating him with Sotoba and then come the negative feelings and Seishin doesn't want to associate Toshio with negative feelings.
Seishin is a fascinating character, isn't he? His thoughts are so dynamic and multilayered that they also get in his way; his overthinking it keeps him from taking any significant actions until the end of the novel. But then, it also places him a stage higher than all the rest of the characters because while they couldn't resist doing anything, Seishin keeps himself detached from the conflict and as a result only kills one person. Of course, it wouldn't be right if nobody did anything, but still.
I'd also have my favorite characters be alive even if they're in a really bad situation because at least then I can HOPE that it'll get better for them...possibly...maybe...
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-03-10 11:50 am (UTC)(link)You mentioned about being a psychiatrist, and to be honest it's one thing I've considered as well. Now I get to learn about neurobehavioral system and I get the feeling I'll enjoy this more than other medical studies. I even truly enjoyed the anatomy lecture of it, which hasn't really happened before... it's come to mind that really, the one thing that fascinates me the most is our brain. I hope I don't sound creepy, but human beings really are awesome. People do bad things every now and then, and in my opinion only human beings are capable of being monster, but I love seeing, learning and pondering about awesome things that come from people and what they're capable of.
That's an admirable motivation -- I think that's the motivation med students should have in the first place. Perhaps being a doctor is both linked to life and death. Not that I think death is all there is to it, because it obviously isn't... but I think being a doctor means that you'll witness a lot of it, and like what Toshio said: life is short, and there are times when you'll be hopelessly unable to do anything but see.
The exam is postponed until next month, fortunately for me 8D more time to prepare. I hope I'll be able to do as well as you hope me to, thank you!
Ah, the subject of marriage. I can't not think about it. I'm already in my early 20s, and I'll be expected to marry in a few years... and no boyfriend yet. I'm going to be so doomed.
Yeah, I can also see why people who brag about being dumb when they actually do well are kind of annoying. Regarding Toshio though, I think he only mainly plays dumb among villagers and elders since he has certain kind of reputation and decides to just play along, but not outside that. Toshio is also pretty business-like in my opinion, so I think he'll do things to gain people's trust and raise fame. Which means he'll be more concerned with image among outsiders. I wonder about his university days -- I think he'd be considerably less rude, and looked after his appearance to some extent. He seems to have good reputation among outsiders, if his interaction with his senior is any indication.
This saying about people of the same types must repel strangely never applies to me. I'll probably sound narcissistic, but one of the reasons why I love Seishin so much is because I can see many aspects of myself in him and I love myself. I may moralize him because I also moralize myself and be suspicious of my own motives sometimes, but I'll always love myself first and foremost. Granted, he does set off many alarms in my head because of those similarities. Thanks to analyzing and reading about him I also got to discover some parts of myself I didn't realize I had before. I hope I'll not end up becoming Sunako ver. 2 though lol. Speaking about those similarities, in a way my being unsure about my future career probably shares some aspects with his similar issue. I actually don't really know if 'feeling obliged' is the word for my case, but that probably applies too. We have also been talking about his being inconstant, and it honestly speaks true about myself as well; I am inconstant, which is my strength as well as weakness, but I also desire some semblance of constancy to balance it out -- which, because of my inability to seek it in myself, I'll seek in other people and things around me, my parents being a prime example. This is why despite my feeling inconstant I perhaps seem pretty organized to people, since I don't mess with big life decisions. I'm super cautious, and I prefer safety and comfort. We have also been talking about Seishin's self versus system struggles, and I also have some of that (but in all honesty I think lots of people have similar issues). I'm also prone to using metaphors and symbolism. There are other things as well. I think I can find more of myself in him than in any other fictional characters, but I often fear that I've actually been biased all along and that it's all actually only in my head? But nah, if that's the case, it'll be new horizon and new knowledge.
The 'switch' kind of fascinates me, though. At home I'm this bossy and bratty kid but outside I tend to be timid and just follow what people say. It isn't like one of them is fake, but it seems more to me that I have both capabilities all along. I'm bratty and bossy at home because I know what my home situation is like and because my family will always accept me no matter how bad I behave. I'm calmer and more timid among outsiders because I wish to keep my short temper in check and because I revert to observer mode, since I know nothing about outside situations and I have to learn. I tend to bow down to people's wish, especially among outsiders because aside from my observing people around me, I wish deeply to avoid conflicts, and because their emotions rub off me pretty easily and I kind of have a problem with saying no? I'm still learning how to just say what I want, because then we'll find a way to accommodate everyone anyway. Everyday is a learning process. And to talk without stuttering! So yeah, balance is in the heart of things.
Wow, that chapter. If you ask me to name Seishin's expression in that chapter, it'd be love. I really want it animated D8
For now I can only guess: 1) Your idea on Seishin not wanting to associate Toshio with bad feelings 2) Perhaps Seishin has more pressing matters than thinking about Toshio -- namely, his own issues 3) They're kind of like an old married couple so everything is habitual and habitual means not requiring active thinking 4) Perhaps Seishin is treating Toshio the same way he treats his marriage issue? My meta is Seishin avoiding thinking about marriage because it's a problem that's especially hard to solve and thus he locks it away in a box and procrastinates from solving it. 5) tied in with no 4 -- since Seishin relates Toshio with the system, and thinking about system would make him go into constant existential crisis because thinking about things would mean questioning them. He avoids thinking about system (and Toshio) because he subconsciously fears for his mental health and because he still wants to follow the system. Keeping oneself ignorant about the bad side of things would mean they would still be allowed a place within system (both psychological and technical), after all. Because he's ignorant, he cannot be held responsible for bad things that happen. He's doing it to protect himself, deliberate or not. Probably both.
Well, one might argue that Seishin was just as guilty as the rest because his procrastinating meant lives were lost, and that he was only being concerned of his own self. But either way, Seishin is indeed fascinating. In my opinion though, he's the only one allowed to properly show off the awesomeness of his character because he appears most often and his introspection is constantly shown, which add to details. I'd reckon that the rest of the characters are as fascinating as he is -- they just didn't get the chance to show off!
Re: 8D
At the very least, your job shouldn't determine if your life is good or not, although it definitely plays a part in that. Even though it might not end up being something you enjoy, going to work isn't all that life's about. In fact, work shouldn't be the same as a hobby. There's a reason why hard jobs that nobody really want to do are the best-paying ones.
I completely share your appreciation of the human brain, lol. In fact, it's why I want to specialize in neurology. Ever since I got inspired to be a doctor, I knew that I didn't want to be a general practitioner, but I wanted to know all there is to know about a specific topic, and neurology just seemed right when I pictured myself at that job. Again, this might change since I haven't had a lot of chances to actually try my hand at studying it in depth and I might find something I like more, but I"m overall very interested in the anatomy of personalities. There's no different species of humans, right, just homo sapiens. This means that our genetic makeup is very similar at its core, and all our organs look about the same and do the same thing (with some rare mutations). So why is each individual different? It's such a big thing for me to imagine that everything I am and my likes and dislikes, are all chemical reactions happening in my brain. I want to understand it more. So, I guess my interest in it is more anatomical, whereas yours is more behavioral. Let's both be brain fangirls!
I also think of medicine, or any time you're patching up a wound even, as a battle against death. I don't mean to be dramatic, but it's pretty daring; especially in our age, there's been so many advances that you can live with conditions that would have killed you on the spot even 50 years ago. But still, people die. That's something irreversible, and something we can only prolong but can never cancel (for now...), and people have always been fascinated and scared of it most of all. So I see healing or anything like it as keeping death at bay, or trying to run away from it--and in order to do that, like in any battle, you'll have to be in close proximity to it. You don't really fight death for real unless you're close to it. So yeah, I guess, doctors are closer to death than most.
You have lots of time to get married! I'm pretty much in the same boat as you, but I've heard that these things can happen really quickly. For example, my boss at work was single the June before last (when I first started working). A year later, she was married and 3 months pregnant! The thought of that is also extremely terrifying.
Yeah, I'd also say that Toshio trying to act unprofessional is more endearing than annoying. I hadn't thought of him as using it as a tool to make himself more approachable and, well, himself in the village, but that's also probably true. I talked a lot before about how if he was going to stay in the village and take over after his father, he'd do it on his terms--and I think that acting the way he does helps him do that. He still has to do the job, but he can dress how he wants and talk how he wants. This ties in with what I said a few paragraphs up about how your job isn't everything, your real life is still out there outside of your job. Toshio definitely found himself a good place there, being able to be himself while still being generally liked and respected throughout the village. Since Toshio will do whatever he needs to get done, I agree that he was probably more straight-laced at his university. He's still not on his own at that point, so letting himself be his chain-smoking sassy self wouldn't be wise. Appearances do make a difference, and I'm sure Toshio realizes this.
It's good to love yourself! For sure, one of the best things about reading (or watching movies too) is relating to the characters. I read a lot growing up, and still do, and I don't think I'd be the same person if I didn't get a chance to relate to and admire my favorite characters. When you're young, I feel like it's also kind of dangerous to lean on your favorite characters too much; if you really like someone as a role model it's easy to go like "I want to be EXACTLY this person" and then you kind of try to push your own personality aside because you feel like you'd have a better time if you had the qualities of the character. Maybe this is just me, but doesn't apply to everyone lol, but I did have to deal with it, and I did grow out of that pretty fast thankfully. Also, even if being some other character can be fun (that's why people cosplay), you often find that other people perceive you as weird if you're trying to be overly fictional. For example, there was this girl I knew from class a few years ago, and you could tell she watched way too much anime or it made too big of an impression on her or something, because she always squealed and did the anime "ehhh!?" when she was surprised, and (this was the worst) whenever someone teased her, she'd punch them or kick them playfully? In anime, it can be funny when someone gets flustered and gets violent, but in real life you can really hurt someone. Also, she sprinkled random Japanese words around in daily conversation even though she was a white English speaker in an English speaking school.
That's obviously going too far, but all the same I think the benefits of relating to characters outweigh the risks. Going back to how it's important growing up, reading books with diverse characters is important to mature and develop a moral compass, especially if one's home life isn't that good. If someone's raised knowing nothing but negativity, they'll grow up a negative person. But if the kid gets a chance to experience good and bad characters and draw inspiration from them, perhaps they'll grow up better.
I don't think I identify with anyone in Shiki (or any book at all, come to think of it) as much as you identify with Seishin, but I think it's good to have a character to compare yourself to and thus recognize more of your own strengths and weaknesses.
It sounds as though you switch when you're around people you're most comfortable with. A lot of people do that, to different extents, put on a different face to the public than they would in private. First impressions do matter, and I think people subconsciously do it to present a more favorable first impression than their 'private self'. Perhaps they present the kind of face that they think is acceptable in the public (so, for example, maybe you think that while being in public, seeming quiet and attentive as the best). Everyone has a different idea for which face is most acceptable...it also has to do with how you're raised. For me, in my classes it's common for kids to talk back to the teachers and be overall kind of obnoxious. I'm originally from a different country, so I was raised a bit differently and I always find myself being more respectful and formal when talking to adults or other peers in the school setting. A lot of the time when talking to people I usually don't talk to, they say something like, "Wow, I never thought I'd hear that coming from you! You seem so straight-laced in class!" Sometimes I make an effort to be more informal, but then I feel bad because now it seems rude. Oh well. Yeah, I don't like initiating conflicts either. I can be opinionated around people I know well, but I usually think it's best to appear neutral.
They did kind of animate the scene where Seishin's worried about Toshio and tells Sunako! I forgot what episode it was in, maybe the fifth one? I'm glad they decided to at least include it. You could say that you can find out more about a relationship between two people by hearing them talk about each other to someone else.
Also since Seishin holds Toshio on a pedestal, he could consider himself to be unable to do anything to help. He sees Toshio as a very strong person, whereas Seishin knows that he's very confused about his place in the village and about his suicide attempt too. Should someone who's such a mess have any right trying to give advice to someone like Toshio? That's a really harmful attitude, though... And it also shows how much Seishin is passive that he doesn't try to calm Toshio down or reassure him or anything, despite worrying to Sunako about him. When Toshio sits down later and apologizes, Seishin just says something along the lines of "it's alright", whereas he could have tried to reassure him. But that also might not be the kind of relationship that they have; if they're so comfortable with each other, then neither of them probably think it's necessary. Besides, Toshio kind of bulldozes over him because he's excited to share his vampire theory.
If Seishin had joined Toshio though, I'm not sure that he could have done anything to help...although now I'm trying to imagine how the story might have ended if Seishin had decided to pretend to join Sunako but only talks to her to spy on her for Toshio. The counterattack against the Shiki didn't really rely on stealth, but still, at the very least they could have discovered that Yamairi was the hideout much sooner.
Seishin shows off with his mind and Toshio shows off with his actions, it's perfect!
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-03-11 06:52 pm (UTC)(link)(Speaking about my Dad, he's quite an individualist himself, which makes me think that if he were to read Shiki he might be able to understand Seishin. He's the one I inherited my Seishin-ness from, probably lol)
Neurology? Go for it! 8D Yeah, my interest is mostly behavioral. I love analyzing people and finding out how our mind works. The complexities of human mind is something that will always amaze me. Not only do I like to study other people, I study myself as well. Why and How are my favorite questions, so it sometimes extends to philosophy as well. Nowadays I sometimes sit and ponder about the meaning behind things I do, and I'm amazed every time, since that's what makes me uniquely me.
Well, 3 or 4 years isn't that much time (that's the ideal), and noooooooo I don't want it to be super quick. A part of me that loves stability and security (and too cautious to boot) literally screams at that. There are people who can jump into things very quickly, but I'm not one. I may be inconstant, but as I pondered about it again that's mostly in my head only. When it comes to my interaction with external world, I'm very much rooted in place, even if I may feel detached. Speaking about boyfriend criteria, if I can manage it I want to find someone who also reads and watches Shiki. I want to be like "Hey let's talk about Shiki and let me tell you about the OTP." to him. It'll be wonderful if he's also as passionate about it as I am... and I better stop now. The more I daydream the more it'll become too far-fetched.
Yeah, it's really nice when you can find a place for yourself in the system -- and I think that's one more reason for Seishin to envy Toshio. One more reason to look up to him too. While for Seishin, he doesn't know at all how to do things on his own terms, relying fully on the system and its rules even when he's got a particularly high sense of self just like him. Toshio, aside from being naturally cut out for system, knows more how to integrate his genuine self into the system. He's much more balanced as a person, and while even if in the end he's as much a person of Sotoba's system as Seishin is, he's able to create a system within system, a system built purely for his self's sake, his self's system -- he's able to give form to his self, validate it and make it real. Toshio's self isn't merely an ideal. What Seishin isn't able to do as of yet is give a real form to his ideals. Well, I think it also has a lot to do with his internalized phobia, which plays role in his worshiping the system too much. He hates his genuine self that he thinks the system should stay as it is without a person like him, as a person like him will only taint the system. Is this also why he avoids Toshio or makes halted attempts at reaching him? Because he's 'not suited/good for him'? As a friend, also because he relates him too much with the system? (Also tied in with your idea, which I also agree with).
I can sort of understand (on pushing your own personality aside in favor of being more like a character). I think it has happened to me before, even if it's not precisely a character. Also, I think you can already tell, but a great deal of my analysis on Seishin is based on my own experiences and thinking process. I mean, I can be wrong but I'm pretty sure about quite a lot of things? I wonder if I've become overly biased or if I'm biased at all. Well, of course there'll be some bias. What do you think about my analysis? Do they make sense to you and you can see them logically apply to Seishin?
That's totally a yes -- like you, I always put on a more favorable face in public. Got into too many problems to count in the past because I showed too much of my temper and selfishness.
I still don't know about this topic since I haven't really thought about it, but the impression I got is everyone is really considerably slow at making counterattacks. Toshio, even if he's the quickest, can still likely do better than that. He's quick but sometimes not the most efficient and effective either. He really is too impulsive sometimes. I kind of get his slowness in properly diagnosing the patients though, since aside from his being a 'proof it' person, he's also too much of a textbook person? He's suspicious, but nothing about whatever the villagers have is in whatever he's studied so he cannot give a proper treatment. Even the way he gives treatments is also too-textbook oriented if I'm not mistaken. Following textbook is good, but relying on it too much is not good. They all have flaws, and they'll seem slow anyway compared to the shiki because the Kirishikis have made extensive planning since God knows when and are just executing it now. Toshio tends to be too impulsive with a lack of thorough planning, but thankfully it makes him an opportunist. He's probably much more of a doer and decision maker than planner; his plans are all short term and more for-the-moment, or at least that's how it seems to me. On one hand we have Seishin who contemplates too much he doesn't get to do anything... and we have Toshio as the exact opposite.
Re: 8D
That's kind of what I meant. What I was getting at is that I think that jobs and hobbies should be wholly separate. To me at least, having a job requires a totally different attitude than a hobby. With my job, I force myself to do something because I want to do what they're paying me for, and it's a responsibility that's kind of apart from myself (benefits the company, not me). With hobbies (I like writing fiction, so I'll use that as an example), I allow myself to be a little bit more lax. If I'm having a day when I can't get anything written, I can go do something else and take it at a pace I'm comfortable with thinking of new ideas before writing them down. With a job you don't have that luxury, and you shouldn't allow yourself to have that luxury. If you're at a job and you're just not feeling it one day, you can't decide to go relax like you would with a hobby, you have to do it anyway. And the converse is true, yeah, like what you said: if you apply the job mentality to your hobbies when you harshly force yourself to do it while you don't want to do it then you won't enjoy the hobbies anymore. Obviously, there's a lot of variation with this. The only job I've had experience with is retail, so it's not an independent working environment whereas a more hobby-oriented job such as photography would absolutely be more independent. If you work from home then there's more leeway with giving yourself breaks at times when you need it, but if it's a punch-clock job then you can't so much.
Being passionate about something isn't the same as having a hobby, though. Being genuinely interested in the subject matter makes you more likely to study if only because it stops seeming like a chore. I'm pretty lucky this schoolyear because all of my classes are interesting...except for Language. I hate Language possibly more than math! I never liked studying English, but it was okay if you're learning about syntax or vocabulary or grammar. What I hate is reading something and then having to analyze it, and not even by yourself--oftentimes there's a 'right answer' for how you're supposed to interpret the reading, and somehow I can never get the right answer. I don't care to analyze anything unless I genuinely like it (I love analyzing Shiki, and probably do better analyses here than at school), and I guess I also hate the trap that says that "It's writing, so there's no wrong answer for interpreting something! It's different for everyone!" even though there really is a specific way you're supposed to interpret passages.
Going back to being interested about subject matter, perhaps what you can do is connect what you're interested in to what you're not interested in. For example, if you're studying some anatomy and you really don't want to, you can think about how this would help you with better understanding psychiatry, or even just think of it as a hurdle you have to clear before getting to the stuff you really like. You really should pursue psychiatry if you're passionate about it! Just from your analyses here for example I can tell that you're able to empathize with or understand the actions of a lot of the characters. That kind of empathy would help a lot in your field, I think.
I'm with you on not wanting to rush into anything. I know that when you first meet people, a lot of it is first impression and if the first impression is good, it's going to influence how you see them for a long time, making even their normal actions seem endearing and even letting you brush off things they do that you don't like. Before getting married, I'd want to wait until that first impression fuzz wears off. I'm one of the people that would prefer to be close friends with the person first before starting a relationship. Even so, all it takes is to just meet someone sometimes. Any day in your 3-4 years you could potentially meet someone that could satisfy all the criteria. Let's enjoy being single while we still can!
Your system idea also ties in with what we're discussing about being better at jobs you're passionate about. I guess another way to put it is that you're better at jobs that match your personality? I guess Toshio matches the system, and I'd say his personality pretty closely aligns with a doctor. Not in the way you'd expect, but I imagine if I was a patient at the Ozaki clinic, I'd feel at ease because of Toshio's conversational manner (also because of dat stubble~). It makes the medicine procedures seem more normal if you treat them like they're normal, you know? and I think Toshio would absolutely do that. He's also devoted to the health of the village, so he has a personal drive to do well. So he can't resent the system too much because it allows him to be what he kinda wants to be all along. Seishin...I don't know what he wants to be, but he doesn't want to be a monk, I think. For one, from his essays you can tell that his personal faith is a bit different from the one he's been raised on. He does value all life to the point of not killing the Shiki (he does kill Ohkawa, which could either be a spur of the moment thing or evidence of how he's changed over the novel, I'm still not sure), but I guess he places less importance on the rituals that are tied to his parents' faith. Faith is important to him, but he doesn't want to live his life around it, which is what the system makes him do. And how would Seishin define life? I just got an idea that maybe the the reason he's so uncomfortable with his temple self is because it doesn't let him 'live'. Living is more than just breathing and thinking right, it's also experiencing the world outside and being yourself (to Seishin, maybe that's what he thinks). Seishin can do neither while at the temple, so...what do you think?
I think you're great with articulating your thoughts about Seishin! You're meticulous about it, and support your theories with canon. I can't identify with Seishin as much as you, so I'm sorry in advance if I hit things off the mark sometimes XD Just make sure to correct me! I agree with your theories, and the evidence from the text can't fully prove or disprove them, but so what? Characters aren't just what is written down in the text, a bunch of thoughts and actions. They're also how you interpret them. The author can write them, but where the character really comes alive is in the heart of the reader, who interprets them their own way. For every one character, it's a slightly different character to everyone who reads about them. I'm really in favor of making the characters your own like this, since it really helps you enjoy the story more and makes it so much more special. (as long as it doesn't directly contradict canon, that is. Like if someone directly interpreted Sunako as not being a shiki...obviously wrong!)
I also think people are so hard on themselves (putting on your best face in public). The whole practice of putting on your best face stems from the feeling that people won't like you or make life harder for you if you don't bother to put up any facade. That's horrible if you think about it...but not enough to make me change my behavior, I suppose. I'm not such an open person as to have everyone see my "tru self" from the get-go, it'd just make me uncomfortable.
Ooh yes, that's a nice paradox with Toshio. He doesn't want to do things halfway, so he tries thinking things through and avoid anything that can go wrong. He doesn't really try to make attempts to hint to the villagers that there might be Shiki, for instance, and the only times he really does are those scenes where he's in Creole with some other Sotoba bros, but one time he's too subtle and the other time he's so direct he seems ridiculous. But then he probably feels frustrated about not being able to do anything, and acts fast without thinking stuff through, which also is detrimental. I also wonder if he had any plans for what to do after annihilating the Shiki. Natsuno didn't make plans at all, intending to die there, but I don't think Ozaki intended to die at all. Maybe he didn't want to think of what to do after the whole event, because if it went wrong he didn't want to give himself false hope. At the very least, we can probably say that he was planning on staying in Sotoba, since he couldn't foresee that it would burn down.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-03-18 02:52 pm (UTC)(link)I'm quite interested in languages (especially Japanese), but given my temperament, I prefer to do it 'my way' than meticulously following instructions. Come to think of it, I'm considerably bad at following instructions, and a part of me that's bad at details makes things worse. I often have a rather difficult time to focus at sentences one-at-a-time in a passage too -- often, my eyes will travel to other places before I even get to properly understand what I've just read. This is also one of reasons why I rarely read novels. Not to mention that sometimes it's hard to get what a sentence means, which is probably also because I lack focus.
Talking about Psychiatry, I told my parents and close friends that I was gonna consider taking it and fortunately they're all supportive 8DD. I've got two lectures of it and they seemed right up my alley too. I still have to do lots of research because I'm cautious and this is stepping into unknown territory, but it got me excited because so far I like it. My Dad told me that when I entered internship I'd have a chance to look properly at everything there was and experience them, and to rank them, and to take up what I liked the most. I already know what to least likely consider though: everything that includes performing surgery, Pediatrics, and perhaps Forensic. One of my close friends is also pretty interested in Psychiatry, though she's perhaps less 'set in stone' about it than I am.
Speaking about empathy, I think it can be annoying and freakish as hell though. I think one rather extreme example of it would be Will Graham from Hannibal (I've only watched a few earlier episodes though). It plays a part in how I seem to be inconstant -- because I'm rather easily influenced by other people. It's kind of alarming when I feel compelled to hate something just because other people said that they hate it, when I lose passion in something quite a bit because other people dislike it. (The passion does return later, but it's still annoying) Experiencing others' emotions like wanting to cry when they cry, smiling when they smile, getting panicked when they panic (this one is especially annoying). Not saying that I'm in constant state of empathy because I spend majority of my time inside my head and is often unaware of my surroundings/doesn't focus on it, and that like other people I can only do it to an extent? But the fact that I can 'feel' (what I think) people/characters feel and 'accepting' it even if I actually find what they do at the time is morally wrong, is quite scary. It also plays a part in my catering to others' needs to some extent, and also makes me unable to say no at times.
Which, again, brings me to Seishin. Not saying that all my personality traits are applicable to him, but I'm just playing with an idea and -- I think he really is considerably empathetic even with the fact that he tends to detach himself from his surroundings. I think this empathy plays a role in his not being able to detach himself from system (since everyone does things according to the system and he could very well be influenced) and also in making him unable to assert himself aside from him having an internalized phobia. I think empathy in essence means 'obliteration of self in favor of others', so. However, like any person would, it'll probably be harder for him to feel empathy towards something he already hates, which is Sotoba as a community and a system (even if he can still empathize with the individuals), while I think he's still able to empathize properly with the shiki because he hasn't formed any negative impression on them in the first place. He's also an individualist, which means he'll advocate everyone being themselves and do whatever they like and be unashamed of it. I think hurting anyone (even shiki) is against his moral values, period. Only that, in this case, his long-brewed hatred kind of tops other feelings he has towards Sotoba as a community. He values life as everyone's right, but he also probably has a bias here.
In a way, yes. Like Seishin, I also want my job to align with my moral values (even if mine aren't as strong as his I think), aside from it aligning with my interests. You could say that I wish for a job that suits me. Regarding Toshio, like you said, I've always imagined him as someone who aligns more with the system. Meaning, Toshio is normal, and he's capable of doing things like how a villager is supposed to. While for Seishin, he feels 'abnormal', given that (I think) he cannot share the faith that his parents and the village have, which means he feels that he's sure to be rejected by the system. However, the system is all he knows. He cannot figure out life beyond Sotoba system's boundary, and thus he relies on it too much. He wants to be a part of the system, which would mean that he subconsciously tries to reject his true self (internalized phobia), but at the same time he wants to be his genuine self, which means that he also subconsciously tries to reject the system. Seishin doesn't exactly do compromise, because he thinks both should stay as pure as they are -- the system shouldn't be tainted by the likes of (real) him, and the real him shouldn't be tainted by the system and exists wholly and freely. Which means he's self-destructing even without him knowing it. I think to him life means being oneself, so yeah I agree with you. Though I think given a lot of things he cannot do just that, even if a part of him honestly wants to.
Thank you! 8D I sometimes feel a little bad about my analyses on Seishin, since it seems sometimes that I'm just projecting myself onto him -- but even if I feel considerably confident at being able to understand him, it's not like I force these analyses down people's throats, so I shouldn't feel bad. I'm just a fan who does what fans love to do -- theorizing stuffs and sometimes bases them off of my own experiences mainly for fun and share them with others. However, I'd hate it if I got too biased about stuffs to the point of ridiculous, and I fear that sometimes I lack some objectivity to rein me in? Though I think considering you three's responds, I think I've perhaps done quite nicely. 8D
That's also what I think: that Toshio didn't make any plans at all except continuing staying in Sotoba the usual way. Natsuno does have a goal to get out of Sotoba, but in his case the world gets between him and that said goal, which makes him give in since he has the inkling that he wouldn't actually be able to get out of Sotoba anyway.
Re: 8D
Thanks, that's so kind of you to say about me being admirable! XD I'm in a good mood today because one of the colleges I've applied to accepted me! But yes, it's good to have that streak of caution that keeps your rebelliousness in check. It's always good to think of the possible consequences behind a decision to do something (or to not do something), sort of looking beyond what you want to do right now. You're very self aware, and that's a good thing; I can tell, you know a lot about yourself and your personality, and you know what you do and don't want to do. Despite that, you're always trying to find out more--I haven't met many people like it, most aren't so self-aware, or don't have the introspection necessary to be self-aware.
Do you have problems with reading Shiki a little bit because it's hard to focus? It'd probably be good to read a fast-paced, light novel type of book for you, then. Ghost Hunt would be really good in this regard! I like reading, I really attach a lot of importance to it. I read a lot as a kid (still do) and it's shaped me a lot growing up. Not only does it enhance your vocabulary, but also your imagination because your brain needs to work to picture the events happening. I'm not one of those people that insists that you have to read only a certain type of literature, or "timeless classics" though, I think any reading is good if you like it. I also want to learn Japanese, but I'm the complete opposite in that I would find it hard to do without a class. I don't trust myself to lay out a study plan for myself, and I'm afraid of making some kind of erroneous assumption that will persist throughout my learning and will never be corrected (whereas a teacher would probably correct it if they noticed something like that), if that makes sense. Some kind of textbook would work, maybe, but it's hard to sit down and study Japanese after already sitting down and studying school stuff after already sitting down in school for 7 hours per day. What method do you use to study it?
It sounds like Psychiatry would work really well for you! Your family sounds really supportive, and yeah if you're genuinely interested in the subject matter, that's a good sign. I'd say not to jump into anything and experience stuff more, but it sounds like you're doing just that with your lectures and then later you will for your internship too. Will you get to try different medical fields of study during your internship?
I've never seen Hannibal, but I've also definitely noticed that people's opinions can sway someone too. For instance there's mob mentality right, and also I think it shows as much about the person influencing you as the person being influenced. If someone is able to influence someone so much, that indicates they have a lot of charisma, or something about them appeals to the other person, I suppose. When someone appeals to you, you start to want to agree with them, and then the opposite when you don't like them, when you try to argue every single one of their points in an effort to make them look as stupid as you think they are. I think being influenced negatively like this is more prominent in me than being influenced positively; someone I really hate could say something I agree with, and I'd probably argue against it anyway. However, it doesn't necessarily have to be a really charismatic person to influence people around them; everyone has that ability to some degree. I've noticed and I'm sure you have too, that people act differently around different people. I definitely do that (and so do you probably, since you're more "bossy" with your sister than your friends!), but I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing either? It doesn't show that you're really malleable, I think it's just your natural instinct trying to avoid discord or rubbing people the wrong way. Again, it's putting your best face forward--you unconsciously try to seem as agreeable as possible to the other person. Some would call that being "fake", but it's also being polite because you wouldn't want to purposefully piss someone you don't know off. It's also way too much effort and stress to do that.
"he's still able to empathize properly with the shiki because he hasn't formed any negative impression on them in the first place", do you mean at the beginning when he sees Sunako, or throughout the story? Because if it's throughout the story, I'd say that he does have negative impressions of them. For instance, when he witnesses Tatsumi, Megumi, and the rest attack and kill Setsuko. This also brings up a very interesting question about him because on one hand, he values "life", so you'd think that he'd hate the Shiki for taking it away from the villagers. But this must also make him appreciate others valuing "life", so he could hardly be able to blame the Shiki for trying to preserve their own, if the only way to survive is by killing. It seems like those two opinions make him be on the fence about the Shiki, but it's Ozaki's behavior toward the Shiki that disturbs him, and then he's finally able to decide that the Shiki aren't so bad. Or maybe he decides that they're not as bad as the villagers. Perhaps he hates the village so much that it's like, "I don't care if the thing is bad, as long as it's not Sotoba."
I always wonder what's going on with Seishin's dad. I thought that throughout the story, he's kind of supposed to be like Seishin in that he's tired of his life at the temple and it doesn't really mean anything to him anymore. Or at least, that's the impression I got since he decided to get bitten--knowing that he'd have to kill other people in order to survive--rather than continuing to live on in pain. So I was thinking, perhaps Seishin and Shinmei are alike in that while Seishin's resentment of Sotoba is just an attitude, Shinmei's actually manifests as pain. Seishin is like Shinmei also in that he also can't move. He's confined to his position like his father is confined to his bed.
Yep, it's good to be able to share thoughts with and bounce ideas off other people! And speaking of goals, I think perhaps the reason that Seishin doesn't have one is because he doesn't want to think about the future--he can see nothing except life going on as it is, and he doesn't want to see that. Toshio sees life going on as is, and he likes that. Seishin sees life going on as is, and he hates it.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-03-21 09:13 pm (UTC)(link)Thanks! Though I think I'm as much as self-aware as I am self-centered, judging by the time I spend in my own head. Speaking of hobbies, I love dissecting myself as much as I love dissecting Seishin. I mentioned some replies back that people are smart in different fields -- and I'd like to think that I'm good at reading myself. One thing about me is that I can easily find out the reasons behind everything I do, even if it's instinctual. Whatever I'm feeling at the moment, I usually instantly know what it is and what causes it. Though I cannot say anything about what kind of a person I am according to external view -- that would be people other than me's prerogative. Actually, this is linked to one thing among many from Seishin that alarmed me -- for a person who I think resembles me greatly, who spends as much time introspecting as he does, it's kind of alarming to me that he's still so slow regarding himself. Or... at least that's how it seems to me, considering my often lacking focus when reading and all. If you ask me, even if it's true that I cannot always immediately put things into words, I'll still get the rough idea. Regarding Seishin though, I think it's either he's just not as good at it, or... he's created mind blocks. I think the latter is more likely; he has internalized phobia after all and I think he's been on self-preservation mode since long; He's afraid of facing his real self. It's also kind of weird to me that all his novels are about himself, which shows how much he actually knows, but is still slow at determining things? It seems now to me that he's got the rough ideas all along, but tends to prevent himself from organizing them into actual words and bury those ideas instead. It eventually leaks out though, through his writing. Probably he even thinks that writing about characters that don't share his name (even if they share his experiences?) means that he can analyze himself properly from third person POV so he gets to still keep certain distance and thus be safe? Does he even intend to write about himself in the first place even? Considering what he first wrote was the explanation of his suicide attempt (which turned out to be a novel-length letter of self-explosion), that's probably a yes. Deliberately or not, I think he's been dying to show the world his real self.
Also, I wonder if I'm one to talk. Seishin's novels include the knowledge about his self that has accumulated throughout the years, which formed him as he is. No one will be able to organize decades long pieces of knowledge into a single novel-length summary of 'who am I?' at that exact moment. I certainly cannot. It'll include a lot of processing and reprocessing, recalling (reprocessing again), and finding out the exact words to describe our experiences by researching/meeting new experiences. I mean that. At least, what I can immediately do is determining the main reason behind what I've just done. To be able to link it to other experiences/dig out other reasons that accompany the main reason/determine the complete philosophy behind it, I need a bit more time. Seishin wrote those novels himself though, so he definitely is capable even if it takes long. I don't know, but I think Seishin actually doesn't need 10+ years to determine the reason behind his suicide attempt. I believe he's capable of doing it for a shorter time than that. So I think he's just mostly reluctant and afraid.
That he can write a lot about himself shows about how much knowledge he has about himself. I think Seishin is a person who mainly learns from experience -- he sure can understand something logically or using his sympathy, but the only time he can 'fully' understand would be when he experiences it firsthand (This speaks true about myself as well -- I always fear that I don't understand something enough unless I've also experienced it, and I'll have the courage to call the knowledge 'valid' usually when I've also experienced it or witnessed it using my senses, so I could have the chance to properly identify it in my head.) I have noticed these two instances in the novel:
1) In the Seishin-seme chapter, he talks about how everyone thinks they're the center of the universe, though it seems to me that he's talking about himself (considering things).
2) In the chapter when Seishin and Toshio are talking about the vampires currently invading Sotoba, while referencing a lot to literature. It quickly turns into a talk about death and people's opinion about it. Seishin mentions about how people fear death and in turn looks at his own hands, that death will surely come to him too -- he's also talking about himself.
Note that Seishin manages to render Toshio speechless in these two chapters. I think it's because Toshio manages to catch something from Seishin, even if he doesn't know what it actually is.
That's actually a yes; that's why I often reread the novels. It gets even more difficult to focus if I'm reading something I have zero interest in. I actually struggled to read non-Toshio/Seishin chapters. Sunako chapters don't help things either. I read lots of manga growing up though -- I was first introduced to it even before I entered kindergarten. My Dad reads manhua himself even now, so I think that's why I was introduced to manga at such young age. Regarding Ghost Hunt; I looked it up a bit the other day and it surprised me to see that there was actually a bit of romantic indication among the protagonists? Like, I didn't know that 'Ono Fuyumi' and 'romance' could exist in the same work. Shiki doesn't have major romance. Nor does Twelve Kingdoms, Demon Child, and this other work of hers I've read. It's surreal.
Uhm... my method is messy and perhaps unreliable. I usually learn languages for recreational purpose only/just because I want to, not because someone tells me to, so I'm very casual about it. I'm still a beginner at Japanese in that I still don't know the best method to study it, so I'll tell you about my studying English first: since it's English, I was able to get the basics from classes, though books could do too. Basics would be my foundation to form a web of understanding, so if I can get a hang of it, the better. My main method is actually forming 'impressions' of what I read -- I guess you could call it 'making sense of it' but it's incredibly subjective. Rather than full logic, I use intuition/imagination instead. It's true that my impression will be weak if I only study it from one source of reading (I primarily learn languages by reading), so I read a lot to form better impressions and to just get used to the rules like grammars/idioms/etc. If I can get additional classes/books to instruct me about rules, the better, since my lacking focus often means that I don't fully understand the rules. I'm also very lazy to memorize vocabulary lol. I primarily learn English from fics/internet. I still learn even now, from you all and these translations, among many other sources. Internet is a dear friend -- even when I write replies, I often get unsure about grammar or the meaning of certain words or idioms, so I look them up. 90 percent of what I read/write daily is in English, so it's a good practice. I usually only use my native language to communicate with others or at my lectures. Even a lot of my medical literature is in English. If I don't understand, I'll just look it up on the internet. I still get lots of typos, but at least I can communicate with people. My listening is bad though, and speaking even more since I so rarely practice on them.
Japanese... now it's tricky, since it's not in Latin alphabet. I got the basic at high school, where I learned the alphabets, basic grammars and basic kanji, so it was a good start. I bought lots of books, but I don't always get the hang of the structure. My methods are the same though: making impressions of what I read, read a lot, form better impressions and get used to it. If I don't understand something, I look it up on the internet. It helps if I can get reading examples that include Japanese, Romaji, and the English translations so I can compare them all to form better impressions. It's incredibly messy. Fortunately, given my native tongue I can already pronounce correct Japanese. Listening is harder though for me.
Yay, thank you! 8D Yes, to be a general practitioner, it's mandatory to experience all medical fields during internship.
the thing about Will Graham is, as I grasped, he's spent too long inside the murderers' head (thanks to his job) that he ends up being influenced and becoming a murderer himself. And, ohhho, so that's called a mob mentality. New horizon for me! Is it tied in with empathy, or do they exist separately? I gathered that everyone has both abilities to an extent, but it kind of alarms me since sometimes I start to question where do 'I' actually exist when I'm in both modes. Or I believe I should question it anyway. But I think it shows that, first and foremost, human beings are created for self-preservation purpose before other things. Following your own moral values is good, but I think our body acknowledges that survival is much more important, and that it'll do anything to ensure that. Including following the system. Empathy is nice though actually, since it allows me to truly connect with people.
Ah, I used the instance from the novel. In the novel, he doesn't get to witness them directly, and is much too preoccupied with Setsuko having already died and Toshio being too angry and right, and that he really should get to actively defend the village in my opinion. I think he acknowledges that what the shiki do is bad, but as you said, his subconscious think that since they were doing it to Sotoba, he should spare them. He's also much too preoccupied with what he should do than properly demonizing the shiki. I think Seishin is mostly neutral towards the shiki, actually. Or, I don't think he has much time to think about the moral behind what they do, since he's too preoccupied with hiw own turmoil regarding the whole thing. Or I probably missed something too, so I should really reread again. About what Seishin values: I think what he values is 'self', meaning he values individuals. Usually individualists are like that -- they advocate individuals being themselves, and everything each individual has. Which includes life. He understands how an individual would want to preserve their own life, but given his bias, he sides more with the shiki than Sotoba. If he values individuals being themselves, he'll also feel the drive to be his own self as an individual. That means following what he himself wants. People who have high sense of self will usually feel guilty for not being themselves and live according to their own rules, even if it probably means that they could potentially harm others, and that for the better of their surroundings they should probably refrain from fully being themselves. It's painful -- if you follow yourself, you hurt others. But if you follow others, you hurt yourself. In Seishin's case here, following himself means doing things that don't align with Sotoba. Which would seem that he's siding with the shiki, but in truth it seems more that he's using the shiki to gain what he wants -- opposing Sotoba. The shiki is just his way out. Given his bias, his empathy will fully shift to them too. Regarding Toshio though... now I have a theory, but we haven't reached that point yet and since the novel differs considerably with the animanga, I should probably wait.
I agree with that. I think Shinmei is actually dedicated to Sotoba, unlike Seishin, it's just he cannot bear to live being disabled and confined to bed.
I also agree with this one. Actually, I don't think both these men know how to set goals on their own, according to what they want, since their fate was set the moment they were born -- but yeah, Toshio is mostly fine with that (except that he hates his family's way), and Seishin is just so not fine with that.
Re: 8D
Aw thanks, I love talking to you too! Well, people do say that you are who your friends are. Watch out, or you'll not only pick up on my good qualities, but also my bad ones, like...oh wait, I don't have any bad qualities. The college that I got accepted to isn't my first choice, but I'll be getting all of my decisions within the week! And it's spring break this upcoming week, which is both good and bad because while I can chill out and sleep in, I'll also be anxious about getting my college decisions.
Dissecting yourself is good, it's definitely not something that everyone can do! I don't think I've ever noticed myself doing that. I mean, like everyone I get self-conscious and sometimes when I made bad decisions I question myself about why I did that and try to figure it out, but that's more surface level stuff that a lot of people do. You're more like, analyzing even your basic actions trying to find out why you did them, right? I need to be more self aware like that, since most of the time I don't even know why I do half the crap I do. Future goals-wise, it's good to know your strengths and weaknesses, if only in the sense of maintaining a healthy frame of mind. If you know what you like and don't like, chances are you won't put yourself in a situation where you're unhappy doing what you're doing (we all have to do things we don't like sometimes, but this is more long-term, like if you did a career you didn't really want to do), and thus you'll be less stressed out and more happy overall with your life. A lot of people don't know themselves at all and end up doing that.
Yeah, I agree that Seishin is very good at being able to articulate the abstract into words, since all his essays are somewhat vague and confusing (nobody in the village seems to think they're anything but weird drabble, including Toshio who puts it out as reading material), but no doubt they make perfect sense to Seishin himself. A lot of people feel like they can't talk to anyone about their problems, so they take to writing. Personally, since I like writing fiction sometimes when I don't understand my feelings about something or someone, I write (short) stories about characters experiencing the same thing as me and that really helps me think about my own situation because to write the story, I have to think about what logically would come out of the kind of situation I'm writing about. It's easier to think logically about other people than about myself, so I guess really what I'm doing is my own version of your self-analysis? Anyway, it helps me organize my thoughts and it's sometimes a reality check like "hey, if you keep doing this, then that will happen". I bet Seishin gets somewhat of the same benefit from his writings.
So Seishin is definitely capable of putting his own thoughts into words. The essay about the village being surrounded by death and his story about the two brothers are all we see about his writing, but it's enough to know that he's really thought deeply about some things. I agree that he probably doesn't want to think about his suicide attempt because he doesn't want to face what he'll realize about it ("I did this because I wanted to leave the village so bad, but I can't leave, my whole life is here," and that would be even more depressing, perhaps inviting a second suicide attempt. But it all keeps coming back to his suicide attempt since the story about the brothers takes a turn that clearly reflects the suicide attempt, even if Seishin didn't intend it himself. Perhaps the reason why Seishin is so confident and active at the end of the series is because he finally confesses to Sunako why he slit his wrist, and kind of puts the pieces together for himself as well. So now he's not avoiding recognizing a part of himself, and now that he accepts himself he can do what HE wants to do, which is protect Sunako and live on.
Sometimes the fact that a character is speechless says more than words (about Toshio being rendered speechless). He usually has something to say, so him being out of character is kind of a big deal. And it's up to interpretation why he's speechless, since it can be for a variety of different reasons. It can mean that he's given up, he has nothing to say to Seishin because he thinks the difference is just so much (kind of when you don't feel like arguing with someone you disagree with because they're so far gone it wouldn't be any use). It can mean that he's angry, and he wants to say something but he doesn't want to because he cares about Seishin's feelings.
I'm so glad you started reading Ghost Hunt! I never read the manga, just watched the anime and read the (translated) novels, but the story itself is great, isn't it? I really like both Mai and Naru, and I like how Ono did the romance. It's there, and it's very consistent with both of their personalities; Naru's really closed off, but he still finds ways to show his affection, while Mai is more straightforward and I like how she doesn't angst about it. She's still very much her own person, not defined only by her crush on Naru. While the romance is there, I like how it doesn't attempt to be the main idea of the story at all. It's also surprising how different the characters are from the Shiki ones. How could the woman who wrote Seishin also write Ghost Hunt's monk?? Mind blown.
Your English is very good! It's impressive that you've managed to learn it above and beyond on your own time. I've never learned a language in my own time...let's see, I know three languages. My first language I grew up with, so no effort there. I quickly picked up English when I started school at age 5, so I know it just as well if not better than my first language. I've taken Spanish in school for 4 years now, so that was all guided lessons, but I've never done Spanish outside of school. It's hard for me to force myself to study anything on my own time if it's not out of necessity. If I had to learn Japanese because I was planning on visiting Japan, I would probably put more back into it. You must know Japanese pretty well! Are you able to read manga in original Japanese and stuff? It seems that everyone on here knows at least some Japanese...I better get my act together, lol. Maybe once I start learning more we can try having Japanese conversations and struggling through it together! ._./ 'Making impressions' makes a lot of sense, since that's what I do with Spanish. I think Spanish is pretty easy for me partly because I already knew two languages, and they're so different it seems silly to compare them to one another. A mistake that a lot of my classmates do is try to compare Spanish to English, or trying to make sense of Spanish by trying to find similarities to English, and it's a lot harder if you do that. It's easier just to accept that Spanish is different, and expecting a different language to be perfectly parallel to English is just going to make you more confused. That's why if you try to translate anything word by word, as you probably know since you know multiple languages, it rarely makes any sense, so you have to translate in chunks, and you have to get a feel for the language to be able to do that.
That's so interesting that your medical textbooks are in English. Does everyone have to know at least a little English to be able to learn where you're from, or is it just you that uses English supplementary materials?
Mob mentality is a little different from empathy, or I see it that way. Mob mentality is when a group of people are riled up by something, and those emotions bounce off each other, making everyone become focused on just that one thing. An example would be if some speaker speaking to a large audience is very charismatic, and is able to inspire anger in the crowd directed toward a specific target. The crowd starts shouting and protesting against the target. Even people who were kind of neutral on the issue join in on the shouting and protesting, and at that point everyone is so swayed that if the leader tells them to go burn down a house, they will collectively do so, like a mob. Nazi Germany was a good example of that, and Hitler was a good speaker, which is why a lot of the people supported him. If you're told you're better than other people, you'll easily believe it since that's what you want to hear. Empathy is more individual. It's being able to see things from a different person's perspective, or sympathize with them even if you don't share their views. For instance, if someone who's a Pro-Life advocate is talking to a woman who got an abortion, if she explains the reasons behind getting an abortion, the other person can feel sorry for her and kind of see her motivation for it, while still holding onto his beliefs. Like Hasegawa (that's the cafe Creole guy's name, right?), he's against the idea of the Shiki in general, but seeing the Shiki get burned up in the sun is too much for him, seeing how much pain they're in. So I guess empathy is more of a positive force, more like being open-minded rather than being so caught up an emotion you lose sight of everything else.
Yeah, it seems like Seishin is literally disgusted by the prospect of fitting into the system, or fitting in with the temple. I don't have that much to add except that I also feel like he doesn't like being a part of a larger group in general, like he sees the temple as a group of people who are all supposed to share beliefs and act a certain way. Seishin wants to be 'Seishin', not 'a temple priest'. What's the theory you have about Toshio that you mentioned?
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-03-30 01:53 pm (UTC)(link)That's probably it. And if you write it down, then you HAVE to face whatever it is. At least, I think you'll be more driven to do it since it's harder to run away than when it's in your head only -- I think Seishin's subconscious have actually been pushing at him to properly face himself through whatever means. I wonder if he wants to protect Sunako or be her guardian for the sake of protecting her though...
What I ultimately take from Toshio being speechless in both situations I mentioned is his thinking "There's something in Seishin, which will probably prove important, but I don't know what it is so I better shut up." They haven't clashed ways in those two chapters, so my take is that whatever Toshio feels that renders him speechless, it in a sense only involves Seishin and so doesn't include him in the picture -- like the thick fog that has been surrounding Seishin is gradually lifted, so it's in a sense an enlightenment but also not quite there, in my opinion.
Yeah, it's very good! 8D the manga was scary enough, I cannot imagine how the novels would be. I first became truly interested in it thanks to this Diamond no Ace fic I love, which includes the characters being psychic and naturally my mind just went to Ghost Hunt as a psychic genre title I know I could easily access. (I'm very much into Diamond no Ace at the moment -- I cry about this certain character everyday including how perfect his seiyuu is for voicing him. Toshio's seiyuu is actually in this anime too lol (different character).) I also like how Mai readily questions Naru whenever she's suspicious of his moral -- she might like him but she doesn't yield to him. I cringed whenever she leaped into things without thinking though, damn. Naru is a jerk most of the time but it's really sad that he ultimately thinks people will always choose Gene over him. Everyone is awesome, though my favorite is Yasuhara. My sister even got interested in Ghost Hunt, but horror has always been her thing, so.
Thank you! 8D Though speaking about it, 'out of necessity' is what I lack, actually. There's no way I can get this far if I'm not at least interested in it. The more I feel like being forced, unless I really believe that my life actually depends on it -- though I'm probably more casual about grades than you -- the more I'll rebel. I believe I actually know less about Japanese than what you actually think, lol. I'm currently reading Diamond no Ace manga, and there are many chapters of it currently not scanlated yet. Since they are only available in RAW (Japanese, sometimes Chinese) I have no choice but to go to it. Mostly I can only guess the main point of what's being said, though I'm probably often wrong about it. There are lots of kanji I still don't know, but I make the effort to understand every hiragana used as part of the grammar though I don't know if my understanding is right, lol. Given that it's a manga, I get many context clues from the drawing which makes things easier to grasp, though the baseball terminologies are hard to get. Speaking about vocabulary, it's my weakness in any language. When I read something, whenever I think I can manage to understand the context on my own I don't feel the need to properly look the words up, so my dictionary is often lacking. I think I'm more of a grammar person than vocabulary person, so. Aside from Japanese I learned some German in high school, but I wasn't as interested in it as I did Japanese even though I think German was somehow easier. Everything in my country from elementary school to high school is mandatory, so I had to part with Japanese even when I didn't want to, sobs.
The people here in my country are usually not very good at English (compared to some neighbor countries), but to be a medical student you're required to at least know a bit more compared to if you want to enroll in other faculties, except the ones that primarily use English, I think. My lecturers' powerpoint is usually in my native language, and there are lots of textbooks already translated -- but the real contexts are often lost in translation. My lecturers often advise us to read the English ones and I prefer it as well.
Ah, but that one refers to a part of the novel that would be spoiler-y. Besides, I'm not sure if I perceived that part right...
Re: 8D
Doing the right thing is hard because sometimes something is right for one person, but right for another. And then you run into problems like when someone asks if you think they're an idiot and you do but you don't want to be mean. Is it better to be honest or to be nice? I usually pick 'nice', but I also usually pick the 'right' thing that's rightest for me (If I don't call the person an idiot, then they won't hate me and start drama)...but then I feel kind of bad when I make a decision that's good for myself but worse for the people around me. I'm actually trying to make more decisions that benefit me more (rather than other people), because I sometimes notice that I make things harder for myself by trying to make things easier for other people. I guess that's also good in a way, but one does have to let oneself come first sometimes. So, you too, make sure you're taking care of yourself first and foremost - you're smart and unique and you've got a lot of people supporting you, you gotta treat yourself like it! It's good that your mindset makes you open-minded, but you can also try to, like, control the information coming in, if that makes sense. Even if you're not the most educated person on an issue, you can still formulate an opinion around it. After all, opinions aren't only supposed to be based off pure facts, but also those facts in the context of your opinion and feelings. When someone's trying to argue a point, it's rare that they end up sounding nonsensical. If they're trying to argue, they'll also try to twist the facts a little or present them so their argument seems logical. It's important to have your own opinion instead of taking it at face value.
I think Seishin actually wants to protect Sunako. I'm sure he's also using her because she's a way out of the village (whether he realizes this himself or not), and also she's made quite an impact on him since she helped him figure out his complicated relationship with himself and the village. Could he have figured it out himself, or got out of the village without her help? Probably. But she helped, and usually people remember really clearly the people who made a big impact on their lives like that, so even just because of that Seishin wants her alive...well, as alive as she can be. And since she's small and just a shiki whereas Seishin is a grown man jinrou, that makes him her protector by default.
The Ghost Hunt novels actually weren't too bad, I thought the anime was scarier! Somehow, when all the creepy things happened, actually seeing them animated made me feel as if I was there more than reading the novel did. And I mentioned before that the translation wasn't too consistent and had lots of grammar errors, so that also didn't help. Yasuhara's my favorite too. If I was Mai, I would have ditched Naru and started going after Yasuhara, although Yasuhara did give off a distinctive "playboy" vibe (in the anime, at least)? Unfortunately, the anime didn't get into the Naru and Gene stuff Dx The only thing they did was have Gene appear in Mai's dreams, and she doesn't think too much into it. Actually, she doesn't think too much into anything, but still... I've never seen Diamond no Ace, but it's a sports anime, right? I don't really watch those, but I watched both seasons of the Swimming Anime!
Manga's probably a very good way to learn Japanese though? From the raws I've seen, they usually have kanji but they also have the hiragana next to them that help you read it. And then you can actually look them up more easily in the dictionary by just using the hiragana. What really gets me whenever I study Japanese is the different readings for all the kanji. If only each kanji could just have its own reading, it would be so much easier to memorize! So while you were at school, you got a chance to learn some English, Japanese, and German? I'm jealous! I know a lot of foreign countries teach kids foreign languages from a young age...but not the United States. Which is counter-intuitive because the best time to learn a new language is when you're young. I only got a chance to start learning Spanish in my 9th year of school, which sucks. I'm pretty good at it, but I wish I could have started learning it earlier and become fluent in it by now.
Try me! (with the spoiler). I've already heard a bunch, might as well get this one too. Also I'm not a patient person.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-04-09 02:30 pm (UTC)(link)I think this plays a factor in how I often attempt to restrain myself in favor of external stuffs. We did talk about 'inner' and 'outer' a while back, internal and external. I think a healthy, accomplished self is a balance between internal and external. A 'self' that's purely internal or external isn't healthy. It isn't healthy when you put a lot more importance on one compared to the other, or if you attempt to restrain one in favor for the other too much. The reason I'm easily influenced by external stuffs (you can actually use the word 'malleable' here. I think I am lol) is because I constantly doubt myself, so in my mind I put more importance in external than internal despite how self-centered (internal) I am at the core. It's certainly a weakness, it's bad, but I could very well turn it into strength. The way I am now, aside from trying to control the information coming in, I can also use these external stuffs to strengthen my internal, to better it, given lots of introspection and evaluation. It's okay if I temporarily change, but I have to figure out why and what I should do about it, if it's good or bad.
Speaking about information, I'm one of those people who tend to bite more than I can chew, true. As far as I can remember, I have always tried to expose myself to everything there is when there's chance. It's in my nature, so it'll be hard to change...
That makes sense, actually, remembering his character. Though it's a bit unclear if this stays as big as a factor or not post-Shiki. Either way, I now think that Seishin will be stuck with Sunako for a long time, whether he'll come to still like Sunako as much or not. I'm now sort of afraid the whole ordeal with Sotoba will have to repeat itself? Just like how Sotoba was all Seishin knew which made it hard for him to leave it, Sunako will also logically be the same. His being a baby Jinrou and Sunako an adult Shiki. Seishin is one of those people who prefer sticking to routine even if that routine isn't all that good... since he knows intimately about that routine at least, which is better than jumping at things he knows nothing about. It's interesting because Seishin is a very independent person -- but at the same time he really is not considering his constantly needing the support system. I think he's bound to get pissed at himself for being like this. Sotoba used to be his support system. Now? It's Sunako. I'm afraid he'll repeat the same cycle as to when he was a villager. The difference is, it'll probably not take as long until he actually tears himself away from Sunako, with less angst and more plan, and this time he'll do it alone.
I don't think Yasuhara is a playboy, it's just he's able to play anything to help grant him what he wants. If he has some objectives in mind and he knows he'll be able to achieve them faster if he brings more people in, he'll bring people to his side through whatever means. The main gang is lucky he's on their side, lol. People like him are scary. He may not be psychic but hell, he's just as strong as the main gang. The manga didn't reveal much about Gene and Naru actually, except for bits like this like what Naru said to Mai for example: "Who do you actually like... Gene or me?" "You have two people with exact same faces, one has good personality and the other doesn't. Who will you choose? (in terms of being friends with)" That's very sad, since Naru probably wants to change and be a better person... but image does get stuck, and it's often hard to change that. I fear that he actually wants to change at least a bit but since he's been known as bad person, his subconscious pushes at him to stick to his image.
Diamond no Ace is about baseball! 8D I didn't think I'd come to like it this much actually, considering I'm not a sports fan in general and I prefer that what I read has fantasy quirks, but the characters have wonderful, interesting personalities and character development. I still don't understand baseball, but I think it's interesting. The protagonist is actually a typical shounen protagonist, with additional individual quirks, but I see a lot of strengths in him I sure want to have some: his determination, optimism, focus and mental strength. My favorite character is the second most important character, the one who's rather like Yasuhara in terms of being able to get under people's skin, but is actually not emotionally attached to anyone (except perhaps baseball), has little friends even if he does seem outgoing, and is overall told as having a nasty personality. He doesn't care though, as long as baseball stays interesting and he could help bring his team achieve their dream -- to go to Koushien. It's a difficult dream, that's why it's interesting. He's not actually controlling or territorial, but he enjoys being the mastermind in their plays the way I see it. He obeys his coach, sure, so in order to accomplish their coach/team's plan he helps directing his teammates.
I think manga is the best way for me to learn Japanese. At least, through animanga, I think we could learn informal speech pattern better. Books are still too formal. Yes, those are called furigana -- small hiragana or katakana next to kanji for reading aid -- but unfortunately seinen or josei manga don't have it. Likely because the publishers do expect that adult people who read them don't need it. I love the way kanji have multiple readings. It isn't to say that I'm good at memorizing them (I'm not), but it makes Japanese even more complex and interesting to me. Since I'm only learning it casually, my take on those kanji will be just like with English words -- slowly with time, getting used to them as I read along.
Ah no, no. Obviously we learned English since elementary school, but I only learned a bit of Japanese and German in high school. Our main priority is English, so. In middle school (and elementary school, actually) we learn regional/local language. My country has lots of it, since we are very diverse ethnically. We only learn one that's native to the area though, so it depends on where your school is located in.
Okay, so now with some spoiler. Please bear in mind that I could be wrong, but I'll do my best! (I checked in the online translator as well as trying to gauge it roughly myself. In my defense, it's super long...): You've probably known that in the novel there's longer conversation going on between Toshio and Seishin, unlike in the animanga. Seishin doesn't merely look angrily at Toshio and invites himself out. Seishin also isn't notably as angry, as proved by his willingness to hold a conversation and to listen to what Toshio says. Certainly, he ends up questioning what he's done. But here Toshio also ends up questioning Seishin's reasoning, of which the latter is confused about, so the conversation is overall so very them. It seems that Seishin is losing the argument too. What's interesting is, it's Toshio who tells him to 'get out since he has no time to listen to him', not because Seishin walks away on his own accord.
Re: 8D
Sorry for the late correspondence, first of all! Ah yeah, there's a time to be emotional and then times where it's best not to. For instance, I think it's good to let out positive emotions because it's a good outlet and it will rarely make other people upset to see you happy (if it does, they're not people you'd want to associate with, most likely). I think that also helps because it releases pent up energy, even if it's positive, and then maybe when you're feeling a bit more negative you won't be so pressured to lash out. If I lashed out every time I was annoyed with someone, I would have no friends and I'm sure a majority of people will say the same. Bottom line, I don't think strong emotions are necessarily bad. It's only harmful to act like you don't have any, you just need to be able to channel them in a more positive way. But being out in the world does a lot with that, like with your upcoming internship, there'll probably be lots of situations that require you to be patient, disciplined, attentive, and that experience will help you do even better with that. The job I currently have has nothing to do with my career goals, but it's certainly helped me grow as a person. Good luck with that internship, by the way! When do you start it?
Try not to think of it as being indecisive, but of being cautious. When wrestling with a tough decision, it's good to give each possible point a careful situation in order to arrive at the best conclusion. Even if the situation isn't what you would call tough, don't sweat it anyway, because all that matters is if it's tough for you. You're right, it is something easily turned into a strength (even though I think caution is a strength in itself), so a way you can do that is try to follow each indecision with a decision, and then stick to it and follow through as best you can.
I always thought of post-Shiki Seishin as being more independent, not relying on a support system. The way he is in Shiki, he wants to get out and live life according to how he wants to, but the part of him that ties him down to Sotoba doesn't let him. Going along with the metaphor of being tied down, that same part of him is supported by Sotoba. Without that small part of him, he would probably be gone from Sotoba, since he doesn't need it and doesn't want to be associated with it. Throughout the novel, that part of him that ties him down to Sotoba is chafed bit by bit. (I imagine it as being something like seeing the cowardice of the villagers in failing to accept the Shikis' existence and thinking, 'this isn't the Sotoba worth staying for', and then the final push is seeing Toshio's resolve and thinking, 'I'm nothing like this. It was stupid to think that I'm connected to Sotoba, I have nothing keeping me here') After that small part of him is gone, that part of him that needed a support system, all that's left is a Seishin who does what he wants and is free to interact with the world as he sees fit. He's around Sunako because he wants to be (and a sense of loyalty), but he feels like a complete person without her too.
One of the reasons I really like Ghost Hunt is because it mixes ghosts with modern technology and logic. There's all these ghosts, and then the gang interacts with them without using any special powers (on the surface). My favorite characters were the ones that were badass without having some sort of mystical or religious power, so Yasuhara, Mai, and Naru. Yasuhara is probably the straightest example since he doesn't develop any psychic powers (in the anime at least?), but although Mai and Naru have some sort of power, they're not on par with the monk, the miko, and the priest. Mai is more like that, but Naru is also awesome because he knows he can't rely on his PK 100%, so whenever possible he uses his other abilities for taking on work that even the mystical members of the gang are unable to tackle.
Ohh, I don't understand baseball very well! It's popular at school and I played it during gym class, but I never liked it. Most of it is waiting rather than playing the sport: waiting for it to be your turn to bat, or waiting for the ball to fly towards you in the outfield. But even so, anime is great for making even the dullest sports seem interesting, and that's true that it's the characters who really end up making or breaking a series most of the time. Are you going to watch more sports anime now that you liked this one so much?
We must be pretty close to that part right about now, right? I'm really interested in Toshio in that scene, but I'll probably hold off on analyzing it too much before I read the chapter. I'm intrigued that it's an intentional OOC moment for him, since he just went through an ordeal that is, even for him, traumatic, so he won't be like his usual self. I imagine that he'd either be a mess of emotions, in no mood to deal with Seishin, or worn out from having all that stress with Kyoko and just doesn't care anymore/is empty. The anime makes it look like the second is more likely.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-04-22 07:59 pm (UTC)(link)The way I see Seishin, based on the latest chapter I think he places importance in order more than the content of the system itself. While it's true that content is important to him whether he realizes it or not (if it aligns with his views or not, etc), his being an idealist and all, the latest chapter confirmed that his real/bigger desire is to be included within the order/system, to be its real member. Problems arise because he's ill suited for it as he's essentially 'different' (the content part of things, I assume it's primarily because he cannot believe in the same God the villagers do). In the chapter he doesn't show real desire to stay true as himself, instead he despairs over it. It shows that he doesn't want to stay true as himself IF it means getting excluded from the orderly ways of system. The chapter confirmed him as placing more importance on order, security, safety (something system can give a person) than real independence or authenticity. This is why it takes him 33 years to tear himself away from Sotoba, and it's not even until a major disaster happens. This is why he tries so hard to blend in even at the cost of throwing/repressing his genuine self to the side. That's how dependent he is upon the system. Frankly, I think this is his essential character and thus isn't something he'll be able to change easily. He's perhaps no longer part of Sotoba's system, but I think he'll instinctively search for another system to support and back him up. If not outright system, it'll be people. If it's people, logically it'll be people he deems bigger than him, either by influence, authority, abilities, experience, or knowledge. Since only things bigger than him can give him semblance of order. All in all, Seishin will be happiest following a system that also accepts his genuine self and allows him to grow as he wants to.
It's little wonder why Seishin is the kind of person who yields to orders, even if he perhaps doesn't actually understand the basis of those orders himself (see Tsuhara, who told him to edit his manuscripts out of the blue back then when he didn't even intend to be an author and he just went along with him. He also just went along when Tsuhara said he was gonna publish whatever he'd been writing). If someone is able to give orders, that would mean they know whatever they are doing. They already have certain structure and order laid out inside their head and people like Seishin who prefer to seek out order from their surroundings will likely go along with it, well, aside from not wanting to cause conflicts by refusing. At the very least, Tsuhara didn't directly violate his moral values (because then it'd be another story since at the very least Seishin would try to resist even if only from the inside). That's why he obeys Tatsumi when he asks him to protect Sunako, I think. He's already too far gone, the villagers already know of his betrayal and Seishin prefers being around the Shiki anyway. The Shiki has already given him a semblance of order in the first place. Tatsumi lays out a rough plan and Seishin just goes along, filling in the rest. Sunako. Lol, she's very influential, authoritative, and charming she'd get under his skin in no time (and she does). What more, she's willing to accept his genuine self and gives him a way out of his problems. She lays out solutions for him -- in some way, a semblance of order? It's already established that he's able to assert himself also because she prompts him to. She's like his support and guide. In his novel, the little brother is also someone influential in the community that the older brother uses as his bridge to communicate with the world. Seishin is definitely attracted to people 'bigger than him'. Toshio too. The thing is, Seishin is dependent on system and he also loves it when people guide him through it, especially if he encounters difficulties when wading through. System? Cool. I want it. Also, please teach me how.
Seishin 'accepting' how system works doesn't mean he's not disheartened by its flaws though, even if he doesn't voice it out because THAT'S HOW THINGS WORK. It's dangerous because that way he doesn't exactly have any outlet, except perhaps writing. Well, those negative feelings pile up, until he reaches a point where his being disheartened caused by those differences (which contributes in his wanting to follow himself instead, besides already having that instinct too in the first place) directly collide with his desire to blend in with the system (notice the parallel with his and Toshio's relationship? That's why Toshio is a direct representation of the whole Sotoba system) like a scale that weighs the same on both sides. Eventually, his desire to follow himself weighs more. Still, if he's only left to his own he'd not be able to do anything about it and shuts himself down instead in sheer frustration. To be able to assert himself, he needs outside forces/supports. Basically to do anything at all he needs outside supports.
It's interesting to note that Seishin is apparently most disheartened by the fact that he and the system cannot merge, and that he didn't actually think of fully following himself without the system at all (in frustration or whatever) if not for the system already rejecting him. It takes the system first. Which means that, if the system can accept him as he is he'd not leave it, ever. If Toshio is the representation of system, then this parallels with their relationship. Well. Is this why some people see him as having a thing for Toshio?
With all these Shiki ordeal, I think the main point of Seishin's arc will be Seishin truly realizing that since he's not included within the system in the first place, he truly has nothing to do with it and the system has nothing to do with him too, based on his speech to Sunako. It's more about real detachment and nihilism than merely disagreeing with Sotoba. From the looks of it, it's also a gloomy, despair kind of realization. He doesn't feel happy being excluded from the system, but it's the way things are -- and holding onto things that aren't his right is useless.
Yasuhara also doesn't develop any psychic power in the manga, so I'm going to assume he's really intended as ordinary person. Speaking about sports anime, I'm not much into them and I don't think this will change much in the future, but I've been into Slam Dunk, Kuroko no Basuke, Prince of Tennis, Yowamushi Pedal and Diamond no Ace. What I like from Slam Dunk and Diamond no Ace is they still manage to be realistic. Prince of Tennis and Kuroko no Basuke are basically pseudo-fantasy/supernatural and it kind of makes me go 'eehhhh' since to me if it's about real life sports then they have to obey physics. I haven't watched all of YowaPeda so I can't exactly tell. I couldn't exactly go into Eyeshield 21, stopped reading Haikyuu!! after a few chapters (because I was lazy), but the only sport animanga I cannot get into no matter what is probably football/soccer. I'm intrigued by sports with complex rules and gameplay, and to me baseball is. I love that there are multiple roles in baseball, both teams take turns playing offense and defense, the design of the gameplay. The signing! The battery! I'm looking it up now and only just now realized why it's called DIAMOND no Ace lol. Is Free! included as sports anime? It probably is but it's mainly about fanservices lol. Swimming doesn't interest me in general too, theory-wise.
Or it's perhaps because it's come to Toshio that their differences are at the point of irreconcilable.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-04-22 09:01 pm (UTC)(link)I'm sorry, I'm probably only walking in circles...
Re: 8D
I haven't heard that we have anything like clerkship here, but it sounds like some sort of training, so that's good! There's all kinds of training we have to do to become doctors...but I'm thinking that's good, since even though I would like to be able to become a doctor in just 4 years or so, I wouldn't like to be treated by someone who has only been training for 4 years. Good luck on that scholarly paper! Is that like a thesis?
I think the content of the system is still important to Seishin, because it really holds him back the most out of anything I can think of right now. For instance, his faith, the temple, is a big part of Sotoba, Seishin's life, and the system. I'd argue that it's his position as the Junior Monk that keeps him stuck in Sotoba most of all. We can't even say that he's only there for the sake of being in the system, because that would be illogical for any person. What I mean is that his religion has played a big role in his life, and it's hard not to have that leave an imprint on you. Even if someone with a religious background grows up an atheist, religion is still going to shape you at the very least because you have memories of religion shaping your life. Especially in a town like Sotoba which encourages religion, it would be hard to go against it--not that Seishin does. I also find it interesting that Seishin, while rebelling against his faith, isn't rebelling by rejecting it altogether, but subscribing himself to a different faith.
Even Ozaki, who isn't very pious or devout, still has his Buddhist altar and probably also has Buddhist traditions that play a part of his life even if they're not explicitly mentioned in the text. Perhaps it's easier to see the extent of religion's influence on the village by looking at citizens who are not as affiliated with the temple. The actual clergymen will mostly always be religious, no surprise there, but it makes a big difference if the clergymen have a lot of power, through faith, in the surrounding community or not.
So as much as Seishin is an independent thinker and wants to believe in his own kind of God, the religion he grows up with is obviously going to be a big influence, and to be religious requires a strong faith and personal devotion--and I think that that kind of connection is more lasting and harder to break away from than just duty. If Seishin was only stuck to his temple life because of his duties there, it would be easier for him to break away and get a job somewhere else. But he's also tied to his religion--perhaps he feels that by leaving, he'll lose a grasp on the religion he grew up with, even if deep down he has a different faith (I could probably be more specific with this if I was more familiar with Buddhism). So perhaps that's why when he becomes a vampire, Seishin finds it easier to break away, because now he doesn't believe that his faith applies to him. This also makes him a foil to Sunako because Sunako absolutely still considers herself part of God's world, still in position to be judged by Him. This, the idea that faith doesn't apply to Seishin or Sunako, is exactly the point that he makes to her in the end.
The second content that I can think of that binds Seishin to Sotoba is Ozaki. Friends root you to places very well--just looking at Natsuno, the main reason he was able to connect with the village at all was because of Tohru, and then later Akira and Kaori. And they were kids that he knew for only a year or so--whereas Seishin has been hanging around Ozaki for years. Even if Seishin doesn't care about Ozaki that much, Ozaki remains a symbol to Seishin of his past, and also is a very active figure in his life that keeps Seishin in the 'real world', as it were. While Seishin would have perhaps been more passive about the shiki situation, Ozaki goes out and forces him to stalk vampires with him at night, and proposes the idea of fighting them. He introduces urgency to Seishin's life that perhaps makes him uncomfortable.
And that all ties in with Seishin not being included in the system if you think of him as not being a content inside of the system as well. I imagine it as the system being a net, with each component of it being a knot. The knots are all part of the system, working together, fixed inside it, and Seishin is a ball that's rolling around in the net, close to the parts of the system but not a part of it himself even though he's so close. And the fact that he, as a ball, is the only mobile part of the system, shows how much the system changes him and how much he responds to it or even contemplates it. The other 'knots' are just THERE. They don't get manipulated so much by the system so much as just help it work the way it always has. And of course Seishin wants to get out, deep down, if he' does see the system as a net he must escape.
I usually watch series for the characters--I liked all parts of Free! except for the actual sports parts, lol. I'm just not into watching sports...like a lot of places have everyone hyped up for soccer or the World Cup or something like that, but I just don't like watching something I can't be a part of, I suppose. I love tennis, but I don't watch matches on TV.
I think the best way, maybe the only way, you can tell if you're compatible with a person is by having a serious discussion with them rather than superficial. Something that really matters, with immediate importance and real consequence, like the epidemic going around. It's putting both Seishin and Ozaki on edge because it's so urgent, and it's unlike anything they've seen before so tensions run high. It's easy to bond over superficial stuff, but there's really no way to be superficial when faced with an event like this one, is there? You can't put up polite pretenses or putting your 'best face forward' like we talked about earlier because what's actually going on is more important than seeming agreeable. Seishin thinks that Ozaki is being immoral, and Ozaki thinks that Seishin isn't being proactive enough. It's interesting to think about, how even someone you've gotten along with well for years can actually be an incompatible person to you and that can be revealed through going through a tough, serious situation.
Re: 8D
(Anonymous) 2015-04-28 10:11 pm (UTC)(link)Yes, I agree that religion is important to Seishin. Very important, in fact, that he's unable to see things beyond it. I think to him system is basically how the world -- the whole universe, I'd say -- works, and since he's been exposed to an organized religion his whole life, this religion becomes the system to him. It has God as the highest authority, the one who governs; the followers as the citizens; the area God governs (Sotoba); and the laws. What Seishin wants is to be a part of all these. Unfortunately, he's essentially different in that he's not to be acknowledged in order to be accepted or denied, according to him. I figure it's because he, as his genuine self, isn't an existence to be included within its laws so much to be recognized -- like perhaps say, a Holy Book. If something isn't included in it, it will not have any rules constricting it. That way, you'll not be able to judge it in order to accept it or give it punishment. Seishin sees this as being isolated -- because no one will ever acknowledge his genuine self. He can only be a part of the system when he plays as 'little brother' or his monk persona, but it's eating at him because that's not his genuine self.
I think this is why he looks 'uncertain' to some degree? Like, he's neither fully here nor there in terms of belief. I think as his genuine self he doesn't share the faith Sotoba has, that he has his own ideas about how God is supposed to be like, but you're right in that his being exposed to Buddhism all his life will shape that. All the more because he's honestly trying to actually be a real believer -- or, he probably 'plays' a believer so that he can still be within the order. I view the word 'order' the recent chapters use as 'system' in general; faith, God, world, universe, so on. Other readers perhaps see it differently.
So yeah, I think it takes him being turned into a Jinrou -- being a being that's not human being -- to truly realize that since he's not a human anymore, he's no longer a part of the human system. As a person with lifelong religious influences, I think he'll see it as being excluded from God's system/jurisdiction. God's followers are human beings, forming a human system ruled by God's laws. So what happens when you're not a human anymore? The thing is, from the start Seishin already feels not a 'human being', in my opinion. At least, not one who acts or thinks like other human beings do.
I'm also like that actually lol (watching sports anime for the characters' sake only) but baseball quite intrigues me that perhaps when I got to rereading Diamond no Ace I'd take the trouble to learn about its games.
I guess what I like from them is, even if they aren't exactly compatible they do actually try to make things work together all these years (Seishin does it by adapting to Toshio except when he does things Seishin just has to confront him about and by trying to sympathize with where he comes from, Toshio by accepting Seishin as he is, leaving him to his own devices except when he has to confront him about his certain skewed ideas, and by hiding certain things from him, lol sure). There's a limit to this though, sure. What I like from them also is, that their incompatibility doesn't make them dislike one another. They don't think they can work from technical angle, but their feelings are definitely still with the other. I think this is a great deal.
Re: 8D
I've heard thesis used for undergraduates, graduates, and doctoral candidates. For undergraduates, we call it an 'undergraduate thesis', for graduates it's just a thesis, and for doctoral candidates you can say either thesis or dissertation, with 'thesis' being more informal.
I agree with your analysis about Seishin's religion. I think it's interesting, and says a lot about Seishin in general also, how he doesn't really force himself to break the system like he always wanted. Seishin always needs a slight push to get things done, and in this case the push is him becoming a jinrou. Once he's a jinrou, he knows he really has no choice but to get out of the system, so he stops considering himself a part of it. This is what he's wanted all along so that's a bonus, but the fact is that Seishin tends to be shaped by what happens to him rather than making things happen. He lets the Sotoba system control him and force him into trying to meld himself into the system, and then later he lets his new identity as a jinrou provide a convenient excuse for him to leave the system. It's not a bad thing necessarily, but it shows him as a much different person than he would be if he had quit the system on his own prior to becoming a jinrou.
I wonder how much his influences with Buddhism led him to take the actions he did throughout the novel--just straight Buddhism, without interacting with the system. Again, I could be more thorough if I knew more about that faith, but I do know that Buddhism preaches peace (most religions do). And Seishin, being used to valuing life so much (even more so perhaps after performing the funeral ceremonies), finds that he can't fight the Shiki because it goes against everything he has been taught; it just goes against the moral code that his religion has ingrained in him. I think Buddhism influences that more than Seishin's own inner religion because he never really mentions, in his essays or monologues, that his God values life (not to say that his God doesn't value life, Seishin just doesn't MENTION it, so it stands out less). Ozaki's not as influenced, so that (along with just being that kind of person) lets him fight the Shiki without such qualms.
Do you get any opportunities to play baseball where you're from? You should try it out if you do! If you like watching it, chances are you'll love being a part of it even better. Do you follow live-action baseball too now because of your experience with Diamond no Ace?
It takes a very mature person to be able to accept someone's opinions if those opinions are the polar opposite of your own. And doing so is also a sign that you care about that person a lot....hey, isn't that proof that Seishin cares about Toshio/ isn't indifferent toward him like we discussed earlier?