At this point, considering how dire the situations are of course it's less about a matter of commitment and more about practicality. It's perhaps my wishful thinking, but I sincerely think there's some commitment and dedication. Granted, the fact that they are able to feel like that in the first place is hugely influenced by their positions, similar backgrounds and lifelong relationship. I guess it's quite enough for me, it doesn't make them love the other any less. Real passion is there and I really like that. Weirdly, I seem to be able to especially grasp this 'real passion' aspect from Toshio's end--- Seishin's so detached from people around him that I don't think he's formed any deep emotional bond with anyone, not even Sunako. He doesn't really discriminate between people. I think whenever he sees people he just see people and not for who they specifically are. (flashback to Seishin-seme chapter) Regarding Sunako, I'm entertaining this idea that he actually only see her as symbolizing his freedom (or assertion, or something that truly defines a part of him he's been struggling with and thus enables him to truly separate from system. Or other things)? She's only a certain symbolism to him first and foremost and I'm also entertaining the idea that like she does him, he also sees her as 'an extension of his self' because they so strongly identify with one another. The point is, when he sees Sunako he probably doesn't really see her as an individual. So... to Seishin Sunako factor is actually just a me factor.
While I think to Seishin, Toshio is more of 'an individual' than other people but given that he's a person of symbolism, he perhaps has associated him with something else, namely Sotoba itself. We discussed way earlier about whether Seishin hated Toshio or not... and probably, going with this idea his hatred for Sotoba probably bleeds onto his feelings for Toshio. He's always been in a love-hate relationship with Sotoba, something he's been struggling to understand, and I think his relationship with Toshio could reflect that. This is still quite unsupported given I've probably forgotten some key elements and we just haven't got to this part yet--- but I think to him in the end it's less about 'Toshio or Sunako?' and more about 'Sotoba or me?'
Granted, I could probably be wrong since even if it's true that he's a person who has his characters as representing symbolism, he doesn't exactly do it in real life. (the chapter says something about 'people in reality don't have meaning' and I had to cringe because I was pretty unsure whether he was being literal or not (or it could be a mix of both). I forgot which chapter though..) I just think that his fantasy habits could bleed onto how he sees things in real life, even without him recognizing.
While for Toshio, I think he thinks about Seishin more as an individual and his friend (than in seeing him as fellow pillar, or duty-bound), as shown in how often Seishin's name specifically (or things to be specifically associated with him) floats onto his mind. His affection for Seishin is specifically for him as a person, his emotional turmoil regarding him is specifically in regards to him as a person. I could probably be wrong, still.
Even now I'm still not sure about what I actually seek from this pair. I feel that I want some romance aspect, but the moment it dominates their relationship or they become exclusively romantic (that romance is everything there is in their relationship) I'm sure I'll get bored. I can enjoy romance in the surface but deep down I'm meh about it, so to me they're probably enough just the way they are... I'm probably drawn to their partnership (and all the angst) first and foremost. Or I'm probably just seeking some pleasure from all the desperation and anticipation.
8D
While I think to Seishin, Toshio is more of 'an individual' than other people but given that he's a person of symbolism, he perhaps has associated him with something else, namely Sotoba itself. We discussed way earlier about whether Seishin hated Toshio or not... and probably, going with this idea his hatred for Sotoba probably bleeds onto his feelings for Toshio. He's always been in a love-hate relationship with Sotoba, something he's been struggling to understand, and I think his relationship with Toshio could reflect that. This is still quite unsupported given I've probably forgotten some key elements and we just haven't got to this part yet--- but I think to him in the end it's less about 'Toshio or Sunako?' and more about 'Sotoba or me?'
Granted, I could probably be wrong since even if it's true that he's a person who has his characters as representing symbolism, he doesn't exactly do it in real life. (the chapter says something about 'people in reality don't have meaning' and I had to cringe because I was pretty unsure whether he was being literal or not (or it could be a mix of both). I forgot which chapter though..) I just think that his fantasy habits could bleed onto how he sees things in real life, even without him recognizing.
While for Toshio, I think he thinks about Seishin more as an individual and his friend (than in seeing him as fellow pillar, or duty-bound), as shown in how often Seishin's name specifically (or things to be specifically associated with him) floats onto his mind. His affection for Seishin is specifically for him as a person, his emotional turmoil regarding him is specifically in regards to him as a person. I could probably be wrong, still.
Even now I'm still not sure about what I actually seek from this pair. I feel that I want some romance aspect, but the moment it dominates their relationship or they become exclusively romantic (that romance is everything there is in their relationship) I'm sure I'll get bored. I can enjoy romance in the surface but deep down I'm meh about it, so to me they're probably enough just the way they are... I'm probably drawn to their partnership (and all the angst) first and foremost. Or I'm probably just seeking some pleasure from all the desperation and anticipation.