Sinnesspiel (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sinnesspiel) wrote2013-11-06 03:05 pm
sinnesspiel) wrote2013-11-06 03:05 pm
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Shiki Novel Translations 7.6
6
Spreading out a fresh sheet of Japanese writing paper over the desk, Seishin hunched his upper body forward slightly over it. The chair that had been used since his grandfather's time let out a creak like a sigh into the still of the night. With a spaced out stare up to the aging grains of wood on the ceiling, his vacant attentions lingered on the past, cornered by a single word.
----What the hell happened?
(Nothing...)
---Mind if I ask why?
(There wasn't any reason or anything.)
He played with his pencil in his hand as he thought.
The hard lead was sharpened to a fine tip like the point of a sword.
When he had first started writing novels, for some reason or another he had it in his mind that he should write in pen, so he made use of a fountain pen that he never did get used to. That summer, fearing the way the ink smeared, he switched to pencil. His dorm room was so hot that the air trapped between the Japanese writing paper and his left hand warped under the heat.. Just leaning forward caused the sweat to pour endlessly, the ink becoming brown and blue halos.
The reason he had used slim, hard leaded pencils for each short story was because it no matter what the grit of the pencil would end up littering the paper. He tried a different hardness of the lead, a different maker, and about the time he had found his present model, an upperclassman who had graduated had come by the dorms to hang out. Tsuhara who had entered the publishing industry took Seishin's manuscript with him, then returned with orders for him to rewrite it. How many times did he fix it, as told? After some count of times, Tsuhara took the manuscript with him and, that night, there was a phone call. We're printing it, he was told, and he remembered not having any idea what he was talking about.
---Weren't you writing looking to go pro?
Remembering that conversation, even now a wry smile leaked out. It wasn't as if he'd by any means particularly thought about becoming an author.
---Then, why did you fix every little thing every time I told you to!
Becauset he was told it would be better to fix it; and the next time Tsuhara came by he would ask "Did you fix it?" and so for no other reason he showed it to him.
---You are a real piece of work.
Tsuhara's voice overlapped with the dorm adviser Muramatsu's.
---It's you we're talking about, how can you not know?
(Even now I still don't.)
As if mesmerized, Seishin stared at his left hand atop the writing paper. The cheap, boorish model of wristwatch. The reason he had started wearing it was, of course, to cover the scar that was there. Now there was nothing more to see of that scar than a white line but still, if he took off his wristwatch, he himself was suddenly taken aback by what a scar it was.
---There's no way you were drunk, is there? I heard you basically never drank.
(Indeed, I have no memory of drinking.)
---If it's hard to say, a letter or anything will be fine.
The first composition he wrote, intending to sound out his own heart, somewhere along the line became chaos, skipping from point to point, repeating itself. When he'd turned it in to Muramatsu, he appeared to be deeply, sincerely annoyed.
---I don't have any idea what you're trying to say. Isn't this a novel?
Looking at it again having been told that, it did indeed resemble a novel. The next time, he wrote from the beginning with the intent to write a novel. For Seishin who didn't particularly have anything like a hobby, it became the closest thing he had to one.
Why. Why, this of all things?
Why would you consent to sin thusly?
In truth, no matter how he thought about it, Seishin couldn't think of anything that had happened for him to wish death on himself. He wasn't particularly unhappy, nor did he by any means have any particular self loathing. Because he knew that a person would not die from cutting their wrists, it was unlikely that he really wanted to die.Seishin had a feeling that at that time for himself the meaning was not in the result but in doing the act itself. It was not that he wanted to die, he didn't think it was anything other than wanting to try dying, but the origin of that impulse was one he didn't understand well even now.
Beneath the wristwatch, while hidden the scar was still evident. Everyone in the village knew about it. That was why they pretended not to see, and before Seishin knew it he was used to it. Just when, he thought, did it feel like something that people couldn't see?
(....It was not jealousy.)
Seishin gripped his pencil.
He was still possessed by something. The sudden murderous intent took him unexpectedly.
(No) Seishin murmured. He had just wanted to try it. With no murderous intent, he killed his little brother. (.... It's better this way.)
The hallway confined within grey stone was empty, dusk and dawn alike basking in its widths. The dark, dull grey pile up had no decoration aside from a glass window very high up in one corner, light shining down through it diagonally.
The light, donning a melancholy hue, glistened on the white linen cloth. Spread out above the cold stone paving, the reason for the rises and falls drawn by the white sheet was was that beneath it were laid out his little brother's remains.
He and the sage, with his little brother's remains interposed betwixt them, had a confrontation. And yet even so, he could not pry his eyes from the dull light of the linen cloth, and because of that very light shining down, he, in the dimmer still light, had the sensation of a singularly abandoned orphan.
----Why would thou commit such a sin?
The sage had been asking him such through dusk. And yet even so, he could not answer. If you wish to know why it was because him himself did not know the reason that he had killed his little brother.
He was the one who wanted to ask why.
His single blood relative, gentle and with a profound kindness, like an incarnation of splendor itself was his brethern. He did, in reality, love his brother, and liked living together with his little brother. As to why he had to kill his little brother, he had no sort of reason at all. Yet nevertheless, he took up arms against his brother.
It was an impulse of an attack. Surely, there was no murderous intent towards his brother. Yet raising a weapon against his brother certainly did bring about his brother's death as a result.
That little brother became a Shiki and trailed him across the wasteland. His futile stare seemed always to be asking, always, why? Had he a clear reason for murderous intent, if he'd had any grounds on which to criticize his brother, or had it been self defense, he would have to please forgiveness and yet, he had none of them and he could not. He could do not but hate that fleeting impulse, not but grieve that its result was his little brother's death. ----That wasn't its intention.
I definitely never hated you.
It wasn't like I'd wanted you to die. There wasn't anything I wanted to get revenge for or make you realize.
Forgive me, into the dawn he moaned, taking to his knees upon the cold wastelands. His brother's answer, of course, did not come.
Seeking a gust of wind into which he could fathom an auditory hallucination, he at last fell to sleep.
The light, donning a melancholy hue, glistened on the white linen cloth. Spread out above the cold stone paving, the reason for the rises and falls drawn by the white sheet was was that beneath it were laid out his little brother's remains.
He and the sage, with his little brother's remains interposed betwixt them, had a confrontation. And yet even so, he could not pry his eyes from the dull light of the linen cloth, and because of that very light shining down, he, in the dimmer still light, had the sensation of a singularly abandoned orphan.
----Why would thou commit such a sin?
The sage had been asking him such through dusk. And yet even so, he could not answer. If you wish to know why it was because him himself did not know the reason that he had killed his little brother.
He was the one who wanted to ask why.
His single blood relative, gentle and with a profound kindness, like an incarnation of splendor itself was his brethern. He did, in reality, love his brother, and liked living together with his little brother. As to why he had to kill his little brother, he had no sort of reason at all. Yet nevertheless, he took up arms against his brother.
It was an impulse of an attack. Surely, there was no murderous intent towards his brother. Yet raising a weapon against his brother certainly did bring about his brother's death as a result.
That little brother became a Shiki and trailed him across the wasteland. His futile stare seemed always to be asking, always, why? Had he a clear reason for murderous intent, if he'd had any grounds on which to criticize his brother, or had it been self defense, he would have to please forgiveness and yet, he had none of them and he could not. He could do not but hate that fleeting impulse, not but grieve that its result was his little brother's death. ----That wasn't its intention.
I definitely never hated you.
It wasn't like I'd wanted you to die. There wasn't anything I wanted to get revenge for or make you realize.
Forgive me, into the dawn he moaned, taking to his knees upon the cold wastelands. His brother's answer, of course, did not come.
Seeking a gust of wind into which he could fathom an auditory hallucination, he at last fell to sleep.
...Sadly, no.
How do you think he squares that as a child, with the obvious expectations of society on a good boy and with Ozaki's expectations for him to tag along in an act that would defy that expected good behavior?
Are they just not interested or...? They don't know what they're missing.
But Seishin probably knows that staying up all night writing is hard on himself. He's like "yeah, morning will be hell...but this is the only time to do what I like to do, so I'm going to use it."
It's easy to see him as a sympathetic character who has all these expectations forced onto him, though, but he can always own his role, so to speak. I mean, an ideal doctor would also be...not Toshio-like, but Toshio manages to perform his duties while still being his spirited self. I don't see why it would hurt Seishin to mold himself sometimes instead of letting the rest of the village do it for him. But then again, if he's been having decisions made for him since a young age...Oh man, I could muse about him forever!
Hah, maybe that's another reason why he tags along with Toshio; he gives him an opportunity to be more, well, normal. Even if Toshio to him is as bad as we can perceive him to be (invasive, uncaring, domineering), through him Seishin can live a little.
It's looooong and there are just so many culture notes is what I figure.
Perhaps part of why I have a difficult time understanding Seishin is, as you said, not seeing why it would hurt Seishin to mold himself to a greater degree. I don't have a grasp on what, precisely, he wants to do, besides be himself, but his 'self' is so loosely defined. I look forward to the Shinmei chapters being translated in more detail (if I get too tempted and do such key scenes without working up to them, I'll lose motivation and not do all the in betweeners), as Seishin will surely compare and contrast himself to his father. I originally thought they were the same, but in the manga, where Shinmei gets a bit more focus, Seishin seems to differentiate himself from that a bit when Sunako suggests Shinmei's feelings are comparable to Seishin's story.
I definitely think that (re: Ozaki presenting an opportunity to be himself) would be an appeal a guy like our unlikable doc would have to someone like Seishin. The story mentions some other people Seishin knew and hung out with in his younger days, but Ozaki seems to be the only one he sticks with (Ozaki is a semi-regular at creole and has a few other social friends). Calling it old habit or propinquity seems to be underestimating what agency Seishin does have. Now, I could see the argument that it's all duty, as all of their scenes do involve plot/duty talks as the only two of the Big Three left in Sotoba, and the only one making "social" chatter is Ozaki... I disagree, but it's essential to have a null hypothesis.
But that's the best part of it...
The Shiki brand of bishounens is rather...pointy though. Heh, I read this review about the anime a while ago that mentioned that Toshio could just use dat chin as a an impromptu stake. Like defending against Chizuru, he'd just ram his chin between her boobs (it's not like he'd mind!)
Yeah, Seishin identifying against his dad should provide more insight into Seishin himself; I always thought that they had the same situation, too. Maybe his reluctance to mold himself the way he wants is a part of his character too; it shows that he's passive. And if he's passive at the beginning and he's a main character, it's likely that we'll gradually see him becoming more assertive. I also hope that Monk Sr. will get more screentime here because he totally fades into the background in the anime (I need to reread the manga, I read it like once two years ago...) so he doesn't leave a huge impression. I like that the book explores more of the characters to help the reader get to know the village better; not as much as Toshio or Seishin maybe, but enough to lament what happens to most of them eventually.
I also don't think that frequent meetings between 'business partners' would have the same significance as they do between Toshio and Seishin the childhood friends. It's obvious there's some sort of feeling between them, but it's not clear exactly what it is. See how we're still guessing on it? That's what a good book does! It's clear that Seishin and Toshio have lots of bonds and memories that can't be destroyed, but their friendship is also flawed because of the way they go their separate ways, and also how quickly it becomes strained. The strain would be more obvious if they weren't adults but since they are, the strain is barely tangible, they're passive-aggressive about it.
Well, this whole time we've been saying that Seishin might have negative feelings toward Toshio, but is the other way around also true? Does Toshio look down on Seishin for going along with everyone's expectations in the way that Toshio himself did not?
RP account to showcase stake nose and stake chin. His face is a saw blade.
I'd thought they'd had the same situation until combing ahead for names/details for the family tree. From what I glanced in a more detailed, recent combing (my last graze was three years ago now) it seems he's similar but when Sunako suggests Seishin's story is an exact reflection of his dad's situation, Seishin seems to think it's a bit different, in part because he had someone like Toshio in youth to discuss the burden with and to discover that, if he were to be "free", what else was he really going to do, anyway?
Yeah, shounen/child characters' fall outs are so much more clear cut, aren't they? With either heart warming patch-ups or eternal begrudging rivalries. Adults have to be all mature about it, especially when they're required to work together.
As for Ozaki, I think he's a little too busy to look down on Seishin for that, what with how busy he is looking down on himself for going along with everyone's expectations and coming back, falling into his dad's old patterns of being Ikumi's (and everyone's) on call gossip victim, only really being there as a source of referrals for anything that won't fix itself with the usual meds and bed rest, etc.
He's a lean mean sawing machine.
Like a cobra, Ozaki has to rear back for ultimate striking power. This article on him explains it best:
"Ozakis can reach 18 feet (5.5 meters) in length, making them the longest of all village doctors. When confronted, they can raise up to one-third of their bodies straight off the ground and still move forward to attack. They will also flare out their iconic chins and emit a bone-chilling stubble vibration that sounds almost like a chainsaw."
Another minus to Seishin: I bet as a child, he saw what his dad was dealing with, and if he was as sharp as the book makes us think he was, he probably predicted that he would turn out the same. So you would think that he would be like "eugh! I'll never be like that. I'm becoming my own person." which it kind of sounded like when he was talking to Ozaki about resisting the expectations that are forced on them. But that was all talk, or maybe he really did want to break away from his father's fate, but as he grew up, he realized that it was a useless effort (growing up sucks, doesn't it?). So in this case, his speech about Sotoba being "surrounded by death" makes sense because for him, it's like a black hole that he'll never be able to get out of. It's his cradle; he lived there, he'll die there (if only)--so for him, he really is surrounded by death.
Maybe the whole difference between them is that Seishin is just more introspective. Toshio is people-oriented and has a much closer relationship with the villagers (despite being understandably frustrated by them all the time) than Seishin does. He just doesn't stop to think about being trapped in the village; he's more action.
If Seishin and Toshio were like ten years younger, it would be a lot easier to put all of their feelings on the table and resolve their issues. But since they're adults, it wouldn't be fitting, and neither of them really wants to unload on each other anymore (proof of how far apart they've grown?).
Yeah, maybe Ozaki isn't the type to analyze his best friend in a negative light. His focus is a lot more narrow, so he can analyze him self just as well, but he's more extroverted so he's more involved in the village. However, he's not really emotionally connected to the villagers, doesn't see the way their minds work as well as Seishin does. Seishin sees them as individuals, Ozaki sees them as his patients and his responsibility.
no subject
That article is now my AIM status message.
Seishin certainly seems more the type to contemplate his navel. Philosophers aren't generally known for being happy folk. Though, Toshio seems perfectly happy to unload on Seishin, ranting about the people coming in to gossip at him or about patients who everyone assumes will sleep it off because they're usually healthy when even they're bedridden. Seishin's burden's a little harder to complain about were he of a mind to, isn't it? Being much more personal.
Yeah, I bet Ozaki doesn't contemplate Seishin too terribly often nor vice versa really; even at 22 or even in the shounen ages, how many people analyze real people to the extent we do fictional ones, even real ones we know and love (or hate--I bet we analyze those we hate a lot more, see next sentence)? There has to be something to trigger such levels of analysis of real people, and usually that something is negative, leading to a criminal investigation that requires psychological profiling of suspects or a psych eval at a mental ward.
no subject
I hope you didn't copy and paste the article without including a proper citation. It is a credible source after all, and should be properly documented whenever it is used for educational purposes.
I have an AIM too, but I haven't logged on in god knows how long as I usually text instead. I'm tempted to go on check out the new old territory now..
Maybe that's because Toshio just isn't capable of/isn't prone to that kind of self-analysis that Seishin always does. Going back to how they're adults and things are tense between them, Seishin might be reluctant to unload on Toshio for the very reason that Toshio always unloads on him. But he doesn't unload in deep, philosophical stuff, so Seishin might not want to either because he thinks Toshio might find that irrelevant. In real life, the more you share about yourself with other people, the more they share back, but the thing is that someone has to start the sharing in order to begin.
Fictional people are easier for me at least to analyze just because they have less dimension than real life people. For fictional characters, their behavior is consistent, while real life people might undergo experiences or mood shifts that change their whole personality for a time. Also, with fictional characters you get inner monologues but in real life it's always impossible to know exactly what that person is thinking; even if they're telling you everything, there will always be a small thought that they will neglect to share.
I'm capable of Seishin-level introspection sometimes, but I'm so dim when it comes to guessing about other people. Some can easily pick up on emotions and 'see right through you', but if someone won't tell me how they're feeling chances are I'll never know...although that won't stop me from guessing.
no subject
I do wonder if Toshio would actually take Seishin's more philosophical angst seriously or chide him on it as ridiculous and only appropriate for adolescents. We get a hint of how he views it in the next chapter (in which Toshio is a serious asshole) but I don't think there's any conflict in both treating it seriously as it's serious to Seishin in his own mind and also dismissing it as impractical in his own daily life. Most non-sociopaths are capable of grasping how big a deal something is for another, even when they personally think they're being a pathetic whiner. Then again, we've also discussed how I could see our doctor bordering on sociopathic...
Fictional people are easier for everyone to analyze. We're generally given all relevant context during the course of the narrative. If someone has daddy issues, we're usually going to find out about them to contextualize any patterns of thought or action they take, if not before or during the events, after for use in hindsight analysis. Not always; some authors keep even main character thoughts completely unknown, but that's not typical.
Ironically though, I also think that fictional characters are in fact much more complex than real people; their aspirations, drives and motivations are only limited by the daily humdrum of life in so far as is necessary to suspend the audience's disbelief. Most of us live day to day lives of unremarkable ups and downs and a new set of shallow joys and toils every month or year that we look to string together for relevance, rather than the lives of quiet desperation and not-so-quiet pathos in fiction. Fiction skips over the typical work day, shitting, showering, shaving, sleeping, filing papers, going to the DMV, but in reality those (for better or worse) hollow us out and pull most of us from getting too consistently deep into ourselves. In fact, I'd hazard a guess most of us aren't really that damned deep after all. Fictional characters exist to illustrate themes, to move us to emotion in a closed span of time or fictional context, and to inspire. They exist in the book or show or movie or comic and we enter that and leave it and re-enter it at our convenience, so that the emotion doesn't fade the way our own must against daily life. Most characters are ideals, even at their worst. Who wouldn't be more interested in them than the average schmuck you have to deal with in day to day life?
....Yeah, I'm one of those otaku.
no subject
...actually, yes.
Well, assuming Toshio is a normal person with a normal person's empathetic capabilities, and Seishin had never shown in any way that he felt the way he does, I think he would either be shocked and upset, or unable to take him seriously and make awkward, vague consolations about it like "life sucks, doesn't it?". Knowing Toshio it would probably be the latter, but he wouldn't understand Seishin's feelings on a fundamental level. It would have nothing to do with whether he's a sociopath or not, but they're just totally different people that Toshio might just assume Seishin means something else and totally miss the point. Or also he could just not really understand that it bothers Seishin a lot and blow it off.
But if we go with the first option where Toshio is shocked and upset, he would see his friend in a totally different light and be unable to joke with him anymore and be more guarded, afraid to somehow set him off. Basically, he would treat Seishin the way the rest of the village treats him in regards to his suicide attempt. And maybe Seishin knows this, and doesn't want to have the one person who treats him normally, suddenly treat him like a pariah.
But then the newest chapter throws a wrench in this because Toshio really does see him as fragile already; the question is, does Seishin know this?
I think fictional characters are like 'cleaned up' versions of real people; that is to say that like you said, they are characters without daily life mixed in and also idealized. Who hasn't wanted to be a fictional character at one point, because the fictional character can exemplify what kind of a person you want to be? However, the characters we're usually drawn to aren't the perfect ones; they're the complicated ones, with backstory, with grudges, with irrational behavior. In short, the characters that are considered the best-developed are those that are the most like real people. A big difference between real life characters and fictional ones is that real life people have several different 'faces'. There's nobody that, in their daily interactions with people, shows exactly who they really are, to everyone at least. People act differently when interacting with different people sometimes, and that's natural. For people to click, they have to get on the same wavelength, which means tweaking their behavior a little bit. So you can talk to basically anyone in real life, but you can never know who they really are. Their daily life, the monotony of routines can dull them on the outside, but inside they still retain experiences, feelings, memories that make them who they are. Fictional characters are constant; they act like one character throughout the whole work, so their actions are at least somewhat predictable. Real life people however can't be really predicted unless you know them very well. Whether that's good or bad is up to debate, but.
I think the main difference is that fictional characters' complexities are at the surface where the reader can see them and so do the characters they interact with; if not at once, then eventually. People have complexities but they're deeper down, harder to get at, and less concentrated so it takes very long to explore every facet of your acquaintance's personality.
no subject
"Seishin's going to want to be moral instead of practical, and I'm practical, so I will disregard him." vs. "Seishin's going to be moral instead of practical so I'll pay lip service to how moral he is and pay false respects to his view while thinking it's the dumbest thing ever."
Of course there's also the practical aspect; Toshio's not NOT telling him purely out of a sense of personal integrity and dedication to practicality, and Seishin, as much as he may want something "real", probably wants to know what's going on because he has the authority and duty to make decisions for the people.
I'm not even sure I'd call fictional characters cleaned up; many of them are more complex than real people, in worse ways. I'd even say maybe well developed characters are what we want to see ourselves or real people as because we want something more coherent. But in fact far from having different "faces" and a true "self", those "masks" are in fact real for many people, internalized to avoid cognitive dissonance. Experiences, feelings, and memories that make them who they are don't just get dulled on the outside, they get dulled on the inside, too. We change our memories after the fact, we even change what we suppose we'd felt in the past based on the present context. And we get over things. Routine is a recommended form of therapeutic coping; thus, routine could dull even things we don't want it to. This isn't only for bad things but good things; fictional characters can training montage just as easily as they can hold onto some pain or love forever. Even if it's not a montage, they're in settings where they have a (or a few) focus(es), or in settings where we the audience aren't exposed to the daily life's dull requirements that would dull down or redirect motivations, passions, depressions... unless it's to establish specifically that dulling or changing. Maybe I'm jaded but I just don't think many people are that deep in real life. This includes myself. I don't think neurological or memory or personality studies support that kind of depth either. There may indeed be such deep and complex people out there as there are in fiction, but I don't attribute that kind of depth to most real people or myself by default. I might experience moments of depth but they're brief; I'll have to satisfy some lower levels on the hierarchy of needs and return to depth and consistency as a luxury when permitted... which greatly undermines the idea of much of a deep or consistent self if it can be repressed so conveniently... and to fail to be able to do so to get on with daily life would in fact earn me a mental health diagnosis, highlighting it as an abnormality.
no subject
Personally, I would prefer people to disagree with me rather than being falsely kind. You can usually tell when someone's being fake, and that kind of patronizing is frustrating beyond all belief; it's most likely that Seishin feels the same way. Maybe that's why he stopped talking about his problems or drawing attention to how he feels, because he's tired of the false sympathy. If someone disagreed with him, that would mean that they hold his opinion in esteem, but don't find him fragile enough to avoid being open with their own take on it.
I think that there are and have been people around who are more deep than the people around them: the people who have gone down in history, like the philosophers, as well as those who didn't have as big of a voice and didn't leave their mark. This would indeed suggest that the rest of us aren't as deep, but maybe we are but aren't expressing it so clearly or unlocking it. Characters are constant like you said, and their actions and reactions make sense if you know the context and their personality. But real people are more fickle, and perhaps that makes them a bit more unpredictable as well. For instance, say a character does something mean to another one. In fiction, the other would be rightly offended, and remain righteous throughout (if that's the kind of person they are--if they're an extreme doormat, they would not). But maybe that's the point, too, because you would assume that only a total doormat would forgive the offense, and doing so would signify a weak will. But in real life, if this happened, the victim's feelings may fluctuate and eventually maybe even let the offense go--and they don't have to be weak-willed, either. Maybe the person has some past experience with it; maybe they can empathize with the aggressor; but at one point, they have to stop and say "Maybe there's more to it than if I just get mad. It might be worth it to let it go." And it would take a strong will, too, to battle yourself and your initial emotion of "I'm done with your bs" which calls for instantly getting mad. If you're jaded, then I guess I'm somewhat naive and idealistic about these kinds of things. I guess the bottom line here is that in my opinion, people are complex too because they are so versatile with ever-changing tempers and opinions that make them so unpredictable; just when you think they'll act one way, a previously unknown factor can jump in and influence them into going the opposite direction, and it would be very hard to imitate a character like this in fiction.